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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with the party bag miseries?

95 replies

highfive · 15/01/2009 13:31

What's wrong with party bags? If you can afford to do them - and don't fill them with crap like plastic tat and nasty sweets...what's wrong with them? I spent ages decorating bags for my dd's 5th party - I love art & craft so I made a real effort with them and I must say they looked lovely! I filled them with a small book, a wooden whistle, some stickers and a small chocolate bar. They went down well and I felt quite proud. Fast forward to the following Monday and a mum whose daughter had been to the party said "thanks for the party - X really enjoyed it - but why on earth you've set the precedent for doing party bags I just don't know....don't they get enough stuff without adding to their pile. Well, don't expect them at my daughter's party, I just don't agree with them"? Miserable cow - I was so surprised I just mumbled something and shuffled off like an idiot feeling like I'd acted very badly.
I know some of you dislike them/hate them but fgs what is the harm??

OP posts:
ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 17/01/2009 09:41

to the OP - I think that it is her problem not yours - don't worry about it.. as some others have said she was probably just very anxious about her own childs up coming party.

wb · 17/01/2009 09:43

YANBU

I am a party bag misery but I would never have said something like this cause a) it is extremely rude and b) it is none of my business what anyone else decides to do in this respect.

At our parties children get a slice of cake and a balloon - I'm sure I get judged plenty for that. Death, taxes and judging - no escape from them

Umlellala · 17/01/2009 18:03

YANBU, I might secretly think the same thing but wouldn't say it. In fact, what wb said.

Although, having just left a party with a happy, curious 'oh! what's in this bag?' 2half year old rather than a 'wah! don't want to leave my lovely friends' child, I can kinda see the point of them now and will prob do them for dd's party. (Though I am one of those people who would eeeeeasily go overboard with party bags and paraphernalia )

blackrock · 17/01/2009 18:06

I put the cake in the party bags, so parents had the choice of saving it for after tea.

I just thought they were a bit of fun. I put in smarties, and a toy? What was the toy? Oh bubbles.

Cheer up miseries. Birthday's only happen annually.

blackrock · 17/01/2009 18:09

I see the bag as compensation for those that never win any party games and a thank you for coming along too.

Your kids, do what you want and an afford. If you have a generous/more wealthy friends, just hope you get invited! Don't change what you do, that is just a bit sad.

Clary · 17/01/2009 18:09

Very rude woman.

Party bags are completely the norm round here so what she meant by "setting a precendent" I cannot imagine.

Maybe just that your bags were actually desirable and full of nice stuff?

Party bags or some sort of gifty thing are a good idea as they signal to the kids "party's over now bog off go away and leave me to clear up!

neolara · 17/01/2009 18:23

I think it was very rude for the woman to have said what she said to you, but TBH, I probably would have shared her sentiments.

If I go around to a friend's house for a party, I don't expect to get given a gift as I leave. I think the expectation that children have that they will get a present for coming to a party is just wrong.

I also think that it is very easy for party bags to escalate out of all proportion. Sometimes it may be to do with competitive parenting. But mainly I think it might be to do with parents wanting to do the "right" thing. These parents may feel that they are not reciprocating (party bag) gifts appropriately if they choose to not have such an elaborate bags. I bet most people would be embarrassed or feel awkard if someone gave them a birthday present for £20 and they only reciprocated by giving them a present worth £5. And it's not only once a year - what if you have more than one child.

swanriver · 17/01/2009 18:31

I remember once just giving 7 year old children an individual wrapped present (mini-meccano, playmobil or book) instead of party bags and they were most disappointed because they loved pulling out the individual items however tattish. So I always thought the format very important after that, even if they had a thousand crayons, notebooks, bouncy balls, hairclips. Perhaps when they are older there's no need. Or some people swear by making something at party which then is the going-home gift.

dilemma456 · 17/01/2009 18:38

Message withdrawn

corblimeymadam · 17/01/2009 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

eandh · 17/01/2009 18:49

For dd1's 4th birthday last year every child got a small ceramic money box (pink, white, red and yellow ducks or cow, pig or car) and some cake. Money boxes cost £1 each but all the parents and children loved them and she had alot of friends coming (she had party in preschool hall with entertainer) so worked out to be most cost efficient !

MirandaG · 17/01/2009 20:38

Oh god, parties are a nightmare unless you ignore everyone else and do what you and your child want (within limits of course). This year I ignored the 'precedent' and didn't invite the whole class - am sure I am not popular as a result. I did party bags with two nice things (stickers and a little note book) - am with the others who go for something that might actually be used. I hate the plastic tat and cheapo sweets thing. I think your bags sound lovely and you should continue to do what you enjoy doing. We are not sheep - we do not all have to do the same thing. Last year I did a 'decorate your own mug' party - the mums who spent £500 on princess/fairy entertainers, bouncy castles etc were well impressed - NOT. But lots of the other mums thought it was great. So, as whoever it was said: you are never going to please everyone so you may as well please yourself (and dc of course!).

piratecat · 17/01/2009 20:43

she was abit ott, no she was bloody rude.!!!

I hate the fact that my dd is like 'oh mummy aren't there any party bags at this party',

as tho it's the b al and end all of the meaning of a party!!!

which i do sort of understand from her pov!!

Yet is gets me going, i'm like 'ooh you ungrateful greedy little bagage'

(in my head)

blackrock · 17/01/2009 20:45

MirandaG, you area woman after my own sentiments, so here's to more people having this sort of confidence in their own judgement!

MirandaG · 17/01/2009 21:33

Blackrock, are you actually in Blackrock? because, if so, I am only up the road!

MirandaG · 17/01/2009 21:35

ps thank you - it's probably because I am so old

blackrock · 18/01/2009 13:33

No I don't live in Blackrock, but have been there. Lucky you, beautiful beaches!

There is more than one. Blackrock, Ireland, Oregon USA, Queensland Australia, Cornwall, Belize, West Vriginia USA.

amidaiwish · 18/01/2009 13:55

oh, decorate a mug party - that's a good one. did everyone get very mucky?
would it work with a load of 5 year olds do you think?
it is DD's birthday end feb and i don't want to pay hundreds for a Little Gym party and she isn't into the whole princess thing (unlike DD2!)

oh and to the OP - YANBU. she sounds like a silly bitch. DD went to a party recently at Snakes & Ladders and the party bags were amazing. Large cloth bags full of Disney princess things, some sweets, cake etc which would have cost a fortune. I did say to the mum the following week "those party bags were amazing!" she replied "well, we haven't done a party for them for the last few years so thought we'd go all out this time". I certainly didn't think she'd set a "precedent".

rachels103 · 18/01/2009 14:13

I think lots of people don't have the confidence to do what they want to do rather than feel pressured by what other people do, and I'm sure that's where this woman's comment came from.
I think your party bags sound lovely, and she was a touch out of order to comment the way she did.

We've just done the round of birthday parties and the party bags ranged from none (us!!! - although they did make pirate telescopes and other things at the party to take home and had a piece of cake and a chocolate coin in a napkin) to a ridiculously (IMO) over the top effort from a friend who has far more money than us. Dh and I commented to each other on how much they must have cost and how unecessary etc etc but she's one of my oldest friends and I would never have dreamt of saying anything to her face. Likewise I didn't feel guilty or pressured into doing the same. Each to their own.

MarsLady · 18/01/2009 14:20

I never give party bags! Have never seen the point and don't want to. I figure I feed and water them all and provide entertainment and it is enough.

Katiestar · 18/01/2009 14:20

It was extremely rude.It sounds like her problems run much deeper than party bags !
I have 4 children so have been to lots of kids parties as you can imagine I and any of my kids would have been thrilled to receive one of your lovely party bags.Fortunately we don't seem to get the 'competitive party thing' round here too much. There has been a trend lately away from party bags and to give the children a small wrapped gift instead.
Party bags may well be full of tat and sweets, but that's what kids like, and they are the recipients not their s*dding parents !

deepinlaundry · 18/01/2009 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirandaG · 18/01/2009 15:14

Blackrock - I am close to Blackrock, Ireland! We have beaches alright but not as beautiful as the ones in the West of Ireland. Not sure which Blackrock is your namesake?
Amidaiwish - I sent off to Party Ark for plain white mugs and sheets of stickers (sheets of letters, sheets of hearts, sheets of footballs etc). I thought this was a fantastic idea until, at 10pm the night before the party, I realised that there was no way four year olds were going to be able to cut out the letters of their own name and individual hearts etc for their own mug. So, I stayed up until 1am cutting out individual letters to spell out each child's name, individual little hearts, footballs etc as appropriate for the child, making up a little package of stickers for each child. So it wasn't messy, but quite time consuming for me! I didn't mind though because they looked lovely and the children got something (hopefully useful) to keep from the party. You can get paints too though and, I think, felt tips that write on ceramic. Good luck!

chipmonkey · 18/01/2009 16:42

I have a sister living in Blackrock Dublin and another sister living in Blackrock, Cork!

blackrock · 18/01/2009 19:26

A blackrock chicken, we keep a few!!!