Not have told no-one in RL, not even my husband, that I am pregnant, even though I've known for a week?

[effingnora]

Name-changing regular, for reasons that I hope are obvious. Only one person on MN knows that I am up the duff.

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want to raise my husband's hopes only to have them dashed again when the miscarriage I'm fully expecting to happen (again) eventually happens. This is a very wanted and long-awaited pregnancy but I can't bring myself to get excited about it.

I don't feel sick enough for this to be a viable pregnancy; I'm continually symptom-spotting to prove to myself that it's failing. I'm over 7 weeks by my reckoning, but still no bleeding. I am struggling to get my head around the fact that this may be a keeper.

Sorry about dodgy grammar in title. That could have done with a proofread...

yanbu

and congratulations (will forgive the no one and put it down to hormones)

Awwwww

I was about to tell you you were being unreasonable, but you're not,, not if you are trying to spare him - but for your sake,, wouldn't you feel better if you lightened the load a little?

Well i dont think YABU under the circumstances, keeping my fingers crossed for you

Congratulations!
If you do miscarry this one will you not tell your DH what is happening?
If you would tell him if you were to miscarry then I'd strongly advise telling him now.
Think how upset he would be at hearing of a miscarriage plus hearing that you kept the pregnancy secret from him over Christmas too?

Plus you really ought to get booked in with a midwife and GP etc at 7 weeks to make sure you get the scans on time and in case anything were to happen to make sure you get the help/emergency appts as you need them.

Hope all goes well and please tell at least your DH!

YANBU, but I do think you need to share with someone. Have some support should the worst happen but also share that hope too?

It's a lot to carry on your own.

I have my fingers and all sorts crossed for you .

YANBU - i think its up to you, BUT should your fears come true you will tell him anyway and then you might have a hurt and offended husband to deal with as well as your own grief.

HOWEVER, I pray that God blesses the life in your womb and gives it strength to grow and to be born well and healthy, and to give you a peaceful mind and hope. Amen.

Congratulations.

YANBU, at all. you are scared and wont allow yourself to get excited. can you call epu and ask for an appointment. if you are over 7w then its a v good sign. x

I can totally understand you not telling people. I think by not telling DH you may be cutting yourself off from some support - but I can also see that even his expectations etc, and his grief, is another 'thing' for you to deal with and cope with when your own feelings and grief are enough.

It is your body and your physical experience and in many ways a private thing.

I do think though this it is his baby too, even if the worst does happen - he does have a right to know IMHO but you know him best, and you know yourself best.

Very, very very best wishes to you for this one being a 'keeper'!

YANBU but IMHO whether the baby is a keeper or you sadly have another mc your DH will sense it. i tried to keep quiet with this one but the emotional trauma I was going through was plain to see.

Sickness goesn't mean anything, you would be able to have an early scan which could reassure you (or not as all us knicker checkers are only too familiar with). Good luck, don't worry about trying to get your head round it. At 23wks I'm still struggling.

YANBU.
I have done this. Mainly so that I could carry on with life as though not pg.
Otherwise I felt under pressure. I usually told dh either when I was going for an early scan or once I'd m/c.
It's entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

I can't imagine not telling my dh in this situation (and I have been in this situation, several times)

This is potentially his baby too, and you will need his support if the worst does happen.

Good luck to you and I am crossing everything that this baby sticks around.

i think yabu but it's coming from a good place with understandable reason.i just don't think secrets like this are ever a good thing, but i'm not having a go at you as it's a complicated situation and in your mind you are protecting your husband.but you are leaving yourself psychologically and emotionally isolated from him.for your own good as well as his i'd tell him.

just consider the reverse (although it is impossible) if your partner was going through something like this wouldn't you want to know so that you could support them whatever the outcome.

congrats and good luck

Good luck and congrats xx

I agree with Anyfuckerforamincepie.

Could you not tell him on Xmas Day - a fantastic Xmas present. I told my Mum i was pregnant on Xmas Day by giving her a Granny Xmas card.

Good luck though.

Awww, totally understandable, so, yanbu....however, I agree with those, that you really should be telling him, because you will need his support whatever happens....

Btw...sickness etc...doesn't mean anything as in viability of pg....
I was never really isck with any of my pg's, those that I carried to term or those that I mc'ed...

With es, I even bled, and was told I had miscarried (again). I was devestated only for being told a few days later, that all was well....so, even bleeding does not mean a mc neither.

I wish you all the best for this pg and truely hope that everything will be fine.

Congratulations - also FWIW I never felt sick or pregnant at all until I started putting on weight I had no symptoms at all .
Fingers crossed and Happy Xmas x

Your baby is real and is with you and you need to tell your DH the good news.

If the baby can't stay then you will want your DH to have known.

Hope all works out. I have had 3 babies and never had any sickness or noticable symptoms other than a bit of breast tenderness, but that wasn't until well after 7 weeks.

Want to add - had spotting and bleeding early on with dd1 and ds2.

YANBU, in that you are not trying to hurt or exclude him.

Can I ask though, do you feel like as soon as you tell someone it's all going to come crashing down and not be real? Sounds stupid but when I tested for my DC's when I was pg, I never told a soul I was, I felt like if I did it would go wrong, really stupid of me, but it's how I felt. If you feel that way I totally understand.

I hope this works out for you.
Merry Christmas.

Congratulations - and no YANBU but I agree with the the others, I know that if it were me my DH would want to know - he grieved just as much as me when I lost my first pregnancy but he was also a big support as well.

Praying that this one is a keeper - sending lots of sticky vibes your way.

If it helps, when I fell pg after my m/c I too was the same as you, symptom spotting, frightened at lessening of symptoms. At 8 weeks I stopped feeling sick and started bleeding... was convinced I was going to lose it... but I didn't and went on to have a gorgeous baby boy who will be 1 on Saturday.

I wonder if it's a subconscious protection thing, if you don't tell anyone you don't have to cope with anyone's feelings other than your own?

I really hope this is a keeper for you, I can really understand why you just want to keep it to yourself for now.

I did exactly the same - didn't tell DH till I was 10 weeks.... He knew something was up though... In fact he thought I was having an affair! So he was very relieved to find out the truth.. TBH I found it very stressful and would advise you to tell him.