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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not have told no-one in RL, not even my husband, that I am pregnant, even though I've known for a week?

76 replies

effingnora · 23/12/2008 10:41

Name-changing regular, for reasons that I hope are obvious. Only one person on MN knows that I am up the duff.

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want to raise my husband's hopes only to have them dashed again when the miscarriage I'm fully expecting to happen (again) eventually happens. This is a very wanted and long-awaited pregnancy but I can't bring myself to get excited about it.

I don't feel sick enough for this to be a viable pregnancy; I'm continually symptom-spotting to prove to myself that it's failing. I'm over 7 weeks by my reckoning, but still no bleeding. I am struggling to get my head around the fact that this may be a keeper.

OP posts:
pamelat · 27/12/2008 19:34

Congratulations.

Do whatever is the best by you.

I would tell DH though as its your own private little bubble and you will make his year and hope together.

katedan · 27/12/2008 19:39

Congratulations. I have been in your exact same situation. After 2 M/C's I fell pg again and did not tell DH for 3 days. My GP and accupuntrist (Sp!) knew before him as i did not want to get his hopes up. I ended up telling him in a very negative way which i now regret as that PG turned in to by lovely ID twins who are now 2 and unlike with DS I have no nice memory of telling DH the news.

Sending you lots of babyglue hope all goes well.

duchesse · 30/12/2008 20:28

I'm still pregnant.

IABU to still not quite believe it? Still waiting for it to fail.

Notintheknow · 30/12/2008 22:00

YANBU to still be feeling reserved. It must be so hard not to expect the worst. But every day that goes by your chances improve. BTW I had no symptoms until really late on in pregnancy. Thinking of you.

effedoff · 30/12/2008 22:04

this is scary - how identical the op is in to the situation i'm in. dates and everything.

Good luck.
And we are both Effed

fishie · 30/12/2008 22:04

duchessse! every good wish.

[hut lurker]

chubbymummy · 30/12/2008 22:24

Congratulations Duchess!!!!!!!
I'm currently ttc after a missed miscarriage in October (after a year of trying) and I know I would feel exactly the same way. Throughout both my pregnancies (the one I lost and during pregnancy with ds aged 3.6) I was a constant knicker checker and was convinced something would go wrong. Even with ds when pregnancy was well underway I was still paranoid. I was convinced something would go wrong during the birth, while he slept, when I left him at nursery/ with dh etc. Even now I still check he's breathing before I go to bed!!!!!!!! I think it's all part of being a Mum, that fear never really goes away. I'm sure when he's a teenager I'll be worried that he'll get into drugs and it'll all go wrong and then he's bound to buy a motorbike and have a terrible accident. Even when he's in his 40's and i'm in my 70's I'll find something to worry myself sick about!
I hope it all works out for you and that you will get the chance to experience all the joys and fears that motherhood brings. x

duchesse · 01/01/2009 19:31

Well I think I (and my husband) deserve a bloody MBE for services to stealthiness after the last ten days. I've managed to drink absolutely nothing over Christmas and New Year, whilst appearing to be drinking what everyone was. A cunning combination of well-chosen drinks (eg G&T without the G, crafted in the kitchen by my husband, Schloer when everyone else was on champers, etc...) and me keeping on the move. I think we got away with it, which is remarkable considering how nosy alert my sisters are.

Incidentally have stopped feeling sick, to the extent that I did another pregnancy test this afternoon just to be sure. It came out darker and more quickly than the previous ones, so am now mystified why this pregnancy should be so sick-free after the previous 5.

TheProvincialLady · 01/01/2009 19:37

The sickness came and went for me with both DS1 and 2. With DS1 I worked out after 6 months that eating anything with onion in would have me heaving. With DS2 there was no ryhme or resson behind it.

Try not to read too much into it. Congratulations

woollyjo · 01/01/2009 19:40

Hi Duchess, Congratulations. In our we of the woods we are entitled to a reassurance scan at 8weeks if there has been previous MCs. It has to be arranged by the GP. Would this be an option/help for you?

duchesse · 01/01/2009 19:46

I am hoping to go to the GP on Monday when there are fewer things happening. By then I will by my reckoning be over 9 weeks. I suppose I should have been to the GP already, but I was so expecting to miscarry I couldn't face the emotional commitment of admitting to somebody else that there appears to be someone living in my body...

oldraver · 01/01/2009 19:54

Hiya Duchesse and congrats so far... I have a 3 year old I had at nearly 41, I too had no symptons and very little sickness, to the extent that I thought I cant be pregnant and only a scan at 7 weeks, then one at 8 weeks after a bleed, confirmed IRL. This was my 8 pg, I also have a (now) 22 year old.

I'm not generally a worrier but when you have had so many failed pg's I dont think the feeling of worry or dread that something will go wrong again ever leaves you. Its not unusual to be waiting for it to fail. I suppose like me as each day/week goes by you just realise its a step further along to your goal

unfitmother · 01/01/2009 20:00

Good luck and God bless!

I do understand your reticence to tell, following an IUD I didn't tell anyone utill 20+ weeks (lots of baggy jumpers)!

Everything crossed for you!

duchesse · 03/01/2009 21:28

I'm so fat I probably need baggy jumpers already. I'm sure it cant be good to start a pregnancy more than a stone overweight.

MilkMonitor · 03/01/2009 21:32

YANBU YANBU YANBU!

MollyCherry · 03/01/2009 21:35

duchesse - I fell pregnant about 4 1/2 stone overweight , lost a stone over the 9 months cos I was constantly sick or too nauseous to eat, but delivered a very bouncing 8lb 13oz girl, who is now a bright, beautiful and very cheeky 4 four year old.

Best of luck to you, will be following the thread to see how you get on.

NotanOtter · 03/01/2009 21:38

duchesse just seen this!!!

did you start another thread when you first did the test , one that i went on?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

geordieminx · 03/01/2009 21:39

Duchesse, so many congrats to you. We chatted on the April 07 thread quite a bit, so pleased, will say an extra prayer for the little one tonight.

duchesse · 03/01/2009 21:41

Thanks Geordie- It's quite weird to think that I could have a nearly 2 yr old by now, if everything had gone to plan. Ho-hum.

NotanOtter- yes, I am that effingnora who started another thread.

geordieminx · 03/01/2009 21:43

I'll send mine to you if you like? At about 5.30 tomorrow morning when he decides its time to get up

Sorry, I didnt mean to be insensitive.

duchesse · 03/01/2009 21:45

nah, don't worry Geordie- my one wasn't meant to be back in 2006. You can keep your little monster darling though!

LittlePeanut · 03/01/2009 21:46

Duchesse, just wanted to offer congratulations and best of luck. I have had 3 MC and one successful pg (dd is nearly 3). We are TTC and I will be the same as you if/when I get pg again. Reluctant to tell anyone or get excited. It's such a mix of emotions. Joy, excitement, dread, anxiety. So stressful! I really wish you all the best. x

Wheelybug · 03/01/2009 21:47

Congrats Duchesse (I think we were both in the hut at the same time) ! Hope all goes well.

(I have just turned 30 weeks pregnant and still can't believe it so I know where you're coming from).

duchesse · 04/01/2009 04:30

I'm still being dogged by (I hope) irrational fears of miscarriage. I can't wait to go to the GP on Monday to arrange an early scan, because I'm up and paranoid again at 4am...

duchesse · 05/01/2009 13:50

Well I went to book in today. Felt like an enormous step. I see the midwife next week, but was refused an early scan on the grounds that I have had no problems. I suppose that's a good thing really...