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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the leaflet telling me how happy my kids will be if i go back to work?

161 replies

neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 11:37

I got this with my child benefit letter yesterday.

It is a leaflet about affordable childcare, and the pic on the front is a cartoon of some kids playing with a train and it says 'we play with trains, mum goes to work - whoo whoo!'.

It says to me: your kids will be happier if you go to work.

To be fair, I noticed on the back it has kids playing with musical instruments and it says 'we do music, dad goes to the office, rat a tat tat' so i think it is just some poor puns on trains and music rather than kids going 'way hey - mum's gone to work!!'

But I still think it is a bit

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 06/01/2009 13:51

I agree with MrsBadger - it's meant to counteract a bit of the endless guilt that is heaped on working mothers by relatives, strangers and - yes - ourselves.

If it implied that SAH children were suffering then I'd agree with you - but I can't see why portraying childcare as a positive experience for children is a bad thing - they are just trying to say if you want to go back to work a) there is childcare out there and b) it's quite nice.

Flightattendant7 · 06/01/2009 13:52

Oh i got this too, it made me cringe. If they think they are so clever and know what will make my children happy, perhaps they would like to bring them up instead.

I will give them 10 minutes before they are begging to hand them back.

Patronising arses.

theyoungvisiter · 06/01/2009 13:52

although I agree that the notion that all this cheap marvellous childcare is just there for the taking is a bit rich - but that's a separate issue to a positive portrayal of childcare

TheCrackFox · 06/01/2009 13:58

Nursery fees are about £1000 a month where I live. Is the govt. going to cough up for that? No, thought not. They can cock off. Looks like my Dcs are going to have to put up with my screechy ways a bit longer.

As an aside, now the economy has imploded would love to know where I am going to get a job from anyway.

beanieb · 06/01/2009 13:59

when you say child benefit, do you mean child allowance? If so then I think that's a bit odd. I could see why they might be encouraging the unemployed back to work with childcare schemes and the like though - seems like a good idea to me.

TheCrackFox · 06/01/2009 14:05

The leaflet was with the letter for Child Allowance (the one that is NOT means tested) telling us how much we are getting this year.

Original poster
neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 14:09

blueshoes, cos i wonder whether some women would rather be at home but go to work cos they earn too much to justify not going. I am not conflicted about my choice, I am grateful that it is not worth me working. If it were more financially viable for me to work DH might be making more noises about me going back more! I am just glad that there is no incentive for me to return to work and wonder whether there are some women who secretly (or not so secretly) wish for the same.

For me, one day a week (which has not been agreed yet but it is what I hope for) is pefect. It keeps my foot in the door, gives me a little break from the DTs and will mean about £200 a month extra in wages (after childcare cos I won't be taxed very much working one day)

It says Child Benefit on the letter - it is the one not means tested.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 06/01/2009 14:20

Child benefit is not means tested. I have not heard of child allowance, but then again, that would not be surprising.

neenz, to be secretly happy that a choice is taken out of your hands so that you don't have pressure from dh to go for an option that you don't want is understandable.

I am certainly fall in the category of women who earn too much to give it up. But I do not want to stay at home - I only realised this after I reluctantly hauled my arse back into the office. Glad I did it.

Hey, that leaflet is right!

blueshoes · 06/01/2009 14:20

Child benefit is not means tested. I have not heard of child allowance, but then again, that would not be surprising.

neenz, to be secretly happy that a choice is taken out of your hands so that you don't have pressure from dh to go for an option that you don't want is understandable.

I am certainly fall in the category of women who earn too much to give it up. But I do not want to stay at home - I only realised this after I reluctantly hauled my arse back into the office. Glad I did it.

Hey, that leaflet is right!

OrmIrian · 06/01/2009 14:22

"But I do not want to stay at home - I only realised this after I reluctantly hauled my arse back into the office. Glad I did it"

Same here blueshoes. Well I always worked but I went back full-time and it is so much better.

blueshoes · 06/01/2009 14:26

neeztwins, if it is uneconomic for you to work in a way that suits you fine (because you don't want to be pressured to do any more hours than you currently will), why should it annoy you that other women do get the choice to work through government incentives, if that suits them?

Not sure what your beef is.

blueshoes · 06/01/2009 14:29

OrmIrian, I read your post about how your dcs were enjoying it at the CMs, and thoughy hey, that's my dcs too (at their nursery)

hazeyjane · 06/01/2009 14:32

I don't think that there is much chance that the govt would send leaflets out to people as 'an affirmation that it's ok to be a wohm'', or just to make them feel better about being working mums.
This government actively wants mothers to return to work, hence why they are talking about free childcare from the age of 2.

Most sahm's that i know feel they have to justify their existence, in the same way wohm's feel that people are making them feel guilty for working. Does that mean the govt is going to start sending out leaflets saying how much fun (educational benefits etc) kids have if their mums/dads stay home with them?

Original poster
neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 14:42

Bluehsoes, I am not annoyed that other women work or that they get govt incentives, I just asked whether there may be are some women who would prefer if it wasn't financially viable for them to go back. I don't have a beef really, just musing.

I think if you are happy working full-time and your DCs are happy, great! It is people who are working when they don;t want to, when they'd rather be at home, that I feel sorry for. I just think there should be some incentive for them to stay at home if they want to, but there isn't.

I agree, hazeyjanes!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 06/01/2009 14:44

Glad it's not just me blueshoes. I gave up trying to be good at mummying after DD. I am loving, interested, will talk about anything under the sun, cook with them, take them for long walks etc, but I can't stay cooped up at home with them for more than an hour or so without one of us going mad! So Nanny Carole did all the cutting/sticking/painting/playdoh/boardgames etc stuff. Now they are at school and the teachers do it. Yay!

blueshoes · 06/01/2009 14:57

neenz: "It is people who are working when they don't want to, when they'd rather be at home, that I feel sorry for."

You are referring to a rather specific group of women like yourself who don't have to work, prefer not to work and don't want the govt giving you any incentives to work because you don't want pressure from others to. You should just justify your position to others rather than try to remove other women's choices who HAVE to work for bills.

Most women work because they either want to or they don't want but have to because of the bills. If they fall into the latter category, great that the govt is incentivising them to work, otherwise they would be even more f...ked.

twinmam · 06/01/2009 15:13

She's not trying to remove their choices, bs - she's saying that she is lucky to NOT have to go out and work and that she has a choice but that she feels sorry for women who DON'T have that choice ie because of financial pressures and not having a rich dh Why should she have to justify her position to others?

twinmam · 06/01/2009 15:16

Or am I misunderstanding what you wrote bs? Prob and sorry, if so! Wouldn't it be great if we all really did get a choice (sigh)? The ideal that the govt paints in that stupid leaflet (yup, got one too) is, I fear, a long way off.

extremelychocolateymilkroll · 06/01/2009 16:08

Yanbu - it's really annoying to hear politicians go on about how beneficial it is for children if mothers go out to work.

Yeni · 06/01/2009 16:21

I got this leaflet the other day, in a brown envelope on its own, with no indication as to who the sender might be. I thought I'd been anonymously reported to some sort of government slacker hotline aimed at abolishing SAHMs.

spicemonster · 06/01/2009 16:26

It makes out that it's easy to find affordable decent childcare which we all know is a load of tosh

andaSOLOnewyear · 06/01/2009 16:29

If only it was affordable childcare

ScottishMummy · 06/01/2009 16:29

YABU seems that what it actually said in print and your interpretation are different.anyway affordable childcare-what could be wrong with that?

sasamaxx · 06/01/2009 16:33

YANBU. It seems to me to be in pretty poor taste.

Original poster
neenztwinz · 06/01/2009 16:50

Blueshoes, you got me wrong, i agree with affordable childcare because I know most women have to work and like you said they would be even more f*cked if they couldn't. I am not trying to remove affordable childcare, just trying to say it would be nice if the govt incentivised women to stay at home with their kids if they want to.

Scottishmummy, I think the problem with affordable childcare is it is all linked in with tax credits and incentives and the general opinion of the govt that it would be better for everyone if mothers worked, but I don't think it is always better for kids for mums to work.

OP posts:
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