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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off that my nextdoor neighbours 1year old cries for hours at night

126 replies

earlynite · 16/12/2008 21:01

I don't know what to do! The crying is so loud that it keeps us all awake. This is not really a noisy neighbour thing and I don't suppose they can help it but I can't stand it much longer. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
dilemma456 · 16/12/2008 22:15

Message withdrawn

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 16/12/2008 22:20

Sorry if I haven't been sympathetic to your plight but maybe it was the very unsympathetic nature of the OP. "I don't suppose they can help it". No, really? I would have thought they just let it wash over them, and don't notice themselves, let alone worry about it waking up neighbours. Selfish bastards.

Can you not just move rooms to a quieter one or use earplugs?

ninedragons · 16/12/2008 22:23

For a quick fix, get some of that egg-carton foam and nail it up to your party walls. It won't be perfect and it certainly won't be pretty but it should give you some improvement.

My SIL lives in a Victorian terrace and she can hear her neighbours open the cutlery drawer and set the table. I suppose when they were built, everyone had carpets on the floor, tapestries on the walls and lots of sofas and slipper chairs. Now everyone has floorboards and wood furniture the sound just zings around.

RiojaLover75 · 16/12/2008 22:26

Oh Dilemma, what a lovely neighbour!

The walls in our house were so thin in our house when DS1 was born that the neighbour passed comment to my DH that he could hear everything! DS1 was a colicky screamer, we had to move all our funiture round in the bedroom so we weren't against the party wall.

Poor bloke must have heard me hissing at DS1 in the night and the odd rant in the day, I'm not good without sleep !

Caz10 · 16/12/2008 22:30

There's every chance the baby is not being "left to cry" - DD does/has/will again I'm sure cry for this long despite being fed, rocked, walked etc - literally nothing works sometimes...what can they really do about it?

spookycharlotte121 · 16/12/2008 22:31

Lol Our walls are thin too..... I know my neighbours can hear me having sex. Its rather enbaressing when I think about it but when your in the middle of it you just dont care lol..... plus I have never actually spoken to them so its not as bad in that sense.

swottybetty · 16/12/2008 22:47

dilemma, your story re your neighbour has warmed my heart . dd barely paused to draw breathe from 4wo to 8wo, i was always surprised social services never turned up.i was also very very relieved whenever i heard downstairs' baby (maybe about 10mo at time) cry heartily. and when i heard the mum shout "why the F are you crying?" i felt even better.

BUT- they were purpose built flats, floorboards not allowed and basically soundproof. am now in a conversion with a teething 9mo. dh does the apologising to our neighbour and we've swapped our spare room and dd's room so that she's not directly above his bedroom.

fledtoscotland · 16/12/2008 23:03

yabu - i know telling your darling lo to shut up in the middle of the night isnt constructive but its a damn sight better than doing anything worse. 3months is nothing - DS1 used to wake at 3am and shout for us from 5mths when he was in his own room until about 1yr old. he just woke and thought we should be up. If you have a child you should be a bit more understanding and it wont go on forever

thumbElf · 16/12/2008 23:07

difiicult to know = I have been v. frustrated with my DS waking up at 1.5 hour intervals a few nights in the last couple of weeks and have shouted exclaimed "Oh FGS why can't you sleep!" which the neighbours would probably have heard.

Perhaps you could ask them if there's anything you can do to help - they might fall on your neck in gratitude, or they might tell you to piss off - that should help with whether or not yabu!

lilacclaire · 17/12/2008 01:45

Yanbu at being fed up, however sympathy also to the parents and the poor baby.

TreeandMistleJoe · 17/12/2008 07:41

yabu i'm sorry for you as you must be knackered but sometimes babies cry and there is bugger all you can do no matter how hard you try. my neighbours look after their grandchild 2 nights a week and he screams fo at least 2 hours anywhere between mignight and 4am and i have never once complained. it's swings and roundabouts, some days they get woken up at 5:30am by my 16 month old yet they have never ever complained. it's just what babies do i'm afraid and yes i have regularly snapped 'just shut up!!!' at my ds, the crying is more stressful for the partents than you!

Gateau · 17/12/2008 09:01

You are not nearly as peed off as the parents are, of that I'm sure.
YABU and lacking in empathy.
Why not do the neighbourly thing and offer some help/advice instead of moaning about it? They must be driven to distraction.
Oh, and all of you get some ear plugs.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 17/12/2008 09:20

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be pissed off, but I also think that there is not much you can do about it.

We've got thin walls too, and next door's DD is a bit a screamer. Nothing compared to your situation, but enough to keep us awake at times. DS has to move into the room next to her's at Easter before new baby arrives and it's a bit of a worry.

I think I'd try to catch her and just ask if things are okay. They're probably feeling worse than you are....

CharleeInPantoPaperChains · 17/12/2008 09:32

My son is 2 nd still cries alot of the night. I wish i could wave a magic wand and have him sleep peacefully all night but i can't.

I think it is annoying for you but you xhould be sympathising with your nieghbours not complaining about them.

I went out to put my bins out the other day only for my next door nieghbour (god i hate that guy) sees me fromh is window and come out to complain, i am so sleep deprived that i am feeling ill his comments along the lines of 'my mother had 5 boys and we all slept through from birth' made me cry in front of everyone in my street.

I would urge you to offer them help not complain about the noise.

sparklyxmasfairy · 17/12/2008 09:33

not only would I be annoyed I would be worried too, where is it considered normal to have a 1r old crying for hrs in the middle of the night for months?
I can understand some sort of medical problem
otherwise I imagine the parents would be seeking some solution at least for their sanity
expect am being judgemental

mrsruffallo · 17/12/2008 09:35

YABU

KerryMum · 17/12/2008 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 17/12/2008 09:49

I agree that baby may not be being left to cry.

my 14 month old woke at 5am this morning. he came in with us for a feed, and then proceeded to cry non-stop until around 7.30am

he was in our bed, he was offered breast, he was cuddled, he had a dummy, he had a comfort blanket, he was walked, he was offered a bottle of oat milk, he was tried back in his cot, he was left by himself for a few minutes (something I never normally do)

nothing, but nothing, would stop him. he was, i suspect just very, very tired but for some reason just couldn't calm him down.

i did shout at him to just go to fucking sleep already. but it didn't work

you aren't being unreasonable to be annoyed by it. I would be too. but seeing as there isn't much you can do about it then I'd suggest thinking of ways to shield yourself from the noise.
ear plugs?

Bauble99 · 17/12/2008 09:49

My two year old would cry for hours some nights if I let him.

I don't as this would mean that the rest of the family have a crap night's sleep.

I sometimes sit with him in the middle of the night watching dvds until I can get him to go back to sleep.

If their child isn't sleeping then your neighbours should, IMO, do the decent thing and get up with him. They're hardly likely to be sleeping anyway, are they?

Three hours is not a short period of CC until the child settles back to sleep, is it.

TreeandMistleJoe · 17/12/2008 09:51

no one said the baby was being LEFT to scream though jerry. perhaps they are there, rocking, cuddling, frantically trying to get this baby to sleep but he screams anyway, my neighbours don't leave the baby to scream but he still screams and there's nothing they can do so what's the point in complaining?!!!

TreeandMistleJoe · 17/12/2008 09:52

sorry kerry not jerry!? lol

KerryMum · 17/12/2008 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bauble99 · 17/12/2008 09:54

But after a while of rocking/cuddling etc. Wouldn't you just accept that the baby is not going to go back to sleep?

thisisyesterday · 17/12/2008 10:02

yeah but just cos baby isn't going back to sleep doesn't mean he'll stop crying.

dp got up with ds2 at 6am this morning, after an hour of us trying everything to settle him back down.
he carried on crying until half seven.

please don't assume that just because a baby is crying it is not being looked after. we were tearing our hair out this AM trying to get him to calm down.
not to sleep. just to stop crying.

AndHeaVanAnnNatureSing · 17/12/2008 10:05

Sorry I have snapped shut up at my lo occasionally when he's not stopped crying and I'm desparate for sleep. Feel awful afterwards though. I'm sure the neighbours are just as desparate for sleep as you are. Unless you're worried about potential abuse?