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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to laugh at my neighbour when she tries to protect my children from being snatched.....

46 replies

kerryk · 14/12/2008 14:18

have always know she was a bit of a loon but she has just been advising my dh that we really should not be putting out the dc's personalised santa stop here signs because it has the dc's names on them.

i went out to see what she was pointing and hissing at and she started on me for being irresponsible.

seemingly someone is going to come into our estate, wander into my garden and read the girls names.

then when he sees the girls and calls there names they will happilly jump into his car and be gone forever

btw the children in question are 4&7 so not allowed to wander about on there own.

OP posts:
alicet · 14/12/2008 14:20

just smile and nod and call her a mad witch under your breath

roundcornvirgin · 14/12/2008 14:20

what a loon!

ToysAreLikeDogs · 14/12/2008 14:23

I have a friend like this

She takes sharp intakes of breath when I let DS1 walk from school ON HIS OWN

He is 9

And don't get me started on my College lecturer mrs frighty pants

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 14/12/2008 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToysAreLikeDogs · 14/12/2008 14:25

Acksherly what Korma said

noonki · 14/12/2008 14:27

YANBU - maybe you should smuggle the children into the house to make sure no one is aware that you have children in the house...just in case

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 14/12/2008 14:31

Do your children often get out of bed in the middle of the night and get into cars with strangers who happen to know their names? You must make sure never to call their names in public. You never know who maybe listening in

iheartdusty · 14/12/2008 14:40

I may start addressing my children as Child 1 and Child 2 just to be on the safe side.

CrackopentheBaileys · 14/12/2008 14:40

yanbu, she sounds potty....and bored!
I would however also have a sharp ontake at Toy's son walking to school at 9, although it depends on the child and how far school is. Not to be sensationalist, but Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman were 10........

TheButterflyEffect · 14/12/2008 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

believer07 · 14/12/2008 14:56

Someone tried to get me (age 5) and two other members of my family to get into his car. He had caught us playing on private property and said that he was going to take us home, the oldest of us was 11. It was very scary and the man had a very authoritive way with us. I got in the car but the others did not, then he tried to take me on my own but, the older child fought him off, and I mean fought him off. We all escaped. But had he known my name it would have made it much much harder not to do as he said. These people always don't just snatch, they also plan aswell.

I have never ever forgot it and am very careful with my own children

believer07 · 14/12/2008 14:56

Someone tried to get me (age 5) and two other members of my family to get into his car. He had caught us playing on private property and said that he was going to take us home, the oldest of us was 11. It was very scary and the man had a very authoritive way with us. I got in the car but the others did not, then he tried to take me on my own but, the older child fought him off, and I mean fought him off. We all escaped. But had he known my name it would have made it much much harder not to do as he said. These people always don't just snatch, they also plan aswell.

I have never ever forgot it and am very careful with my own children

CrackopentheBaileys · 14/12/2008 15:01

God scary, wd to the older kids for having the gall to fight him off.
I still dont think the op ibu though, its very easy to find out a childs name, and its just as easy to tempt a kid into a car with sweets etc wether you know their name or not.

You can't live your life hiding your kids names thats just crazy

Amapoleon · 14/12/2008 15:05

Yabu, I think it's nice that a neighbour is keeping an eye out for your kids, even if it is a it over the top.

tinselroundtherock · 14/12/2008 15:10

Whilst in London, I took a group of kids on a stranger awareness day with the police. At the end of the day..they had been fully briefed and worked through roes play, etc, they were waiting to get the bus home. A young guy approached them, and told a story about some kittens (not sure how he worded it), and despite the day of training some of them went with him. It was a set up, however it made me think. These kids appeared street wise and had training, but they were still suckers for the story and so vunerable. This kind of this is exceptionally rare, but does happen.

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 19:49

Tinsel, the Rikki Lake show did something very similar with the 4 yr old son of one of the production team, who was adamant his child would never go with strangers. they put the child in a play park, with childminder just far enough away,and parents watching on camera, they got an actor/stranger with a dog lead to start calling his non existent puppy, getting all upset and voicing his concerns about the puppy's safety etc, and when asked to come help look for the puppy, the child went IMMEDIATELY, straight through the bushes towards a waiting car.Freaked me out no end. My kids have it drilled into them that they are NEVER to go from school even with someone we all KNOW unless it has been pre-arranged by a phonecall in an emergency.

OP, just smile sweetly at your neighbour and say those are in fact your childrens PRETEND names, for outside the house, to con would be kidnappers, whereas only inside the house do you use the childrens real names, but the real Santa KNOWS this of course.

I have a dilema when checkout staff etc are friendly and say hello what is your name to the DC, its Ok when you can answer for a baby, but my 4 yr old found it hard to understand why I would tell a stranger all about our baby when she was being taught to be careful. I stopped having Asda deliver, because the driver was over friendly,in fact creepy, he always remembered DDs name, talked to her, kept calling DD "his little friend" etc. Spooked me.

BitOfFunUnderTheMistletoe · 14/12/2008 20:01

Im sure you were just trusting your instinct and something about him made you uncomfortable loobey, but I do think in general that it's very sad that we treat other adults with suspicion and don't like them talking to our kids. It really breaks down any sense of community, and leads to kids being rude and shirty when pulled up on bad behaviour because "you're not my mum"....I just think it's a shame, especially when stranger danger is nothing like the level of abuse which occurs in many homes.

thenewme · 14/12/2008 20:07

It scares the life out of me that my 7 year old told me he would go home with anyone who told him too.

juicyjolly · 14/12/2008 20:11

Surely, its good to know that someone is looking out for your dc's safety, so just smile and nod, she seems harmless enough!

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:13

absolutely agree, bitoffun, that stranger danger is minute compared to the dangers some kids are at in their own homes. so sad, but so true.

however, knowing a childs name makes it so much easier for a would be abductor, as then it is easy to call them over to the car "X, I've a message from your mum" etc

But as for the Asda man, yes, he was just creepy. Not presumably a job for which one would be CRB checked ( unless someone can say different) but here was I inviting this man through to my kitchen and letting him chat to dd as if he were a friend.

I don't mind adults talking to the DC, asking what they want for christmas, what they are doing this afternoon, do you like helping mummy shop etc, but asking outright what is your name, is un necessary, and how can I expect them to judge when it is OK to answer and when not. I expect the DC to generally answer adults and be polite, if they are asked their name and don't answer, i make some excuse about them being shy/under the weather.

captainmummy · 14/12/2008 20:16

I was approached at the age of about 13 by a guy who said he knew me, had been to our house the day before, knew my dad etc. andcould he give me a lift home.

I refused as politely as I had been brought up to be, and ran off home.

When I got home I was ticked off for being 'rude' to one of dads colleagues at work.

georgimama · 14/12/2008 20:18

I don't think an adult knowing a child's name is a danger. But I do think children need to be aware, at a very young age (without scaring them) that some adults are bad and you must not go with anyone unless you know mummy said it was OK.

My mum had a password. I knew the password. I was not allowed to go with anyone at all regardless of who they were, next door neighbour, teacher, vicar, best friend's mum, unless they gave me the password. So stranger or even known adult telling me "mummy said you're to come with me, I'm going to take you home" would not have washed with me even at the age of 4 or 5. I would have refused, and caused merry hell if they tried to take by force.

I will institute same system with DS when old enough.

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:20

captainmummy, that is sad, your parents should have been proud of you. My sisters friend did the same, refusing a lift home in the rain from another parent the family knew really really well. her parents were pleased she knew how seriously never go with ANYONE should be taken. (and if her dad had gone out looking on the school route to get her in the rain, and not been able to see her, imagine the panic he would have felt though DD was safely back home. In the days before mobiles of course, as I am ancient)

BitOfFunUnderTheMistletoe · 14/12/2008 20:20

That's an excellent idea GM

georgimama · 14/12/2008 20:20

And yes it was tested because when I was about 12 I refused to go with a friend's mum because mum had forgotten the password system! Way to go mum!!