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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave kids in a locked, alarmed car in broad daylight, and dash to cashpoint for 2 minutes

175 replies

cilitbang · 18/12/2008 12:02

Is it realistically, really dangerous to do this? Has anyone ever heard of kids coming to any danger in this situation? Its a very occasional habit that I am trying to stop doing at all but am interested to hear of anyone who knows,realistically what danger a child could come to in this situation if its just for 2 minutes. Some nosey cow had a go at me for doing it this morning and I now feel so, so guilty.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 18/12/2008 15:25

In my car the electric window don't work without the key. But the horn does! Found out one day when i was paying for petrol, had a money off coupon so had to go in the kiosk and there was a lot of beeping going on.
Muttered to myself, "who's that person making so much noise?" and then found out it was my DD1 aged 5yrs!
So embarassed

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/12/2008 15:58

if you can see the children then yanbu

but as you said you cant see the children then yabu

not a prob to leave children in car, locked and alarmed IF you can see them

I left 2 of my charges in car the other day at pick up time, both were asleep and feeling under the waether, so i parked at bottom of school drive and run up and got no 1

but i could see the car

kif · 18/12/2008 16:05

imo locking the car is a major mistake in these circs. risk of abduction is far outweighed by risk of soething going wrong and no one being able to get in the car to help your kids.

scenarios: vomiting/choking on vomiting/fitting/nosebleed/handling something dangerous (eg pills)/you getting mugged for your handbag and losing your keys/electrical fire/pulling shoelace round neck/another ca driving into your car etc etc.

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 16:23

YANBU at all. Some people have over active imaginations and make life more difficult than needs be! Cary on and ignore.

merrykittymas · 18/12/2008 16:31

Well if it is then I have been very guilty today, it was blowing a gale here this morning, absolutely pouring down so I parked in the nursery car park and ran across the car park leaving DD1 (4 1/2) and DD3 (5 months) in the car for about 5 mins, DD1 cannot undo her car seat and knew where I was and that I would be 5 minutes. On the way back from nursery I stopped at the local shop and ran in to get bread leaving both of them in the car again probably for 2 minutes.

chloemegjess · 18/12/2008 16:33

I would do it if they were in sight, but not if they weren't.

mm22bys · 18/12/2008 16:40

FFS, hasn't the leaving-kids-alone-in-a-car been done to death?

If you're happy with it, fine, but other people are not.

We all take the risks we are comfortable with. Others my disagree....but take other risks.

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 16:50

we can have a conversation about though can't we? why FFS?

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 16:52

I don't think keeping your kids safe to the best of your ability has anything to do with an overactive imagination. Cars really do catch fire, in real life, not my imagination. I don't think about abduction to be honest, but cars can and do catch fire.

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:00

I think if I went around worrying about cars catching fire I'd be a nervous wreck. What about when you go for a shower and your DC are in another room - that could catch fire??{fhmm] Or when they are at nursery - they might somehow escape - I like my hair the colour it is not grey.

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 21:01

my living isn't full of petrol, sparks and fuses though

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 21:02

my living ROOM

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:03

But your electrics could start a fire. All I'm saying is I choose to try and not think about all the bad things that could go wrong all the time -w ithin reason of course.

lil · 18/12/2008 21:11

Aaagh, this really is the doom and gloom thread today!

Kif please, please tell us how many times your scenarios have happened when you were IN the car (let alone out of it)...

"scenarios: vomiting/choking on vomiting/fitting/nosebleed/handling something dangerous (eg pills)/you getting mugged for your handbag and losing your keys/electrical fire/pulling shoelace round neck/another ca driving into your car etc etc. "

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 21:21

Sorry but I have to point out a few things here.....

What if someone drives into your car? It happens.
Your children could also get out of their car seats....again - it happens
Do you drive a manual car? If so they only have to let off the hand brake and dissapear off down the road.
Would you ever forgive yourself if somone broke in and drove off with your kids in the back / a lorry drove into the back of it / the hand brake failed and they shot off down the road with you running along helplessly behind?

Ask yourself whether you would be happy if your childminder left your children in her car while she nipped to the cash point? I'd be livid and would look for another childminder.......

I sound harsh I know and I am sorry for that but children's safety is a real bug bear of mine and I just think sometimes we need to think further than our usual comfort zone to think about "what if"

whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 21:24

I didn't read all the thread tbh and I see I am not alone in thinking its crazy behaviour - thats a relief!

For me - my children (and other peoples children) are with me AT ALL TIMES. Thats just it - I am responsible for them so therefore they need to be with me. I don't even like leavign them in the car at the petrol pump....unless I am doing the pay at pump thing and therefore right next to them

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:27

What if's can go on for ever. If we all thought like this we would be stressed out alot and our kids would be repressed. What if I let my 7 year old play at their friends house and something happens to her, what if I'm in bed at night and one of my DC goes downstairs and climbs in the tumble drier?, what if I am looking at something in a shop, I turn my back for a minute and someone steals my child - where does it stop? What do other posters who are this cautious do at the petrol station?

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 21:28

This thread always comes up sooner or later.

If you lived by the 'What If' rule, you'd never leave the house and would go around in flame retardant, shock retardant bubblewrap.

Yes, nasty shit can happen and does happen. I remember a case of a man's house burning down because a bottle of bleach was knocked over in his cabinet, that dripped onto a bottle of something else that reacted and ignited. The fireman said it was a one in a million occurence. Remember also that barrier that came down on that car killing the driver? Tesco's I think it was. And the wall that fell down and killed that poor child as she was walking past?

But I bet you still keep bottles of bleach in your cabinets next to other bottles of chemicals, I bet you still drive under barriers and I bet you let your children walk past walls.

Yes, we shouldn't take risks, but we each have our own definition of what a risk is. In these situations no-one is wrong and no-one is right.

I'm a liberal, I have left my kids in the car whilst I picked up bread and milk from the shop, I never take them out at the petrol station, I have left dd home alone whilst I picked up ds from nursery, etc etc. Other people are much more paranoid than me and would never dream of doing those things! But that doesn't make me wrong or her wrong. It just means we have different views and different attitudes towards risk-taking. Why can't we just accept this and let people get on with parenting?

Unless it's something very very dangerous, like leaving a child in a locked car on a very hot day for hours, then it's really none of our business what other people do with their lives.

lil · 18/12/2008 21:28

whonicked...but op is just spending a few mins at the cashpoint, she's not doing her weekly shop! Its all about calculating the probability of a hazard, and lots of the examples given are of a really low probability.

e.g. someone could drive into your car if you wree in it, how does not being in it raise the chances of it happening!!! You should never drive your kids anywhere in a car if you are going to worry about that one surely? ditto for electrical fires etc.

babylovessanta · 18/12/2008 21:31

Agree there is no right or wrong. You DC - your choice.

kif · 18/12/2008 21:31

Huh?

vomiting - once or twice

choking on vomiting - well, the 1 year old was distressed by the vomiting

choking on food - twice in the car

fitting - thankfully never, though my niece started fitting in the night once

nosebleed - lots of times in and out of the car.

handling something dangerous - it's pretty common for me to have to give guidance like asking the older dc not to give hard-boiled sweets and grapes to the baby. I couldn't really comment on what they'd figure out on their own in the car

getting mugged - never, though I have lost my wallet before, and once i left my entire handbag at the till in Tesco

pulling a shoelace round neck - my son went through a very scary phase of this. he would but anything and every thing around his neck or around his finger

another car driving into your car - twice. once with dc,onc e without.

Yes these things could happen in my living room if I was in another room. But I'd immediately hear/sense a change in the noise, and there would be nothing stopping me helping my kids. I think LOCKING your car is stupid, because it puts a physical barrier between adult and child.

KbearingGiftsWeTraverseAfar · 18/12/2008 21:34

I'm not stressed at all, I don't agonise all day over what ifs but I don't leave my children unattended in a car. I get them out at the petrol station and take them in with me. I don't leave them in the house without me either.

You can do what you like with your children but I won't apologise for taking care of them they way I see fit and that means thinking of their safety at all times. It's my job to do that. How judgemental are we when a mother neglects her child and something terrible happens? First thing the papers say is "where were the parents".

I just googled "children trapped in burning car" - it does happen and has done many times and each time the mother says "I only left them for a couple of minutes, please don't make them mistake I did".

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 18/12/2008 21:35

Okay, I have done it (left DD in the car while I got money from the cash point, within eye sight etc) but...

have you ever accidently shut an electric window on yourself? I once was looking the other way while pushing the buttons to do up the windows, and DH (for some reason) had his head out of the window, and I trapped his head in the window. He was in agony.
The other week I went to press the button for the passenger window to close, but pressed the driver one while my arm resting on the window, it was surprising how much it hurt!

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 21:36

kif, my ds once started to choke on a milky star. He made no noise at all, he just keeled over. If I had not been in the same room I would not have seen him. He stopped breathing and just fell over. I grabbed him and whacked his back. Thankfully he came round although he was 'off' for the rest of the day.

Just goes to show that you cannot watch them every single minute of every single day. I was very fortunate that I was with him that day, if I had been in the kitchen or on the loo it would have been too late, he would have died and I would not have known a thing about it.

Shit happens sometimes.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 21:37

My friend, parked her car on my drive, and nipped in to return something. Little did we know, her son who was 5 at the time, had released her handbrake and ended up luckily unharmed in the neighbours across the way bush.

Can you just not organise yourself so that you dont need to it, can someone sit with the children why you go to the bank or get some petrol, I know its a PITA but I just couldnt risk it. And no before anyone ask's I do not and never will leave dc alone in the bath, or have a shower whilst dc are there.

I read a story once about a woman who had a shower, came downstairs and her son had accidentally hanged himself on the blinds in the conservatory.

It only takes a minute, and anything can happen once.

What if, god forbid something happened to you, whilst you were getting your cash, and your children are stuck on there own frightened in the car.