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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off that my nextdoor neighbours 1year old cries for hours at night

126 replies

earlynite · 16/12/2008 21:01

I don't know what to do! The crying is so loud that it keeps us all awake. This is not really a noisy neighbour thing and I don't suppose they can help it but I can't stand it much longer. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 17/12/2008 10:07

This reply has been deleted

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aidansyummymummy · 17/12/2008 10:10

YANBU to be a bit annoyed about your lack of sleep but im afraid there is nothing you can do. I know its frustrating but hopefully things will settle soon.

Can you move any furniture to the party wall? Maybe put a wall covering up? It all helps.

Maybe sensitively suggest that your neighbour does the same.....but you will need to be very careful how you approach it.

StephanieByng · 17/12/2008 10:13

It's so hard this - I don't think there's anything you can do to be honest. If he's being left to cry - what can you do? Criticise her parenting? If he is not being left to cry, well then as others have said he's probably just one of those children who get overtired and unable to stop themselves....

I do sympathise, it must be hell to be disturbed that much.

I think what I would do if this was my neighbour would be to have a chat next time you meet; say that you hear the baby and are SO sorry for them, they must be so sleep deprived - then make up an experience you've 'had' - "Oh our child did this, we tried everything...how do you deal with yours?" That's the only way I can see in to having a conversation about this to be honest, that might give you a bit more information to go on. But if she says "oh yes we've tried everything and now we just leave him to cry" what could you actually do?

gokwancarr · 17/12/2008 10:16

actually i don't think you are being unreasonable, i took your op to mean you are concerned for the baby, not complaining about your lack of sleep although that would obviously get to anyone. some babies cry no matter what their parents rty to do to get them to sleep, but some children also cry through neglect abuse etc, i'm guessing this is one of your concerns. perhaps going round there and saying you can hear her child crying and offering her help will help you ascertain whether you think the situation is something to be concerned about.

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 10:24

This would upset me too - surely you can comfort a child in the night? I don't see the need for a child to scream for 3 hours a night, I would feel terrible if I had to listen to that, I think I would go CRAZY. YANBU. I would say something to them.

cory · 17/12/2008 10:31

morningpaper on Wed 17-Dec-08 10:24:16
"This would upset me too - surely you can comfort a child in the night?"

Read some of the posts above, MP. Some children will cry whatever you do.

Seems a case for cursing under your breath- and maybe investing in earplugs.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 17/12/2008 10:31

It would annoy me too.

They're either ignoring the baby which is unreasonable of them.

Or they're unsuccessfully trying to get the baby to sleep, etc for 3 hours. However if I lives in a semi or terrace and was trying to rock a screaming baby to sleep for that length of time I would be considerate of the neighbours and take the baby downstairs where they are less likely to able to hear it.

I'm embarrassed to admit it but I'd probably be screaming at it to shut up through the wall by now! I'm not good with sleep deprievation.

StephanieByng · 17/12/2008 10:31

but morningpaper some people on here have said that even with comfort and endless parental attention some kids are screamers! I don't think you can assume this child isn't being comforted - that's why it's so hard for the OP to change anything here I think.

DandyLioness · 17/12/2008 10:38

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Bauble99 · 17/12/2008 10:44

Some 3am Peppa Pig (or whatever) and a drink would do the trick.

I'd throw in a dose of Calpol, too. Just in case.

Gateau · 17/12/2008 10:49

Funny you said that, bauble.
Night Garden is one of the few things that comfort our 20 month old DS when he's crying inconsolably in the middle of the night and there's nothing visibly wrong with him.

Gateau · 17/12/2008 10:57

Coronation Street works too. I tape it on Sky Plus and watch it later on.
I'm not sure how old the baby is that the OP is refeerring to is though. Far too young for tv maybe.

mayorquimby · 17/12/2008 11:08

yanbu. and to all the people coming out with "have you never had kids yourself?" she isn't suggesting that there is anything the parents can do about it, just that she is pissed off at not getting any sleep. it doesn't matter what the reason for being kept up is, wether it's a loud music or a crying baby, it is frustrating to lose sleep on a constant basis.

lisasimpson · 17/12/2008 11:33

I would be more sympathetic to my own child than a neighbours child keeping me awake! of course you anbu to be pissed off - at least when it's your own you can be satisfied that you have tried everything to try and settle them. When it's someone elses you have no idea what is going on. Even if they are sleep training I think I would have tried a different approach as it is clearly not working after three months!
I do not think the odd nights of this with teething/illness can be compared either.

asicsgirl · 17/12/2008 14:38

hope you are not my next door neighbour

ds2 screams louder when we pick him up we do leave him in his cot now as he often goes back to sleep after 5-10 mins. i am always in tears too tho'. goes against all my instincts

luckily this is not every night, but we have had the odd night where he has been inconsolable for up to 3 hours. calpol sometimes helps, sometimes doesn't.

not sure how i would react if neighbour came to enquire if she could help. but at least it would give me a chance to explain (and apologise) i suppose. certainly if anyone complained i think i might jump out of window

NattyTurkeyAndEggnog · 17/12/2008 14:41

YABU! babies cry its what they do, what do u want the parents to do?
jeez!

kittywise · 17/12/2008 14:48

I sympathise.

It is frustrating for you and them

I haven't read many posts but your feelings should be taken into account . If it has been going on for as long as your say and your and you dc are loosing sleep then that is not fair and I think you have a right to be peed off.

What you can do about it is another matter though

SugarSkyHigh · 17/12/2008 15:02

our 3rd dd used to cry at night as a newborn and the neighbour used to bang on the wall!! It wasn't much help obviously but made me even more frantic about trying to shut her up. Some time later the neighbours had their own baby

asicsgirl · 17/12/2008 15:52

i hope they got their comeuppance sugarskyhigh!

Pinkjennybellrock · 17/12/2008 15:58

My 19mo dd still cries a lot at night, but most of the time can be comforted (if she's getting exactly what she wants ), and she certainly isn't crying constantly.

I do worry about our neighbours though. I maintain a Stepford type composure whenever I see them!

claireybaubles · 17/12/2008 16:26

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed that you are being kept awake by this

BUT

a lot of the responses on here have really upset me. DS used to scream almost 24/7 and NOTHING would stop him. He would eventually sleep for 20 mins or so then it would all start again. He still cries a lot now and just won't stop no matter what we do-I worry about what other people must think of it anyway but seeing that so many people would assume that I was just leaving him to it makes me feel awful

GreenMonkies · 17/12/2008 16:29

No, YANBU.

No baby or small child should be left to cry, it's cruel, they should be getting up and comforting the child, not ignoring it and shouting at it to shut up.

I might even be tempted to phone the NSPCC.

Pinkjennybellrock · 17/12/2008 16:31

GreenMonkies - that is bloody ridiculous.

claireybaubles · 17/12/2008 16:31

Thanks greenmonkies

BouncingTinsel · 17/12/2008 16:45

Greenmonkies - unless you are in the house watching the parents you CANNOT assume that they are 'leaving it to cry'. My ds was doing this the other week because he had bad teething pains, he cried for well over an hour with DH holding and rocking him and me holding him and bfing him.

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