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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to laugh at my neighbour when she tries to protect my children from being snatched.....

46 replies

kerryk · 14/12/2008 14:18

have always know she was a bit of a loon but she has just been advising my dh that we really should not be putting out the dc's personalised santa stop here signs because it has the dc's names on them.

i went out to see what she was pointing and hissing at and she started on me for being irresponsible.

seemingly someone is going to come into our estate, wander into my garden and read the girls names.

then when he sees the girls and calls there names they will happilly jump into his car and be gone forever

btw the children in question are 4&7 so not allowed to wander about on there own.

OP posts:

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:26

georgimama, an adult knowing a childs name IS a potential danger. If someone calls your name, you AUTOMATICALLY lookround/go over to the car to see who it is! A Y4 boy i taught was almost snatched from outside a sweetshop, he had the sense to run back inside the shop to ask for help when he realised he did not know the person in the car (who must have heard his friends use his name on the way into the shop). This was in a week there had been another attempted abduction outside a nearby school and we had had warnings from police to tell kids to be extra careful.

thisisyesterday · 14/12/2008 20:28

the thing is, it doens't take much for someone to learn a lot abnout your kids.

if someone wants to snatch a child all they'd need to do is follow them to school one day. they'd know where they lived, where they go to school and probably pick up their names too.

it's ridiculous to say kids shouldn't have name badges, or that you shouldn't put their names outside the house. it's piss easy to find out a child's name and call them.

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:28

yes, I like the idea of the password system too, DC would also like this, as they are into the secret seven!!

georgimama · 14/12/2008 20:28

I can't agree. I was taught to be on guard of all adults if necessary, if I didn't know via my mum that they were to collect me, or as I say, if they didn't have the password. Someone knowing my name or not was irrelevant.

Most children are not abducted by strangers. Most children are harmed by someone they know. Someone brought up poor Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, well, they knew Ian Huntley perfectly well so it's not a good example of stranger danger.

thisisyesterday · 14/12/2008 20:29

how many of you call your child by their name when you're out??? if so then ANYONE within hearing distance knows their name

instead of tyrying to protect our children by making them anonymous we should be teaching them stranger danger

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2008 20:33

At primary school a group of us followed a man to his car "to see some puppies". Really made the message clear for me and I thin k it's a good idea.

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:33

I think the point is that if the person knows the childs name, it gives the child a FALSE sense of safety, they see it as someone wanting to tell them something, not "watch out this could be a kidnapper"?

Ian Huntley is a prime example that yes, the rule is do not go with ANYONE even if they do know your name.

georgimama · 14/12/2008 20:34

Totally agree thisisyesterday, although I would add that it's not just stranger danger children need to be taught about. It's adult danger full stop.

I know my mum probably sounds like a loon, I really didn't spend my childhood terrified of every grown up I encountered - quite the opposite, I felt safe because I felt I knew whether I was to go with someone or not because of the password. I also knew from my mum that if I was scared of someone who tried to tell me I had to go with them I was to shout, kick, scream, bite or do anything I needed to do to make them leave me alone. I had the right to do that and I felt safer because of it.

georgimama · 14/12/2008 20:35

As I said Loobeylou, it wouldn't have given me a false sense of security if someone knew my name because without that password I was going nowhere,even if they were Mother Theresa, and if taken by force I would have screamed for England.

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:40

Absolutely you use your kids names when out and about, of course you do, and yes, anyone can follow you to school/home and know more than you would like them to, but I was not talking about keeping my kids names anonymous, just saying that i do not think it is appropriate for an adult who has no need to know, to come straight out with "what's your name", after all they don't do that to me in the shop, do they! Because the children then cannot judge when it is OK to answer and when not. Same for random people handing out sweets in shops etc. My kids have allergies and are gluten and dairy free, so thats a good excuse, but I did complain to Sainsburys about one of their halloween clad trolley porters asking kids if they wanted sweets. he was out of uniform and I had no idea he was an employee. he was just approaching anyone with kids and handing out sweets in the carpark.

loobeylou · 14/12/2008 20:47

yes georgi, with the added aid of the password, then someone knowing YOUR name was not an added danger, I see what you mean. But lets face it, most of us have not (till now, though I for one will from now) been using passwords, and MOST kids would def listen to someone call their name.

And yes, i do tell my kids to run, yell, kick etc etc. They are 9 and 7 (and 3) and do not go anywhere on their own anyway, but I still tell them.

Original poster

kerryk · 14/12/2008 20:48

sorry just got back to this.

it may come across that she is being nice trying to protect my dc but she was actually really aggresive to us about it.

i have told my dd's hundreds of times about strangers etc but now they are both a bit about having there signs in the garden.

dd1 has been asking questions all afternoon about what the neighbour was on about.

it just kind of took the shine of there excitment of getting the decorations up.

OP posts:

believer07 · 14/12/2008 22:05

Maybe the truth of it is that she thinks your signs are tacky and is worried about house prices and lowering the tone of the area.

believer07 · 14/12/2008 22:05

Maybe the truth of it is that she thinks your signs are tacky and is worried about house prices and lowering the tone of the area.

Original poster

kerryk · 14/12/2008 22:33

we live in army houses.

there goes that argument.

OP posts:

TheButterflyEffect · 14/12/2008 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 14/12/2008 23:00

I don't understand why an adult asking a child 'what's your name' is such a big deal. Surely it's a fairly innocuous opening gambit in a conversation?

We need to teach children about staying safe, not going off with anyone even if they seem nice, good touch and bad touch and all that - NOT that they should fear all adults or treat anyone who asks their name with suspicion!

CrackopentheBaileys · 15/12/2008 13:07

Geiorgimama, I mentioned Holly and Jessica, but not in this context.... it was in response to someone mentioning their 9 yr old walking to school on their own

cory · 15/12/2008 13:14

CrackopentheBaileys on Sun 14-Dec-08 14:40:53
"yanbu, she sounds potty....and bored!
I would however also have a sharp ontake at Toy's son walking to school at 9, although it depends on the child and how far school is. Not to be sensationalist, but Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman were 10........ "

Myeeesss, but teenagers also get regularly attacked, raped and murdered. As do uni students. Sooner or later, they get to the age where you have to make the decision that their independence is so important that it's worth taking a risk. Can't keep them locked up forever.

cory · 15/12/2008 13:15

There is nothing to suggest that it couldn't have happened to Jessica and Holly if they'd been 14.

CrackopentheBaileys · 15/12/2008 13:29

Of course Cory I agree, but a 9 year olds reaction to confrontation, and ability to attempt resisting abduction, will be a lot different to that of a teen or older. It's just my opinion that I wont let my ds walk to school on his own until secondary school. I feel thats a reasonable age to be given that freedom, and the difference in maturity from 9y to 11/12y is quite large.

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