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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave kids in a locked, alarmed car in broad daylight, and dash to cashpoint for 2 minutes

175 replies

cilitbang · 18/12/2008 12:02

Is it realistically, really dangerous to do this? Has anyone ever heard of kids coming to any danger in this situation? Its a very occasional habit that I am trying to stop doing at all but am interested to hear of anyone who knows,realistically what danger a child could come to in this situation if its just for 2 minutes. Some nosey cow had a go at me for doing it this morning and I now feel so, so guilty.

OP posts:

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:22

CASH sorry - typing too fast in my excitement....

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:23

elf - 2 different friends of mine have had lengthy interviews from SS because their child had an accident or because someone else phoned SS and said their child cried more than was humanly normal.....

I'm not paranoid - I just know alot of people who have had many and varied experiences

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:24

so in some people's experiences - SS DO poke their noses in.

Sorry if you are a social worker - no offense is intended - I'm just sharing experience

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 22:24

Rofl, dh just admitted to doing that with ds at Sainsburys. Of course I said, WHAT....

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 22:26

most accidents are followed up, when we have taken dd to the hospital (fell off the bed) it was followed up by the hv.

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:27

Elf - doesn't it stress you a little tho? Having people question your parenting?

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:27

after the accident i mean - not generally!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 22:30

not really, was a little annoying when they questioned DH about our safety features in the house, and went mental because he said we didn't have a fire guard, until he pointed out we didn't need one as we dont have a fire.
DD bruises really, really easily, and she's very clumbsy. But I know I have nothing to hide, she hurts herself as much under everybody elses care too so I try not to stress too much!

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:34

I'm one of lifes worriers thats all i think - I would be paranoid for years if it happened to me - saddo that I am!

kif · 18/12/2008 22:37

SS have to follow up all reports - it's not personal.

Sagar - my car has never burst into flames - but it had a safety recall. It has an electronic handbrake - and apparently some had been failing. my 4 year old is smart - but she doesn't know how to brake with gears and foot brake!

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/12/2008 22:40

kif - you don't have to justify your parenting choices to me. Each to their own.

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:41

I drive an auto so I don;t knwo abotu gears etc - but I understood manual cars could roll away - whereas autos have less chance due to them being put in park and then the handbrake applied....

not a mechanic so probably have thought up scary scenarios that are actually mechanically impossibl;e!!!!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 18/12/2008 22:42

I was quite surprised to discover that my HV knew that dd1 had been to hospital after my dad was swinging them and he managed to dislocate her elbow. But I wasn't upset about it- she was/ is free to come round and follow it up if she so pleases, but obviously she doesn't!

My children have had a good few accidents- nearly all at home, and nearly all that I could have potentially avoided in theory. But looking after children isn't a science. You can't keep them locked up in a room in case they ever have an accident. As a child I seemed to spend a lot of time in A+E- I was holding a pen in my mouth, and another child ran past and it went backwards and ripped my throat; I watched hong kong Phooey and karate-chopped the couch and cracked a bone in my hand, I came off my bike really badly and ripped off half my face and dislocated my shoulder- with the best will in the world, kids will have accidents.I certainly wouldn't judge a mother who had left a child in the car for 2 minutes and then freakily the car had burst into flames

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 22:44

It all boils down to personal choice, but the op surely doubted whether she should be doing this, as she has posted on here.

If there was any doubt, then I wouldnt do it. I also think 2 and 3 years is young to leave them.

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:49

joolyjooly - my parents were jokily told they'd been seeing alot of them down at A&E with 4 boys "back in the day"....i have friends who have been to A&E ONCE recently and they have been hounded for ages afterwards for it from various "helpful" professionals! What might have been acceptable a few years ago suddenlt isn';t anymore - thats why I just wouldn't risk leaving my children anywhere that I wasn't - car or otherwise.

kif · 18/12/2008 22:50

sorry, Saggar - I don't mean to pick on you - it's just that you're the only one who tried to engage with my point about the LOCK being the most dangerous and unreasonable part of the OP.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 22:52

My ds has been in A & E 3 times now in 2 months, he is clumsy due to his condition. And we have never had anyone follow this up. Something that to be honest astounds me.

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 22:54

alfiemama - do you reckon its that old postcode lottery thing? Some SS departments and HVs are more on the ball than others?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 22:56

The hospital sends the info to your GP, so perhaps because you GP is aware of your DS, they are aware that the accidents are likely so no follow up iyswim?

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 22:56

Hmm possibly, I wish they had been involved, because the dx maybe rushed along a little ifykwim.

I actually know our HV really well and have built up quite a friendship with her over the years, but she hasnt been in touch, are they not notified of any trips to A & E? or is it just ss

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 22:57

sorry Elf x post, that explains it, thanks

TheYearOfTheCat · 18/12/2008 23:00

Gosh, my poor DC really are pretty neglected!

I wouldn't give it a seconds thought - leaving them in the car to get cash, pay for petrol, do the nursery pick up. But I know they can't get out of their car seats, and they are so laid back they wouldn't be bothered by being left in the car.

I suppose it also depends on the area in which you live. Crime levels, busy roads, small community etc would all have a bearing.

ithinkimtallandblonde · 18/12/2008 23:10

Ok, i haven't read the whole thread. But i just wanted to let you know about a boy in my class who was burned very badly. His younger siser and a guy who tried to rescue them were killed, the car caught fire and the doors were locked.This was back in the eighties, i'm sure car safety has improved since then but i never lock mine. I have no problem leaving the kids in the car but i always leave it unlocked and park it in sight. I find petrol staions the handiest for cash machines. God i sound like one of those old ladies with a killing cup story but i promise its true.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 23:18

Ok for me that has just sealed it. I was sat here thinking would I leave dc if ds wasnt like he is. But I just wouldnt feel comfortable leaving them in the car unlocked. I just would see them as being too vunerable. I also now would not feel safe locking them in the car.

When ds was at nursery, which was on the top floor of an old stately house. I had to carry ds2 up the stairs and get him, this was a major PITA as ds1 cannot manage stairs very well. But I could not leave ds2 alone in the car park.

seeker · 18/12/2008 23:49

I honestly think it's a Chinese whispers thing. I don't know anyone who has been "pursued' by the authorities after their child has had an accident -but I do know lots of people who know somebody who knows somebody that it's happened to. I've had my fair share of trips to casualty - but nary a follow-up. And I have to say it's a bonkers reason for making a parenting decision - "I would do this entirely sensible thing - but i won't because somebody might report me to Social Services" Even if they do, you just tell them what really happened and they more on.

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