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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that some posters on other threads are too darn precious about their children

87 replies

purepurple · 09/01/2009 14:22

well really! Some children get bitten/ pushed/ kicked/ hit/ looked at by other children at nursery. Bloody well get over yourselves! Rant over. Normal service is now resumed

OP posts:

Lulumama · 09/01/2009 14:24

YABU

when DS was bitten / pushed / kicked i was so upset, and he was my first and had no experience of what toddlers/older children were like

then when i had DD who was the biter, it was a total reversal and i was so mortified for thinking badly of the the paretns of the biter/kickers/ pushers as DS had never done any of that

you can't tell people not to be upset when their children are bitten/hurt even when it is by anotehr child

kittywise · 09/01/2009 14:24

I fear you're going to get a bashing!!!!

I agree though, tends to be first time mums with their pfb.

Would you like a hard hat?

Lulumama · 09/01/2009 14:25

kittywise · 09/01/2009 14:26

Hi lulu, happy new year to you too!!

Original poster

purepurple · 09/01/2009 14:27

thanks kitty but i can take it * runs away and hides behind sofa

OP posts:

crokky · 09/01/2009 14:28

PFB behaviour is totally natural and I don't think people should be called "precious" when they exhibit it. It is normal maternal instinct that women get when their first child is born.

jscouse · 09/01/2009 14:28

YANBU

I love my boys and feel upset when they're hurt or when they damage somone else then I remember that's life.

IcingOnTheCake · 09/01/2009 14:29

But wouldn't we not be human if we weren't abit protective of our children and didn't want to see them get hurt?

I'm not one for following the kid around to protect it's every move but i wouldn't want to just sit there whilst my child got bitten or something.

Bubbaluv · 09/01/2009 14:31

I totally agree and can't eimagine how people get to childbaring age without realising that toddlers can hurt each other.

Am now ducking for cover!

GypsyMoth · 09/01/2009 14:32

isn't it all an important part of childhood?? don't all children need to be hit/bitten/pushed etc in order for them to know how to deal with it in the future....like the workplace!!

yanbu!!!

wannaBe · 09/01/2009 14:34

I'm not sure it should be described as pfb behavior though.

I am very fortunate in that my child was never bitten, but if he had been I would have been very upset for him, and I can't imagine that changing if I had subsequent children.

I could equally say "Ibu to think that biting is not normal behavior and parents should control their biting children?" based on the fact that mine and lots of other people's children I know were not biters.

FranSanDisco · 09/01/2009 14:34

I agree it is hard to see that your child has been hurt even if you force yourelf to react rationally outwardly inside you are thinking anything but rational thoughts. Neither of mine were biters or hitters thankfully though ds is a complete duracell battery kid who attracts attention for all the wrong reasons. The parent(s) I find hard to fathom are the ones who react when their child is on the receiving end of something but totally ignore their child hurting another - no acknowledgement or intervention - whilst your child is sprawled on the floor or being held in a strangle hold/half nelson.

BlueSapphire77 · 09/01/2009 14:34

I must be a bad mum then cos never have worried when my 2 were small about biting and stuff..who ever was doing it/having it done to them, but i guess i was lucky that any incidents were dealt with well by nursery, playgroup, or whatever.

I'm more precious about my dog than i was about me sprogs!

Well they're 11 and 14 now so they seem to have survived thus far.....

mm22bys · 09/01/2009 14:36

YANBU.

DS1 has been both the biter and bitee, and it is much much worse being the mother of the first!

It is a (relatively harmless) part of early childhood life, and if only we only had to worry about our children being bitten!

(I was very smug and very PFB about him BTW, have chilled out a little 4 years later!)

BlueSapphire77 · 09/01/2009 14:37

LOL @ stranglehold / half nelson!!
I wonder if i'll be different with new baby

Lizzylou · 09/01/2009 14:37

FWIW I was far more upset when DS2 was the biter than when DS1 was bitten.
With PFB DS1 I was so upset when he was bitten at 10mths old, but he was the only experience of children I had.
Now I know that my DC are not perfect and can inflict harm (and do) on others.

wannaBe · 09/01/2009 14:37

or "ibu to be annoyed at parents who are so complacent when their children hit/kick/bite other children?"

Biting might be something that some toddlers do, but it is certainly not acceptable behavior. And parents are certainly not over precious for being upset if their children get hurt by others.

naturalbornmum · 09/01/2009 14:39

YABU. Everyone does PFB thing - don't they?

Bubbaluv · 09/01/2009 14:40

Wannabe, on the other thread there is a woman described who was demanding that the biter be premoved from nursery (or something like that) and went balistic at the nurery staff etc actinglike the biter was hannibal lector. I think we would all be upset for our child if they get hurt but there's no need to act like your child has been attacked by a thug!

Bubbaluv · 09/01/2009 14:41

And they were talking about 1 year olds!

FranSanDisco · 09/01/2009 14:42

When my brother and sil had their first child they left with hi with a neighbour for a few hours one afternoon. Nephew was about 6 mths old at the time. The neighbours little boy (2 yo ish) threw a brick into the pram and it cut dn above the eye. All very upsetting for all involved thoug sil is lovely and didn't make a fuss. My brother announced that the toddler next door was a thug who was never disciplined etc. I nodded a knowing nodd. Fast forward to 2008 and the complaints are coming thick and fast from dn's nursery about his rough play and he's no kinder with his baby bro. It's that old nature vs nurture debate

kittywise · 09/01/2009 14:43

biting is perfectly normal behaviour for a toddler.

That is not to say it is socially acceptable and they need to be shown that it is wrong.

Those mothers who have never had a biter perhaps just because they haven't OR they still have a baby have no concept of what it is like to have a toddler that bites.

I do rather get the feeling that those who have been lucky enough, and it IS only luck, to not have a biter, think somehow that it is because they have done something to prevent it

It's not, some bite, some don't.

Original poster

purepurple · 09/01/2009 14:43

I work in a nursery and children hurting other children is natural. i have also been bitten/ pushed/ hit/ kicked by children. I should get paid danger money! Some parents would scream the place down if their child was on the receiving end, but when the shoe is on the other foot, then there is always an excuse. "Little Johnny is so tired" or they just won't accept it, "oh no my child would never do anything like that" well, yes they would, I've just bloody well seen it with my own eyes!!!

OP posts:

cory · 09/01/2009 14:45

I think we would all have been consoling if the mum had come on her to have a quiet unaccusing weep. It is the fact that the nursery were prepared to pander to this very upset woman that was worrying. And the fact that another poster started blaming the mother for not being able to control her child at a distance.

But sobbing on our shoulders would be a different matter. I could have done with that at the time. It's only in retrospect that this seems such a small matter, in view of some of the serious things that have happened to my two, and they are still happy and alive. At the time, my need of shoulders was there, but I am glad that I managed to find it in me to feel empathy with the other Mum (who was in tears over her son's behaviour).

kittywise · 09/01/2009 14:45

purepurple, i rather think that even if they did admit to it they would manage to blame the victim!

Some parents are a bloody nightmare.(not me though)

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