Background: DH is lovely - loves me, loves our DDs, hands-on Dad, been very supportive with some health problems I've had.
I'm a SAHM, and I've found it very hard to keep on top of the housework. My DDs are two years apart, and I've had rubbish pregnancies that have completely wiped me out, plus our babies don't seem to want to sleep. Now I have a toddler and a baby and I'm knackered all the time. DH works full time and is also knackered all the time. He does a big chunk of the housework, things like washing up, vacuuming and laundry. I know that he isn't thrilled about doing as much as he does, as I am home all day. I struggle to get much of anything done, but I do BF and take all of the night-time stuff with DD2 so that he can sleep and be refreshed to go to work.
So here's the dilemma - DH often doesn't do stuff the way that I'd like. He is a bit of a that'll do person, so our cups and spoons all have tannin stains on them. Quite often there are bits left on the bottoms of plates or the sides of saucepans. And (here's the killer) he'll put dark and pale things together in the wash. So our DDs beautiful clothes that are presents from family are ending up grey. He doesn't check pockets, and often sorts out my clothes from our bedroom, so often there are tissues in the wash, and a couple of my favourite things have ended up with white fluff bobbled into them.
Part of me thinks that a lot of men don't do anything and that I should be grateful. Part of me thinks that if I want DH to do housework then I can't consider it my area of life to be in charge of (if you see what I mean) and so I can't insist that it's done a certain way. Part of me thinks that there are far more important things in life like the fact that he loves me.
But part of me gets frustrated that when someone pops around unexpectedly that when DH was the last one to do the washing up then the cup that I'll give them is stained. Part of me is sad that our DDs lovely clothes are getting spoiled. Part of me is embarrassed that I have little enough nice clothing at the moment (my choice too - there's no point until I get some kind of figure back) and the stuff that I do have isn't being looked after so I end up a complete scruff-bag.
So, AIBU to want DH to do things differently? And if I'm not, what the Hell do I say to him that won't get him really grumpy and risk him not doing anything at all?