To ask someone to move on the bus and not expect to have 3 people have a go?

[Sufi]

Got on the bus this afternoon with buggy and DS1 (who is 12 months). It was busy but not too bad, and I'd let another bus go by already as it was full. I also waited for a buggy/wheelchair friendly bus, where you're allowed up to 3 buggies, and checked before I got on there was room (there was: there was one other buggy on board).

The flip-up seats were occupied, so I politely but firmly asked a man if he would move so I could get the buggy in. He got up, I thanked him and explained it was so that I didn't leave the buggy in the gangway, blocking everyone getting on and off.

After 20 mins, this man tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'you don't have the right to do that, you know'.

I said, 'do what?'. He said, 'you should have folded your buggy up and you were really rude to me.'

I said sorry, but said (and I was being quite feisty at this point), have you ever tried holding a 1 year old on a moving bus and folding a buggy down? I only did it once and nearly dropped DS1. He then got really irate and said I was really rude and that he had back cancer.

So I immediately apologised - I was bloody mortified - but he was getting off the bus. A woman next to me said I was rude and I should have folded the buggy down, and then this other man laid into me, saying I was rude and a bitch and a bad person.

I was - am - so upset. I just started crying, was so mortified. Of course I'd never ask ANYONE disabled or ill or whatever to get up. but I didn't know. I just asked this man if he would move.

So now I'm worried that I am rude, that I said it in a rude way. I can be quite forthright and maybe that's what they all meant by rude.

Some other people (women) told me not to worry but I couldn't help thinking it was my fault and I've been crying for about an hour. I'm also deeply ashamed and am worried about getting back on the bus again.

Was I wrong - seriously, was I? Is it unreasonable to ask someone to move away from the disabled/buggy area so you can get on the bus? I really can't start folding the pram down, it's just too dangerous. I feel like absolute c**p and never want to get on the bus again.

YANBU they are arses, some people are such rude bastards, I cant believe nobody stood up for you. Dont worry you were right and they are idiots.

Agree with whoever said there's no such thing as back cancer!!! what a nasty man, he must have spent 20 mins trying to think what to say to put you down, and that's all he could think of!!

Gte back on the bus and just say "..and a merry xmas to you too" that should shut them up!

I hate the busses where I live. They can easily accommodate 2 buggies and 3 at a squeeze if they're not too big. However, the drivers NEVER let more than one buggy on the bus. I actually went and complained the other day to the driver as he wouldn't let a mother on with her buggy when there was plenty of space. I got kicked off the bus!
I'm thinking of writing to the big bus companies to find out about their official pushchair policies.

You can have cancer around your spine - its not made up.

I think you were ok to ask, and he should have said he was unable to at the time instead of leaving it.

BUT IMO that area is for disabled people and buggies and both should have equal priority.

But smurf if he did have back cancer that really doesn't stop him moving along the bus, whereas you just can't with a buggy.

Do your best to forget it occurred. He sounded passive agressive to me. He could have explained that he was in a lot of pain and moving would be uncomfortable for him, the tutters could have helped you when you got on the bus. Either would have been more sensible than waiting for 20 minutes before having a go and making you cry.

What on earth is wrong with people nowadays? This sort of unhelpful attitude crops up everywhere.

The buses have notices that state 'up to 3 buggies if there are no wheelchair users'. Lily - that bus driver sounds awful and I would complain. I've always really encouraged other people and mums to use the bus as we have terrible congestion and pollution here - childhood asthma is twice the national average, with 1 in 5 kids getting it - but I can see why people avoid it. People just seem so angry all the time, and I sometimes think, though could be paranoid, that I am a target as I'm young, well-spoken and people think 'posh cow'. I'm not - have worked since age 14 and support my (very skint) mum and dad, as well as my own little family, but sometimes people just assume. Oh I don't know. Am tired and upset and it's not come at a great time, TBH. Had I been in my usual robust frame of mind I would have argued back, probably. It's just this mean-ness that gets me down: people should be kind to each other, and I genuinely try to be kind.

Perhaps they would have preferred it if you had dropped your 12 month old on his head in the aisle whilst attempting to fold a buggy and juggle a few bags at the same time? They could have had a right old go about unfit mothers then.

Sorry but this is one of my bugbears - infants aren't allowed to travel one inch in a car without being securely strapped into an approved car seat, yet once you start using public transport it's like Health and Safety just doesn't exist and you are expected to perform some sort of public acrobatic display - keeping your footing on a lurching bus whilst simultaneously folding a pram, holding an infant and not drop your shopping all over the floor.

Our bus drivers always check for free buggy slots before letting anyone on. If a buggy is at stop he either yells at passengers to move "Buggy Boarding", or he tells the Mum at the stop "Sorry luv, you'll have to fold it before boarding" so they know and have the choice.

Only time I used to get annoyed was the same Mum EVERY morning, who got on bus near the town centre when it was ALWAYS full, and we all had to wait every day whilst she folded buggy after bus had stopped. Her toddler was over 2 (not a baby) so WHY couldn't she just have it folded, just once??

I'm sure they would have loved it if the baby had been dropped. That would have made their day.

And then they probably would have tutted at the noise he made while screaming because I'd dropped him on his head

They would have complained that he was blocking the walkway.

OK if he had back cancer he had as much right to be there as you but he should have said when you asked. However I do think the way you asked may have sounded like you weren't really asking him to move but more like telling him to move. I usually find people are more likely to cooperate if I say something like "Sorry to be a pain but would it be ok if you moved over there so I could get the buggy in?" I know it virtually sounds the same but sometimes people don't like thinking they are being told what to do rather than asked and it gets their back up.

If a situation like this happens again and there are no spaces for the buggy it is entirely possible to fold a buggy down. You get on the bus with shopping and baby. You put shopping in luggage bit at the front and you sit DS on the floor/chair/ask driver/passenger to hold him. You get back off the bus and fold the buggy and lift it onto the bus. Sorry but it just isn't rocket science and people have been doing it for decades.

Milliways - I don't fold the buggy down until the bus comes cos I have to get DS on the bus first a) because he would probably run into the road whilst I tried to fold it otherwise and b) I can't hold DS' hand and walk him onto the bus and carry the buggy in the other hand

How far did he actually have to move to allow you to put the buggy where he had been? I mean, if he can walk to the bus stop and get on the bus then get home or wherever afterwards, surely he can move a few paces? With a buggy you don't have the choice. I sound like a completely unsympathetic cow, but reading this has really annoyed me - you shouldn't have been ridiculed for doing what anyone would have done in your situation. He reacted in a strange and very unreasonable way. Perhaps you can understand his reaction more if you consider he's distressed with having cancer (and you can get cancer anywhere, so while back cancer sounds odd, it's definitely possible), and probably quite angry about it, and perhaps saw you as a good person to vent at, particularly if you came across as strong and assertive. Also, how old was he? If he was older he might be of a generation where being instructed to do anything by a woman is unusual and may have felt put out by that as well. Just some thoughts.... Poor you though. I would have bawled my eyes out!!

nappyaddict if you got off the bus here leaving the baby on board the bus driver would drive off. Seriously that is not a good idea in all areas!

If you leave the baby on the floor I find it topples over and rolls around when the bus starts moving as well!

Really? You've seen a baby drive off with a baby left on it?

Then again, when I get off the bus I do usually joke to the driver and say now don't drive off without me I'm just getting the buggy.

at the idea of giving your baby to someone else/put on floor then get back off the bus!!!! No way in a million yrs.

OP -YANBU. People can be so nasty.

Sorry NappyAddict but I just don't agree that it is generally easy for parents of young babies to fold prams on buses. Of course it is easier with practise and confidence, but if you don't have both of those it can be incredibly stressful and bordering on dangerous.

You should be able to use the service independently without having to rely on the goodwill other passengers to help you, and I personally wouldn't dream of asking the driver to hold my child - they are responsible for the safety of a large public vehicle on the road. And would you really put a very tiny baby on the floor of a moving (or even stationary) bus? I just think buses should be properly designed for everyone that needs to use them.

Nappyaddict - live in a big city, it just doesn;t work like that. People won't help, barge to get past you, would probably kick DS out of the way as not looking and the driver would def. drive off before I'd had time to get DS safely seated - people won't wait a second for you. And the driver won't hold him - he's safely encased behind bullet proof plastic and won't come out for anything!

There was a case here recently when a woman tried to do that, put her (older - about 2 yr old) son on a seat and the driver pulled off so sharply, the child was catapulted off the seat and broke his arm and nose.

Not risking it - that's why I wait for the buggy/wheelchair friendly buses that have plenty of room for buggies IF people don't clog up the seats. And that's why I let other buses go past, too, and end up waiting ages just so that my son can be safe.

Now DS is older I sit him on the chair or sometimes a nice old lady will offer to hold him. When he was younger I sat him on the floor cos I was afraid he would fall off the chair. I don't see anything wrong with that and I've seen loads of people do it. How else are you meant to do it if there is no spaces for the buggy? It's not convenient no and it is a PITA I will agree but I wouldn't say it was difficult. I've always done it like everyone else - just seemed common sense.

Oh, and there's also nowhere to store the folded buggy - after all that (if I'd done it), me, my bags, DS and the now-folded pram would have been stood in the middle of the aisle blocking everyone's path! So much easier for all concerned if I just wheel it into place. It sits vertically and literally takes up as much room as one person standing or a single, flip-up seat.

No way would I put him on the floor on a busy bus! You're kidding, right? It's busy where we live, maybe less so where you are. IF he stayed in one place (unlikely - he can crawl and cruise), then he would likely be kicked or trodden on as more people get off and on. People really don't look down when they walk about - I'd never, ever do that to him. Plus the floor is usually covered in sticky food-and-drink nastiness. Nope, not happening.

nappyaddict, you certainly could not proceed in that way on a London bus - baby would get trampled. People who fold buggies do it be holding baby in one arm whilst trying to kick buggy down with leg. It is frightening and unsafe...