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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell my neighbours that we can hear them having very loud sex?

94 replies

StreetcarNamedDesire · 01/01/2009 23:08

This is making me really miserable.

We've lived in our house for a year and a half. It's a semi, and our next door neighbours are a lovely, lovely couple, about 10 years older than us, with 2 DDs. They're really friendly and have lived in their house for years and years. There's a real sense of community and our neighbours are involved with everything, local church, school etc. They really are lovely.

The trouble is, we can hear them having sex. I could plot their sex life on a chart (it's excellent, by the sound of it, and at least twice a week). We hear her orgasming loudly, and frequently hear them both giggling about it afterwards.

My DP thinks it's really funny, but I am fed up with it. I feel embarrassed when I see them, and I dread Friday and Saturday nights. The noise has woken me up before, and we can hear them when we're downstairs and they're upstairs (like tonight).We have a new baby and a toddler, so we're not exactly quiet ourselves. We did move rooms to avoid hearing them, but now DD2 needs her own room we've had to move back to our original room (the spare room is tiny).

I really don't mind hearing neighbours in general. We hear their kids and their dog and I couldn't care less. But I feel it's an invasion of (their?) privacy to hear them being intimate. It's got to the point where I am desperate to move because it bothers me so much.

I don't listen to music when I'm in bed so it's not like I can drown it out. I also feel like I should be able to relax and read quietly in my own bed without listening to them shagging.

Over the holidays they also had sex whilst their in-laws were staying. So I can only assume they have no clue how loud they are (or don't care?)

I probably sound like a total prude and no doubt I should just laugh it off, but I can't, and I'm just totally fed up with it. I don't know whether I could ever face them again if I wrote them a note, and wouldn't that make them feel awful too?

Comments welcome...

OP posts:
CarGirl · 01/01/2009 23:10

Perhaps you should try banging on the wall?

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2009 23:10

hmmm could you say something like "oh, i hope dd2's crying didn't disturb you the other night, only the walls in these houses are paper thin aren't they?" and hope they get the hint

GivePeasAChance · 01/01/2009 23:12

Get extra noise insulation on your walls. You can't stop them enjoying themselves.

BoffinMum · 01/01/2009 23:12

Can you have sex loudly back? Or ask them if they swing??

BoccaDellaVerita · 01/01/2009 23:14

Excellent suggestion from thisisyesterday. Could you try practical things too? I think you can get cork-type lining to put under wallpaper as sound-proofing.

Ratface · 01/01/2009 23:14

earplugs

hannahlouhoo · 01/01/2009 23:14

Really sorry about that street car!!

littleducks · 01/01/2009 23:15

get a friend over, when they start get friend to shout:
"what the bloody hell is that"
reply:
"its only the neighbours shagging, she'll scream in fifteen minutes,i know its incredibly loud but they are such lovely people otherwise i dont want to embarass them"

WilfSell · 01/01/2009 23:16

Make a joke about it. If they realise but carry on, then you're not invading their privacy.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 01/01/2009 23:16

If your DP thinks it's so funny, he should deal with it. It presumably won't be a problem for him to say to the bloke, "you know your wife's really noisy" or some other very blokish remark followed by "sorry to say anything but wifey's feeling a bit bothered".

Does your DP know how much it's bothering you?

And yes, it would get to me as well on such a regular basis.

NorthernLurker · 01/01/2009 23:17

I think you need to move.

Seriously - you cannot expect them to have quiet sex because you're embarassed by it. To embarass you more - how do you know they can't hear you and your dh?

Seriously - move and go for old house with thick walls or detached.

Or buy earplugs and decide to rejoice with them that they have a good sex life.

Pannacotta · 01/01/2009 23:17

How about having a loud coughing fit while they are having sex, this might make them realise that the walls are thin (we live in a semi and I often hear our neighbours cough but luckliy not having sex).

NorthernLurker · 01/01/2009 23:17
  • too mnay 'seriouslys' in that post
ComeWhineWithMe · 01/01/2009 23:17

Everytime they finish mark them out of ten very very loudly.

StreetcarNamedDesire · 01/01/2009 23:17

In the past I have tried the following:

  • opening and closing bedside drawer loudly in time to her climaxing (I'm not joking) figuring I can hear their drawers open and close and they would take the hint
  • turning music up really loudly when they start, turning it off 10 mins later, realise they were still going, then turn it back up again
  • burst into spontaneous applause and shouted 'hooray' after one session

I thought the latter had worked as we didn't hear them for weeks afterwards, but then it started again.

The irony is she CONSTANTLY apologises for the noise her family make (dog, kids etc) and the best bit is she's been round on two occasions to complain (very politely) that we left our wall lights on all night (they are energy saving, so they make a buzzing, which she says keeps her awake).

I just don't have the balls to say hey it's not the kids/dog that bother me sweetheart - it's you orgasming loudly that does it

OP posts:
oldraver · 01/01/2009 23:18

If you dont want to directly confront them, couldn't you play loudish music each time they have sex and turn off when they're finished. I'm sure they would twig

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 01/01/2009 23:19

When they finish, shout, "Seven!" in a Strictly Come Dancing style.

StreetcarNamedDesire · 01/01/2009 23:20

NorthernLurker that's easy, with a 6 month old we're not getting much action in that department. (Clearly I'm secretly jealous) But when we do we're bloody QUIET!!!!

OP posts:
Pannacotta · 01/01/2009 23:20

GOd you have been pretty brave already!
I love the suggestion to score them out of ten, hilarious!!
Maybe sound proofing is the only way to go, if you are not keen on earplugs?
I do sympathise, having always lived in "attached" houses, it's no fun listening to neighbours, or being listened to yourself...

bronze · 01/01/2009 23:21

If you can hear them opening and closing drawers it might mean theyre not being noisy at all

Pannacotta · 01/01/2009 23:22

Is your 6 month old in your room? If not move her in and then they'll realise how well you can hear each other (presuming she is not peaceful at night that is)...

CarGirl · 01/01/2009 23:23

Perhaps they are just enjoying themselves too much to be quiet at the big O time????

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2009 23:23

ohhh they MUST know already and just don't care.

god, you don't really want to be paying out to soundproof the house do you? but then, if you love the house then perhaps that's the solution?

StreetcarNamedDesire · 01/01/2009 23:25

bronze maybe it's just that certain noises carry at night

like 'oh-oh-oh-oh-oooooooohhhh'

and coughing

and drawers

I looked into soundproofing but it is expensive and we have joined roofs (I read that sound will just carry up and over through the ceiling)

Our whole house is really noisy. It was built in the 60's, not exactly a new-build. I never imagined it would be so bad.

OP posts:
Pannacotta · 01/01/2009 23:27

Is there any possibility of changing the bedrooms around?

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