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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off that my nextdoor neighbours 1year old cries for hours at night

126 replies

earlynite · 16/12/2008 21:01

I don't know what to do! The crying is so loud that it keeps us all awake. This is not really a noisy neighbour thing and I don't suppose they can help it but I can't stand it much longer. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 17/12/2008 16:53

Ridiculous? Really? Well I must be ridiculous then. When ever either of my DD's wakes/cries in the night I comfort them. It happened a lot with DD1, until we started co-sleeping when she was 18 months. But I have never left them to cry for 2-3 hours for 3 months+, and no-one should do this.

DandyLioness · 17/12/2008 17:04

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kittywise · 17/12/2008 17:58

Whether they are leaving it to cry or not, they should try something that stops it crying. it isn't fair on the op. Why should she have to suffer endlessly?

If it happened every once in a while i would say"that's life" but it's every night.

being a parent does not give you carte blanche to ride rough shod over others.

it's should never bee the case of 'I've got a baby and can do what I want"

NorkyButNice · 17/12/2008 18:02

Oh god - you could be my neighbour. DS is 15 months and wakes up at least once each night. We're desperately trying to stop giving him a bottle each time he wakes so leave him for 5 to 10 minutes to see if he settles himself...even after feeding he often whinges for another 15 minutes before he goes back to sleep.

Even if I sit and rock him to sleep there's no guarantee that when I put him down in his cot he won't wake up and scream his little head off (this happens more often than not).

So sorry if you are my neighbour!

bonnycat · 17/12/2008 19:28

You must be our neighbour,im really sorry,we have tried everything and are at our wits end !

KerryMum · 17/12/2008 20:02

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aidansyummymummy · 17/12/2008 23:05

Anyone want my number to report me to NSPCC.

I have left my DS 15mths to cry since he was about 8wks...not screaming....and guess what I know when he needs me, and when he doesnt.If I went in everytime he would never have learnt to get back to sleep by himself. Now he often doesnt want me if I do go in.....unless hes ill or in pain and then he cuddles in.

Just now he was crying a little out cos he a little uncomfy in his sleeping position, possibly has put his head to close to the top of the cot and needs to shuffle down.....should I have run to him?

Greenmonkies...sorry but what you said is rubbish

KerryMum · 17/12/2008 23:13

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Tinker · 17/12/2008 23:16

No, I wouldn't be peed off. We had that child a few years ago and our neighbours used to bang on he walls and shout "Shut your fucking baby up" We moved. It doesn't last forever. Be nice to them, smile, do anything to let them know you don't mind and are not a twat would be my heartfelt advice

Tinker · 17/12/2008 23:19

Read more now, we didn't leave her for 3 hours to cry! She was in our room and we couldn't. But we did, occasionally, try to wean her off night feeding but cuddling her - she still cried. We gave up - it was easier to move and wean her then

BitOfFunUnderTheMistletoe · 17/12/2008 23:32

My dd (8) sometimes has noisy night terrors. My neighbours spoke (nicely) to me about it, and suggested if it was possible that I move her bedroom. I did, as one bedroom is in the "outrigger", ie it doesn't abutt any walls, and they haven't complained since. It's not ideal, as it's pretty cold in winter in there, but at least I don't feel like my neighbours hate me...

Cocobear · 17/12/2008 23:35

Three hours every night??? You poor thing, and your poor child! You really need to go round and find out what's up. Offer help, be sympathetic, but it would be a lot easier to live with if you KNEW they were doing all they could.

Original poster
earlynite · 18/12/2008 20:02

Hello again. Please do not think that I was only concerned for me and my own. I have been quite worried about this baby. (she is crying right now actually) Anyway, I saw her mum today and asked her how baby was and if she would like to come round for a cup of tea. To cut a long story short, she is sick of the crying too so has taken to wearing earplugs herself so she doesnt have to listen I think I may have to join her!

OP posts:
Cocobear · 18/12/2008 21:05

I'm not accusing you of only being concerned about yourself, but clearly you must be stupidly sleep-deprived and frankly driven round the bend. I really feel for you. It goes without saying we're all concerned about the baby!

So... did you feel that the baby is ok? The earplugs thing is both worrying and very understandable.

pamelat · 18/12/2008 21:13

When my DD was poorly she cried for hours each night, despite my cuddles.

I think the neighbours could at least apologise or explain to you. Are you on general speaking terms with them?

Are your walls thin?

keevamum · 18/12/2008 21:41

This thread is bringing back lots of feelings of guilt. My DD2 did not sleep through the night at all until she was 2 years old. It was hell on earth!! We tried every tactic, controlled crying, gradual withdrawal, no cry sleep solution everything and we always followed them to the letter and gave them a long time to work but they never did, which inevitably left us feeling in despair that this situation would never change.

My poor neighbours must have put up with this for the 2 years along with us...we live in a victorian terrace so have neighbours either side and they will have heard her screaming the house down regularly and at frequent periods through the night. I felt so sorry for them to the extent that I would try to avoid them as I felt so guilty about it but they never complained and even pretended they couldn't hear anything which I know is not true.

Our last sleep deprived attempt at getting her to sleep was to leave her to it! We explained what we were doing and she could understand as she was older and we never went in to her to comfort her but would talk through the door to reassure her and just repeat we would see her in the morning. After 2 years of hell we had to have a night sleep again and it worked and now as a result we have a wonderful child who sleeps every night and her behaviour is vastly improved as a result.

I am no longer the narky and irritable mum that I was and we now enjoy each other's company much so I apologise to green monkies and others like her but it was a necessary evil and it worked and now our neighbours no longer hate us. But I would like to say sorry to my neighbours but fortunately for us they seemed to understand and that made the world of difference.

Original poster
earlynite · 18/12/2008 23:21

Pamelat This is the first time we have said more than "Good Morning" The baby came round with her and they were here for about an hour. Baby seemed a bit whingy but I only have my own DS to compare with and he was a very placid, laid back baby. I am worried about making any noise upstairs myself now in case I disturb her and set her off again. My DS goes to bed at 8 and we whisper whilst brushing teeth and are afraid to flush the toilet at night.

OP posts:
whonickedmynickname · 18/12/2008 23:38

sorry but i think it is totally unreasonable to expect a one year old to behave "appropriately" and in a manner that suits us adults!

My youngest has the worlds most irritating scream and he is an awful sleeper. We have close neighbours and so despite knowing that we need to do some sort of sleep training with him we daren't because frankly we are worried about what they will do/say/who they'll ring.

Its madness. Peoples dogs bark at all hours of the night when something upsets them - why is it not acceptable for a young baby to cry when its upset?

That poor mother needs your sympathy not your irritation!

TLESinChristmasStockings · 18/12/2008 23:46

Well I am sitting here in my living room with ds2 who is crying, there is nothing wrong with him except tiredness.

YABVU just like the idiots who live upstairs from me a young couple with no kids. A few weeks ago ds2 was quite poorly cough, cold, fever etc and I was walking the living room with him to calm him down, they came in at 2am and the silly cow stoood outside my door (was opening their door) and said rather loudly "oh fucking hell that bastard baby is crying again"

With ds2 (15months) in my arms, me very sleep deprived i opened my door and asked her if she would care to repeat what she said. I told her in no uncertain terms 1 he is not a bastard baby he is a baby who is not well, and 2 if she ever said anything like that again in my earshot she would certainly know she said it. Her dp was begging her to go indoors. She still stood there and had the cheek to say "can't you shut it up"

I was furious as well as extremely tired.

REALITY CHECK BABIES DO CRY

reindeercantdancethetango · 18/12/2008 23:52

dilema thats lovely

Lockets · 18/12/2008 23:55

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skrimbo · 18/12/2008 23:56

I am not surprised you are pissed off, livid in fact. It must be driving you crazy.

But you would be unreasonable to have a go at the parents for this, as I am sure it is even worse for them and they are trying their best to deal with it. Only thing I can suggest if you know the mum well enough is to have a chat about kids sleep patterns in general and if she says she is having problems make a few constuctive suggestions.

pamelat · 19/12/2008 09:10

Don't you think though that the neighbours could say a quick apology. I know I would.

I know they are probably tired/stressed out but it only takes minutes to say sorry, or at least explain why he is upset.

I blame everything on teething (within reason).

Unless they think you can't hear.

I dont think its unreasonable for a baby to cry. I think its a bit unreasonable for parents to not say anything when they know another child (with school to go to) live next door. An embarassed sorry about the noise wouldnt go amiss?

ummadam · 19/12/2008 14:11

The nicest thing our neighbours ever said to us was not to worry about the baby crying. I know it must have driven them up the wall, it drive us up the wall, but the more he cried the more worried I would get about keeping the neighbours up, the more stressed I got and the more he cried. I apologised about 100 times and I still do when he thumps across the floor trying to learn to walk. They told us they could hear him but it didn't bother them at night and they slept right through it. I'm 99.9999999% sure it was an outright lie but it made it much easier to relax with him which helped him cry less. Just a thought. You have my utmost sympathy as the only worse than your crying baby is someone elses when you don't know what is wrong or if it will ever stop and can't do anything about it.

whonickedmynickname · 19/12/2008 14:53

tles - good for you! what a bloody cheek!

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