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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the leaflet telling me how happy my kids will be if i go back to work?

161 replies

neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 11:37

I got this with my child benefit letter yesterday.

It is a leaflet about affordable childcare, and the pic on the front is a cartoon of some kids playing with a train and it says 'we play with trains, mum goes to work - whoo whoo!'.

It says to me: your kids will be happier if you go to work.

To be fair, I noticed on the back it has kids playing with musical instruments and it says 'we do music, dad goes to the office, rat a tat tat' so i think it is just some poor puns on trains and music rather than kids going 'way hey - mum's gone to work!!'

But I still think it is a bit

OP posts:
twinmam · 06/01/2009 20:17

Perhaps putting more money into childcare options - and into enabling women to choose what they believe is best for their children - rather than stupid campaigns telling people what childcare options exist would be a better use of resources?!

ScottishMummy · 06/01/2009 20:38

thanks for link HazyJane-looks innocuous to me

juuule · 06/01/2009 20:39

"Give your children a great start"
"More fun for them"
"Brilliant for them"
"Free early learning for them"

Hmmm,I don't think the above would be well received if linked to a parent staying home with a child.

LittleBella · 06/01/2009 20:45

No YANBU

It's patronising bollocks, I also felt a frisson of irritation as I threw it in the recycling.

twinmam · 06/01/2009 20:47

My 11 month old dd took a bite out of it before I threw it away (whilst I was reading the letter to see how much extra money we were getting!)She obviously didn't hold it in high regard either.

BigFurryStripeyTiger · 06/01/2009 20:49

This leaflet irritated me, too. I agree with juuule.

theyoungvisiter · 06/01/2009 20:51

I really can't believe so many people are taking this leaflet as an implicit criticism of their lifestyle choice. Have you actually read the whole thing?

The "working" element is a tiny part of the leaflet - equally part of the purpose of the leaflet is to flag up ofsted registrations, and part is to tell people about their free nursery hours entitlement. It's also to tell people who are already working that they may be entitled to funding to help with their childcare.

It's ridiculous to say "this leaflet is a waste of time - the money would be better used for other purposes". Yes, it's a waste for YOU if YOU know about your rights and options, but they are aiming it at the people who DON'T know what their rights and options are. Obviously the majority of mumsnetters are clued up but there are large chunks of the population who don't claim what they are entitled to and the onus is on the government to inform what is out there if they wish to access it.

Good on the government for taking the time to try to help less-informed sections of the population access their entitlements. If you are happy with your choices for your kids then what on earth does it matter if people who MAY be interested get a little information about their options?

Original poster
neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 20:57

It doesn't matter YoungVisiter, and yes it is good that people are being told their entitlements. I don't think it is criticising my choice to stay at home.

It still annoyed me though.

OP posts:
FairyMum · 06/01/2009 20:57

I think if this makes you feel guilty, you have some issues.

OrmIrian · 06/01/2009 21:08

Oh dear.

So assuming you have no choice but to return to work. Let's say...ooohh I don't know....your partner earns less than you (I know... what a silly idea ). And if you don't go to work life will be very very hard. A leaflet like this might just make you feel better about the hand life has dealt you. But WTF if it upsets anyone then let's burn the f*ing lot!

francagoestohollywood · 06/01/2009 21:08

I agree with theyoungvisiter.

hazeyjane · 06/01/2009 21:17

I don't know if anyone has said the leaflet makes them feel guilty,Fairymum.

Whilst i suppose as a thing in itself it is innocuous, it seems to be part of a general trend to encourage parents to place their children in childcare.

BigFurryStripeyTiger · 06/01/2009 21:17

There is a world of difference between being a bit irritated by the tone of something and being upset by it, and neither responses automatically mean that you feel guilty.

Wispabarsareback · 06/01/2009 21:23

I don't get the issues some people have about how the govt should 'help' SAHMs. It's a personal choice - if you can afford to stay at home and choose to do so, that's fine, but what are people suggesting that public policy should do to further support this choice?

I can't see how this leaflet is anything other than a reminder that help might be available with finding and paying for childcare. As someone else said, if you see this as a criticism of your decision to be a SAHM, there are clearly other issues at play - perhaps some people aren't as comfortable with their economically dependent position as they seem.

hazeyjane · 06/01/2009 22:20

Clearly it's not always a personal choice as to whether we stay at home or return to work. Whether we like it or not our lives are influenced by social and cultural change. Part of govt policy is to encourage mothers back to work, and also to encourage earlier education for children. This is a huge shift in culture, and whilst this leaflet is a tiny part, it is a part of the mechanism bringing about this change.

Ormirian, like I said earlier, i don't think the leaflets are produced with the aim of making working mums feel better about their choices. I'm not talking about personal issues, but social ones.

Original poster
neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 22:25

Wispa, the govt could extend SMP to 12 months or even two years. They could raise SMP to a level you can survive on. They could allow you to transfer your tax-free allowance to your partner.

It all comes down to whether the govt thinks kids are better off in childcare or being looked after by their own parents. i think the govt prefers women to be in work, which annoys me. I don't see it as criticism for staying at home - my DH pays enough in tax for the both of us so I am sure the govt is very happy with our situation. I love being economically dependent on my DH and consider myself very lucky.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 06/01/2009 22:44

I don't think the primary goal of the government is getting people to use childcare because it is somehow beneficial to young children. Some children do better in childcare because their home situations are dire. Some children do better at home because of poor quality childcare. Some children do equally well at home or in childcare or a combination.

Whether or not childcare or family care is beneficial or better is not the major driver.

The primary goal of the government is to get women back into work. That necessarily means addressing the issue of costly childcare. It is only on this basis that childcare gets linked in.

Women at work is undoubtedly good for the economy. More taxes from women at work, from the women who work in childcare, from the services that women at work offer to society at large. Can you imagine what the world would be like without women doctors, scientists, nurses, lawyers, teachers, police, nursery workers etc.

Of course women at home looking after their children is also a good thing if they are providing quality nurturing. Not all do. And those that don't will have no compunctions about popping out more. It is also perfectly possible for 2 working parents to raise well-adjusted children. Not all do.

Incentivising women to stay at home does not come with concrete measurable benefits of the type that women in work bring to the economy. So the government will tend to favour women at work in devising a package of incentives.

MillyR · 06/01/2009 22:47

Thick question, but why have so many people been sent this leaflet? I haven't been sent a copy.

sasamaxx · 07/01/2009 13:02

neenztwinz - are you really 'economically dependent' on your partner? - I like to think that through childcare, cooking, cleaning blah blah blah, I've 'earned' his salary and therefore it's actually mine.

whonickedmynickname · 07/01/2009 13:21

What would annoy me about the leaflet is that it implies affordable childcare is in copious availability. We all know that it is not.

I found it so hard to find any childcare - let alone affordable or decent CC to continue my career - so I gave up and became childcare myself.

Its not ideal - and I don't get paid enough really for what I do - but I can't afford not to work sadly but nor can I find any childcare that starts early enough in the morning for me to take the register etc.

Its fine til your DCs go to school - no childminder wants to do the school run if they can avoid it.......

EachPeachPearMum · 07/01/2009 13:26

My DD loved this leaflet- she has badgered and badgered me for boxes since the flaming thing came through the door (before christmas).
Every time she sees a cardboard box she says- ' Can I play trains Mama?'

cupofteaplease · 07/01/2009 13:37

I didn't receive one of these leaflets- I had no idea CB was increasing. But, great news- fre money and all that...

I have looked at the leaflet online, and personally don't understand the irritation- it is simply an introductory explanation about types of childcare that is available.

It also states that the free childcare for 3 year olds can be used for the parent to have some 'me' time or to do a course. So it's not even talking solely about working- you could go an get a facial or something if you so choose

Equally, it is reassuring for people who 'have' to use child care that the options are varied and enjoyable for the children.

lovelysongbirdie · 07/01/2009 13:40

maybe you should draw a picture over the top of it saying.
we our baking cakes today with mummy.

yummy yummy!!

then send it back to them lol

TwentiethCenturyHeffa · 07/01/2009 13:41

I was a bit about that leaflet as well. However, DD tore it up and disintegrated the bits by gumming all over them before I had a chance to look at it properly

OrmIrian · 07/01/2009 13:42

Would it have been better to show a picture of a sad child being bullied by nasty children, fed crap and surrounded by teenage 'strangers' who were chatting, drinking coffee and ignoring her? That seems to be how some people on MN view nurseries