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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not have told no-one in RL, not even my husband, that I am pregnant, even though I've known for a week?

76 replies

effingnora · 23/12/2008 10:41

Name-changing regular, for reasons that I hope are obvious. Only one person on MN knows that I am up the duff.

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want to raise my husband's hopes only to have them dashed again when the miscarriage I'm fully expecting to happen (again) eventually happens. This is a very wanted and long-awaited pregnancy but I can't bring myself to get excited about it.

I don't feel sick enough for this to be a viable pregnancy; I'm continually symptom-spotting to prove to myself that it's failing. I'm over 7 weeks by my reckoning, but still no bleeding. I am struggling to get my head around the fact that this may be a keeper.

OP posts:
ClaireDeLoon · 23/12/2008 12:13

Congratulations and I hope that all is well and that you have a lovely September (ish? if you are 7 weeks maybe August?) to look forward to.

YANBU but I agree with many who have said you should consider telling your DH, I know my DP was distraught when I mc'd but I couldn't keep another pregnancy from him even though I would feel the way you do about getting his hopes up.

loobeylou · 23/12/2008 12:14

congrats and good luck, I would tell DH if I were you as you will need the support if something does go wrong and it would be nice for you both to share that secret hope at christmas. he might resent that you didn't tell him, should the worst happen, as he will greive differently than you will.

Also FWIW, I had dreadful sickness all the way through with 3 girls pregnancies, one of which I was even hospitalised on a drip for a week in a scorching hot summer as i could not even keep water down. 4th and final pg I was not sick AT ALL, and knew it must be a boy, and it was, so lack of sickness is not always a bad sign.

best of luck to you - all 3 of you!

gladders · 23/12/2008 12:22

Congratulations.

I'm not sure I could not tell dh, but then i have been v lucky. It sounds like you have both been through the mill on this one, so if this means you both get to enjoy a more relaxed Christmas, then go for it. YANBU.

I don't think the lack of sickness is a problem? I was sick with one and not the other...

Fingers crossed for you.

poinsettydog · 23/12/2008 12:25

yanbu. Hope that little embryo hangs on in there.

lizziemun · 23/12/2008 12:27

I can understand howyou feel,but please tell your dh so you have some support.

On the note of not feeling 'sick enough' out of all 4 of my pg i have only had morning sickness with the one i lost.

I am now 29wks with my 3rd/4th pg and have had no sickness at all, which is probally why i didn't find out untill i was nearly 11wks .

sb6699 · 23/12/2008 12:31

Congratulations!

Btw - I never had symptoms at all with my pg and was 15 weeks before I even knew (no sickness, spotting which I thought was period, no breast tendernes, nada - and was on the Pill!). My first "baby" is a happy healthy 10 yo now.

And no, YANBU just cautious, but would you not find things easier if you could share it with him.

Would be a nice idea to tell him on Christmas Day.

duchesse · 27/12/2008 05:43

Well, I told him, folks, on Christmas night. He doesn't mind (too much) about my not telling him sooner. It means that I can now post under my usual name.

I am up the duff after 5.5 years ttc, and have not yet started miscarrying. Gosh.

MouseMate · 27/12/2008 05:55

Duchesse I do hope this one is sucessful. Sending you lots n lots of christmas wishes in the hopes that some of the magic wings your way.

duchesse · 27/12/2008 06:09

And thank you everyone for your good wishes and reassurance.

Guitargirl · 27/12/2008 09:13

duchesse - congratulations!

I had read some of your posts on the TTC threads so feel like I know you a bit!

That's great news and a lovely Christmas present! All the very best for the rest of the pregnancy.

FWIW - I had really sore breasts in first pregnancy (DD) and nothing at all in this one, was also convinced that must mean something wrong. Am due in about 4 weeks.

weblette · 27/12/2008 10:57

Best of luck and congratulations!

nicolamumof3 · 27/12/2008 11:18

Wishing you all the luck in the world and sending best wishes your way. congratulations to you and dh xx

oldkingcolewasaMOS · 27/12/2008 11:25

congratulations duchesse,
so glad you told him, he needed to know and now you can be in this together. Please try not to worry too much. I had a mc just over 3 years ago and when I conceived again I was constantly worrying and was terrified I'd lose it. Like you, I worried that I didn't feel sick and was constantly knicker checking. I even had bleeding at 8/9 weeks which freaked me out but our wonderful DD is now just over 2. I'm pregnant again and again had very little sickness and bleeding at 7 weeks but have lasted til 31 weeks. I know its easy for me to say, but please try to relax as I'm sure stress doesn't help. Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you xxxx

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/12/2008 13:35

i am so pleased you told as IF you do miscarry then you can both support each other

many congratulations xx

duchesse · 27/12/2008 13:41

Yes, but I'm as old as the hills now, and have lost loads of pregnancies at the 4/5 week mark. Only one in the last 5 years has got beyond the stage I'm at now, and I lost that one at 13 weeks. Hence the apprehension.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/12/2008 13:45

4o isnt old, my ex boss had her 2children in her middle 40's

5.5yrs is a lot of trying(and hopefuly you had fun) and i hope that you are taking it easy and putting your feet up xx

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 13:48

very best wishes for your pregnancy, duchesse.

anniecam38 · 27/12/2008 15:00

Wishing you the very best of luck. Please try and stay positive, i know how hard it is to think positive when you have had mc,s, Ive got everything crossed for you that this is a stayer

Leo9 · 27/12/2008 15:07

just for a bit of inspiration, a very lovely friend of mine has just had her first, at 45, after a couple of MC's

CoteDAzur · 27/12/2008 15:12

Congratulations and good luck duchesse. Lack of symptoms at 7 weeks doesn't mean anything. I had none at this stage at first pregnancy and DD is now 3. Didn't have any this time either and I'm now 18 weeks.

xMASserialshopper · 27/12/2008 15:17

Congratulations Duchesse and I hope everything goes well for you

WorzselMummage · 27/12/2008 15:38

Massive congratulations Duchess

I remember you from Conception, i really am pleased for you.

*crosses fingers x

Zebraa · 27/12/2008 15:40

Congratulatuons on your pregnancy. God luck and hope it all works out for you

mumoverseas · 27/12/2008 16:46

duchesse, don't worry about your age, I was 41 yesterday and I managed to conceive and hang onto this one. Lots of positive vibes heading your way xxx

NAB3hundredChristmaslights · 27/12/2008 17:41

With our first pregnancy my husband and I decided not to tell anyone until 12 weeks. I was scanned at 8 + 3 as the MW said I would miscarry. Once the baby was checked and was fine I told DH I wanted to tell his parents and my nan so even if I did miscarry they had had the joy of knowing a baby was on the way. That baby has just been cheeking me.

Tell your DH and make his day.