to think that some posters on other threads are too darn precious about their children

[purepurple]

well really! Some children get bitten/ pushed/ kicked/ hit/ looked at by other children at nursery. Bloody well get over yourselves! Rant over. Normal service is now resumed

kitty, you can join my Perfect Parents Club

hooray, can I bring the gin?

Of course they're being precious, but isn't that our job, to be precious about our children? Some go overboard - but they dont' last long on the thread then, do they? A bit pointless starting another thread about it.

of course the woman on the other thread is ott but most parents who get upset over these behaviors are just upset aren't they without making the screaming demands?

A friend's ds bit someone's child recently and she said "but he was provoked!" . So there are parents of biters who are tcomplacent just as there are parents of bitees who go ott.

what's life if you can't have a bit of pointlessness every now and then?

Having been on two threads of this ilk today YANBU!

NU to feel sad when your child is bitten, totally unreasonable to expect apologies, or children to be removed from settings etc etc.

I think it is not unreasonable to expect nursery staff to keep a very close eye on a child they know to be a biter. My ds was bitten 3 times within a fortnight by the same child - and no little nibbles either, they all drew blood. At this point my ds was about 14 months and the other child about the same. After the second and third incidents, I was bloody cross - but with the nursery staff, not the biter or his parents (felt sorry for the parents, in fact).

It is incredibly difficult to stop a biter biting. You can't do it even with 1:1. If a child is being singled out then its best to separate them for a while (separate the biter from the bitten) but if it's random there's not much that can be done.

I agree Jute, it is practically impossible to stop the little devils, short of putting a muzzle on 'em. The ratio for babies under 2 is 1 member of staff for 3 babies. How can you physically watch every movement every baby makes? You can't.

Ooh, I might get beaten up but although i don't have an opinion on the biting/kicking thing so much - I see both sides - I think some people are just a bit precious on the silliest things. Children get called other names by other people (I still have a nickname used gleefully by my entire family that got landed on me as a baby), grandparents spoil their grandkids and don't impose discipline and routine etc etc. these things are irrtating, yes, but normal and not the end of the world.

I had a biter and a bitee.
Once at an airport play area there was a biting "incident". A blood curdling scream rang out. I was hugely relieved to find that my child was the victim and not the perpetrater of the crime.

My goodness, I am really surprised that you think it over the top for a mum to be peeved when their child is bitten and there is no apology, no matter how many offspring they have.

Fair enough some children are biters but if that is the case you try to stop them, tell them each time it is wrong and get them to apologise (if they can) and apologise yourself, as long as you know about it. It is just (very) basic courtesy. I would apologise if I had a dog who jumped up on someone/if I slipped and bumped into someone/even if an adult family member was rude to someone...just because it is a child doesn't mean that they are a force of nature that you should just shrug your shoulders and accept it, as either mum of biter or bitee.

A child at our local playgroup whenever he gets within whacking distance always goes for my DS (but in a really sly give him a quick poke or bash way) and if I see him approaching I now always put myself between them, never an apology from the mum who just happens not to 'see' it (he isn't that subtle though).

Fair enough all the rest rough and tumble as it is not vindictive and that is part and parcel of them playing and learning to share but everyone else intervenes and apologises at the first signs of trouble (some even (gasp!) have more than one child and are still as vigilent and polite as first time mums!) The aggressive little boy got an accidental bump and cried, the mum of the other boy immediately apologised and got her son to apologise. This is clearly the right way to behave.

I accept you can't wrap them in cotton wool and accidents/fights happen but there is absolutely no reason not to have good manners and set a good example, that's hardly being precious. I think the other thread the mum was asking if she was being unreasonable to have expected a sorry - absolutely not!

Mumofmagnus, the bitings in question happened at nursery away from parental control, so the mothers of the biters wouldn't/shouldn't know who got bitten, so how could they apologise?

"biting is perfectly normal behaviour for a toddler."

I disagree with this.

I mentioned on the other thread that my daughter has also been both biter (on "just" a couple of occasions) and bitee. From speaking to other parents, the vast majority of those who have (even short lived) biters feel mortified and do take it seriously.

In a similar-ish vein, the biggest issue I had with my daughter up until she was 3 or so was over affection, done with the best of intentions. She is a very tall girl and would, in rushing to hug and kiss another child, often either squeeze them too hard, or knock them over completely, not knowing her own strength. I appreciate that this could be a bit frightening and may result in a bump or a knock as well so obviously used to try and intervene when I saw her approaching another child, and repeatedly told her, and discussed with her, how she had to be gentle, how other children didn't always want to be hugged, how she should ask before grabbing them and so on.

Most parents whose children she knocked over were fine about it because they could clearly see that no malice was intended and, that we were apologetic, and that we would reprimand her for being too enthusiastic. The nicest ones would say "please don't worry, s/he has got an bigger brotherm, s/he's used to it". However ......... I can honestly say that I was made to feel like an absolute pariah at Tumble Tots when she 1st joined at the age of 2.5. Despite my apologies, and my obvious efforts at preventing this (but, as others have pointed out, children do move quickly, and I could hardly put her on a lead) the totally filthy and disparaging looks I used to get from some of the other mums there made me feel like an outcast and the most reprehensible mum in the world.

The point is ...... very young children do not have an innate sense of social responsibility - this has to be learnt and doesn't happen overnight. Anything which causes pain or distress to another child is basically wrong but some people appear to think that a single, or a very few, incidents are reason enough to banish and/or label the guilty child forever more, and that if parents cannot instantaneously stop them they must be irresponsible.

So you think that all the babies/toddles who bite are abnormal?

but it is normal behaviour for some toddlers.

That was to Crush

x post! so was mine

this pfb stuff is patronising and crappy. I would be just as lionessy if someone hurt my DS2 as I would DS1. Or DC10, I imagine.

No, not abnormal but it is not the "norm" for all Toddlers to bite by any stretch.

Hi Bubbaluv - I may be wrong but in the original thread I thought both mums were told about the biting when they came to collect their children - it wouldn't cross my mind not to immediately apologise as soon as I found out my son had bitten someone else (let alone a 9 month old baby) whether it was 5 mins, 8 hrs, or even a month later! The only reason not to would be if I didn't know what had happened or if I didn't know who to apologise to. I suppose in an equally matched straight fight where both children were equally injured I can see either an exchange of apologies or a straightforward retreat on both sides!

YANBU

I've never had a biter & have always had the 'there, there, kiss it better & off you go' attitude to childhood bumps/scrapes/scraps (even with my first born). I can't stand the fussing hysteria that some parents seem to adopt - or, god forbid, 'making' a barely verbal 2yo apologise.

Perhaps I'm abnormal.

bohemiabint, I was just thinking the same. Surely I can't be the only one who finds the term 'PFB' incredibly smug, condescending and sometimes just mean.