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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave kids in a locked, alarmed car in broad daylight, and dash to cashpoint for 2 minutes

175 replies

cilitbang · 18/12/2008 12:02

Is it realistically, really dangerous to do this? Has anyone ever heard of kids coming to any danger in this situation? Its a very occasional habit that I am trying to stop doing at all but am interested to hear of anyone who knows,realistically what danger a child could come to in this situation if its just for 2 minutes. Some nosey cow had a go at me for doing it this morning and I now feel so, so guilty.

OP posts:
babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:38

Glad to hear it. Personally I think you are putting your DC in more danager dragging them across a petrol station....... But

"How judgemental are we when a mother neglects her child and something terrible happens?"

As I said your choice.

kif · 18/12/2008 21:40

Just to re-emphasise:

My main issue is with LOCKING the car.

If you have to leave your kids - don;t lock the car. You can't steal a modern car without a key. You're more likely to put them in danger by trapping them in the car.

If you're paranoid enough to lock in the particular circumstance - you should be paranoid enough not to leave your kids.

My kids stay in the car while I drop off the supermarket trolley. The car stays unlocked - I see the car, I see the other people, it's fine. I pop back inside my house to pick up anything I've forgotten when the kids are loaded in the car. it stays unlocked - because i feel my driveway is a safe place. When i go inside a shop - i lock the car but take my kids with me, because it is not such a safe and controlled circumstance. Easy, really.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 18/12/2008 21:41

I don't think YABU. having had a toddler nearly reversed over in a car park once, I am far more jittery about the practical problems controlling 3 under 5s in a busy area, than 3 small children fastened into seats in the car. You could be this neurotic about everything if you wanted, and still get laid out by a falling piano.

Even if you want to go to the ridiculous level of considering abduction, it would be quicker for someone to grab a small child who is holding his mum's hand than it would be to try to undo some of those car seats and deal with the Spanish inquisition that is my 4 yo without attracting attention.

For every car that might go on fire, there is a potential mugger at the cashpoint who might harm you or your children, or a piece of precarious masonry which might decide to take its final downward journey at that point in time. You could tie yourself in knots thinking about it. That woman standing behind you in the queue, breathing all over your children, might have ebola virus etc etc etc etc.

It's for two minutes. They're happy. There is probably a small risk of a fire (unless you own a renault- have had 2, and agree wholeheartedly about the wiring- never again!)

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 21:41

Not sure if that was aimed at me, or x post, but I wouldnt drag my dc across the forecourt, I make sure my mum or friend sits in the car with dc if I do have to fill up, or I fill up when dh looks after dc (although I do realise that somepeople can't do this)

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 21:42

I don't drag them, we hold hands nicely and walk sensibly

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:42

alfie - was cross post!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 21:42

do you have to sellotape your child to your leg though to prevent something from happening?
yes, stuff happens, and it is very, very sad when it happens. There was the case of the little girl who hung herself by a headband while playing in her room.
I would imagine that if something awful happened to your child, no matter what you did, you would always think "if only".

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 21:43

" I read a story once about a woman who had a shower, came downstairs and her son had accidentally hanged himself on the blinds in the conservatory."

Yes but alfiemamma, is that not just scaremongering? What are we supposed to do, take them with us everytime we shower or have a crap? Life doesn't work like that and tragically accidents happen, but to imply that it was the woman's fault for daring to shower alone, or to imply that it's any parents fault for not having their children strapped to their sides, is just terrible. We do our best as parents, why blame us for accidents? Even to the best parent in the world, these accidents can happen, why do people need to point the finger of blame?

seeker · 18/12/2008 21:44

Of course it's OK to leave children in the car briefly while you go to the cash point or to pay for petrol. It is completely bonkers to think otherwise. Get on with your life and don't let the what if merchants ruin things for you.

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:45

alfie - I don't want to organise my life in that fashion - there IMVHO is simply no reason to!

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 21:46

I dont blame anyone, at all. I cannot leave my ds period. Its just not possible. I was just pointing out that it only takes a minute for something to happen.

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 21:47

We all have our "thing" I suppose and we'll never all agree - I don't leave my kids in the car but leave them playing downstairs while I'm upstairs etc. IMO it's not about taking no risks it's about taking a measured approach to something. Cars can and do catch fire - more likely than my living room spontaneously bursting in flames and turning into a petrol fireball within three minutes.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 18/12/2008 21:47

I'm just wondering how leaving another adult in the car stops it bursting into flames? Surely by the time they got out of their seatblet, got out of the car, round the other side to the car seat...you would have seen the fire, sprinted across the forecourt and been there before them?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 21:49

alfiemama - why can you not leave your child?

seeker · 18/12/2008 21:50

And of course, cars are spontaneously combusting all around us as we speak.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 21:50

But an adult in the car supervising, would notice if there was the smell of smoke, or smoke apparent from somewhere, so that they could perhaps get the dc out of their quicker, than having to run across a forecourt, or road to get to them.

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:50

I was wondering that to? How old iy our DC Alfie? What about when they start school?

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 21:52

I have a 2 yr old and a 4 years old, the 4 yr old is at school but is being dx for asd/aspergers. Even at school he is under constant supervision.

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 21:52

earlier this week my DH's friends car spontaneously combusted in the car park at work Seeker - honest guv.

kif · 18/12/2008 21:53

  1. of course an adult there would be able to remove children in 30seconds flat

  2. you would only see it if you were looking

3(perhaps another passer by would see it before you - only to be thwarted by your sodding central locking and alarm

Can anyone - someone - explain why the OP considered 'locked alarmed car' to be a good thing in this context?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 21:54

When your 4 year old is at school, would you leave your 2 year old in the car?

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 21:57

Very honestly, no. Like I said in a previous post, I am a bit of a worrier and unfortunately if there was a percentage of a chance it would happen, it would be me lol.

Also, I don't need to, I have become adjusted to making sure that I am organised not to have to.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/12/2008 21:58

My dh is a firefighter with 18 years service. He has never had a spontaneously combusting car. 'Tis not a common occurance.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 22:00

Saggar, what does your dh think? I know he has said about spontaneous combustion, but does he honestly think that dc should be left unattented.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 18/12/2008 22:01

Kif - presumably because OP is more worried about car/child being nicked or child escaping from car and running after her, than said car bursting into flames.