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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is weight an issue??

32 replies

fordywastaylor · 04/01/2009 19:21

I have posted stuff on here before regarding my MIL and SIL and things they say and do, some folk said that yes IWBU and get over it, in general I try to. Every now and again something "rears" its head which bothers me. Just like today - my SIL in conversation mentioned that when my DS (nearly 2) was staying the night at MIL (over Xmas period) that the next day they weighed him. I was a bit surprised, since my SIL had already asked how much DS weighed only a few days earlier that they needed to do that, since I had already provided them with the info. Now DS is by no means overweight/ neither have I ever been bothered by his weight. Infact I am not governed by his/mine or anyone elses weight at all. He eats balanced meals, and is not really a sweet eater, so i have no worries. I am not a calorie counter either, but that does NOT mean I am ignorant or unaware of the food concerns. I was just bothered that they did that without my knowing, I just don't want him to be weight stressed by my IL's all the time. DH saw my face when she said it, but as usual is lacking in any support for me when it comes to his family. Do I just need to put "this latest annoyance" to the back of my mind...yet again

OP posts:
prettybutterfly · 04/01/2009 19:31

Why the fuck are your ILs weighing your son????

No no no!

Yanbu!

Tiramissu · 04/01/2009 19:36

Yanbu!

I wouldnt like it at all.

My aunt did that to my sister when she was young (my sister) and she suffered all her life from eating disorders.

I would tell sil to weight herself and leave my ds alone

beanieb · 04/01/2009 19:38

what reason did tehy give for weighing him when you asked them?

souperdahrlink · 04/01/2009 19:38

Why on earth would they need to know how much he weighs either from you or the scales? I'd be mad as hell!

MarlaSinger · 04/01/2009 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 04/01/2009 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 04/01/2009 20:13

I am totally worried about insecurities in the future, its tough being a kid enough these days without your grandma making life tougher. I was speechless when SIL said they weighed him, she knew what he weighed already because it had come up in conversation days earlier. I just have to restrict the visits I guess, I just seem to have no support from hubby, he is spineless when it comes to his mother and sister. I would never take it upon myself to weigh her kids or even my own sisters, I just see it as some sort of invasion of his. I just don't know where to go with them on this and other stuff that has/will happen

OP posts:
scifinerd · 04/01/2009 20:18

WTF, absolutely outrageous, YANBU. God I would be livid. Weight is such a flash point and I think while your dc is too young to care just now, it won't be long till it registers. I would insist that your dh takes a stand.

lalalonglegs · 04/01/2009 20:33

Do they think he is fat? It just seems a very strange thing to do - although not necessarily incendiary, imo.

beanieb · 04/01/2009 21:33

Did you ask them why they did it? I would ask and then let them know that you don't want them to.

Mimia · 04/01/2009 21:44

YANBU! I would be off the planet. It has nothing to do with them at all.

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 08:03

When these "incidents" occur, they almost always catch me off guard, and its so matter of fact at the time. You know what its like when you get home you always wish you had said this or that, I suffer from that all the time!!! I have only known my hubby 3 years, everything happened quickly between us when we met IYKWIM... Not that that was a problem, on hindsight it just meant I didn't get a good handle on the IL's. I know that I have a very short fuse with certain things, diplomacy is not a strong point, and I really hold it in with them, I just know that if I start and make it an issue, somehow I will look the bad guy, and just how do you recover any relationship with the MIL and SIL and get back from a blazing row? Bottom line is the whole family suffer from OCD, whether its cleaning, weight, household just anything really it all has to be just so. Whereas I am more relaxed - still a clean and tidy person just not driven by it all. I have never met people like them. Sometimes I wish I had looked before I jumped, and I am stuck with these obsessed people who will aleays be in my life

OP posts:
Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 08:11

bump

OP posts:
Nekabu · 05/01/2009 08:25

Is your ds overweight, fordywastaylor? I mean technically, not how you feel he looks or acts but his BMI (www.childrenfirst.nhs.uk/teens/health/healthy_eating/weight_bmi/bmi.html). If so, maybe they are worried about his health? If he isn't, then it's a bit weird.

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 08:30

No not overweight at all, I have never worried about what he weighs. HV were always happy with his progress and stuff. I just want to know how to cope with them, its stressing me out, and is/will cause problems with my marriage if I am not careful

OP posts:
BlueSapphire77 · 05/01/2009 08:51

Fordy.

Simple. Have SIL's kids over for the day, weigh them and measure their height and head circumference ect.

Then don't say anything until she asks you..the kids will mention it.

Then say well, you weighed my son and i wondered what the attraction was so i thought i'd do a medical on your kids to see if they measured up..or some other nice/but/bitchy comment

She won't bloody do it again
Hmph! People should try sticking to parenting their own kids fgs

Nekabu · 05/01/2009 09:17

How very bizarre then! I wonder why on earth they do it? I could understand why they might do it if they were really worried about his health but as he's not at all overweight and your HV is always happy with his progress then there's even less reason?! Have you asked them?

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 09:19

That is so funny, her kids are 3 and 5 so yes they will tell mum everything!!! I said to DH last night what would she say if her MIL had her kids and did the same, she wouldn't be at all happy. They just think they have more rights with my son, prob because he is the only GS in the family and is treated like Jesus. Somehow I think its an invasion of his privacy, but is that a bit extreme of me to think that?

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Nekabu · 05/01/2009 09:20

p.s., When you say you have never worried about what he weighs, that does mean he's in the 'normal' BMI range for his height/age, doesn't it? If so, maybe print/write it out, take it over to them and point out that not only had you told them what he weighed but they double checked and here's the BMI chart so please see for themselves that he is in the healthy/normal range so please quit it! Good luck ... they sound as though you're going to need an awful lot of patience ...

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 09:23

I haven't asked no, but I know what it is, its the OCD in them, always comparing and charting everything. MIL can remember when when her DS did everything (to the month) 34 yrs on. Like his first word, step, when he was dry, his first solid meal i imagine. I know that we all have these dates in our memory, but she seems focused on dates, costs, money etc. Can you form a picture of her...was a bank clerk in her heyday!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 09:26

I just never realised that having a baby meant that you were automatically (without consent) entered into this bloody awful race. A horrible race of comparison, charts -I am not that bothered about what every other child does, weighs, eats etc. I concentrate on my own!

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Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 09:29

Oh yes, completely normal for his height (very tall), I just don't stress (used to)one day he might not feel like eating so much, another day he will eat everything in sight and make up for it. I let him guide me now, if he says "no more" I take the hint!

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Nekabu · 05/01/2009 09:37

They sound a nightmare! Maybe take a copy of the BMI chart and just show them - THERE, he is totally in the normal/healthy range (as you already told them) so please do NOT do something like that again!

Sheesh ... you must have the patience of a saint with them!

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 05/01/2009 10:01

I suppose its more I don't want my marriage to go belly up so soon, when I get going I just won't be able to stop so I keep it clamped. SIL never fails to surprise me, I was bowled over yesterday when she said what she said. In 2 weeks one of her kids is 6 so I may take that opportunity to to a weight chart on her then, we don't see them much so that is a saving grace. Other than that I will just make sure that visits are more supervised and DS doesn't stay overnight anymore. Trouble is it gives us a break for which I am thankful for. Sometimes I feel I have to put up and shut up for my own sanity. Arn't I just pathetic!

OP posts:
sunnygirl1412 · 05/01/2009 10:57

I think you have to be direct about this - playing them at their game might not work - if they consider it normal and acceptable to weigh your son.

You need to phone your sil and tell her how horrified you were at her behaviour, and that you are more than capable of monitoring his development yourself, so if she intends to weigh/measure your son again, he will not be visiting her again.