To be really farking annoyed at DD's school marketing ploys?

[NoPresentsInVictorianSqualor]

I have talked before about the huge amount of money that the school asks from us but when it's for trips and experiences it doesn't bother me too much.

But every couple of weeks the PTA has some sort of fund-raising thingy going on (again I realise my DD&DS will benefit from this). The christmas term is the worst. We've had the xmas cards they made, the different carol concerts (which though much nicer with mulled wine and minced pies, is just another money-making event) we had mufti day last week, they have had three different costumes to find in the last month etc.

Today is the xmas fayre. If I want to I can purchase a calendar (which is basically a picture my DC's drew with one of those calendar thingys on) for £1.
I don't want to!
I've told them we will make our own calendars by creating month specific pictures and photographing them and doing it online much better IMO, but anyway I digress.

I turn up at the school with a very poorly 7 month old, who tbh, I didn't want to wake, nor take outside but I had no choice.
There is absolutely no way I am planning on going to this poxy fayre but that's ok, because it's in the Quad, so I can go round to get to DD's class, pick her up and come straight home.

I get to the school only to find parents waiting outside DD's classroom, which is empty.

A TA overhears us all talking about where our DCs are and says that they have gone to the fayre with their teacher. I mill about looking for DD for twenty fricking minutes, DS2 is crying and I am really fed up.

Then I see that there are children from her class coming out of the main hall. So I go in and she is stood right at the back with her teacher who is selling the calendars.

HOW DARE THEY GUILT ME INTO BUYING SOMETHING THAT WILL OTHERWISE GO IN THE BIN?????

Not only am I pissed off that I had to go right into the middle of the fayre (so the DC's can beg me for things) but they didn't tell us where they would be and they put my daughter in front of her work to try and make me buy it. I didn't buy it because it's crap and I don't want it but what about those who can;t afford it? How on earth would that make them feel? (I know it's only a pound, but there are a lot of people who have 3 children at that school, that's £3 for the calendars and £3 for the mufti in less than a week!)

Not read all posts, so may be repeating.

Ds goes to the Catholic primary school(don't know if it's the same for other schools that aren't Church schools)and we get all these charity boxes sent home for us to fill with money.
Send in your 'spare' 20 pence pieces so that we can stick them end to end to make this picture or that graph for charity. Harvest festival.
Non uniform days, send in 50p.
Wear a costume to show your favourite book character...50p.
Wear something yellow...50p ~ all for charity you understand .
I'm a charitable person on the whole, but it does get silly when you are struggling to pay the bills at home...I tell Ds that 'Charity begins at home' .

I think YABU. Our school has an earlier pick-up on the school fair day, otherwise the children go into the fair. They haven't done it to personally annoy you, or to try to force you to pay £1 for your child's calendar. You are partly annoyed because your child is ill and it's more inconvenient to go and get the older child, and then mixing it up with resentment about the fair.

When I don't feel like going to the fair I don't go, and nobdy thinks anything of it. This year I'm helping out - I hope there aren't too many people who are as resentful as you about it. Lots of people have given up time and effort to arrange it and try to raise money for all the children.

Maybe at your school, brokenrecord, but we DO NOT have an earlier pick-up.

CHANGEDMYLIFE, every single trip DD has been on this year I have paid for, that's how I know.

I'm not a PTA person, but I think YABU.

It is absolutely not compulsory to buy anything. I never go to book fairs, and don't buy school photos etc if they are no good. I tell the dcs it's too much money and that's that.

But quibbling over 50p here and there is just churlish. Before you say money is tight blah de blah, can you honestly say that you don't spend twenty times that much a month on frivolities for you/your dcs?

I think it's sending out a certain message to say it's ok to spend money buying crisps/magazines/cokes/ice creams/Sky subscriptions/Playstation games for yourselves but donating a box of chocolates for the school raffle is too much.

OK, I think they probably do lots behind the scenes then that parents dont know too. just my thoughts. i am sure your children have benefitted from money raised by the PTA and future children will too! i doubt they dont mean to harass you but there are very few ways to make money for schools that doesnt involve asking parents, we have tried a few at our school and they dont really take off. As you said you may join the PTA at your school then you can see what work is done behind the scenes to raise money and how hard it can be!

You can simply say 'no thank you' to calendars, photos and books from the book fairs!

And people who moan about school trips and say, "Oh, but it only costs £1.50 to get in there", don't you know about insurance and coach costs? Durrrrrrr.

It's not about the money...
It's about not being given the choice to participate or not.
I could have easily avoided the Fayre if DD wasn't smack bang in the middle of it.
I could also have avoided the calendars if I wasn't forced into the school hall and then met at the door with it this morning.
And no-one should ever have to search for 20 minutes to find their child.

CHANGEDMYLIFE, If they don't want to harass me it's pretty simple! Don't FORCE me to go to the Fayre to pick up my child.
The problem isn't even with the PTA anyway! It's the teacher that took DD there, and the teacher that told the TA to ask me about the calendar)

Might be worth suggesting it for next year!!

Was it just your DD in there then, or had the whole class gone through to it. I don't understand now.

You could attend the PTA meeting and make your point!

When I finally found her(pushing a buggy through that crowd was horrendous), Just DD, but DD said they all waited there so the parents could get the calendars when they picked them up. I think I was the only person who didn't buy the calendars, and now I feel mean and horrible for not paying £2 for two pictures my children drew that I would have just thrown in the bin anyway.
I'm wishing now that I'd just BOUGHT the bloody calendars and am tempted to go up at hometime and buy them, but that's not going to help anything!

Our Pta does raise a lot of money for outsdoor equipment etc... but does not finance school trips I know a lot of other PTA who don't either CHANGEDMYLIFE. Firecone in an other AIBU I think started by same OP but anm not sure 9maybe you were on it too?), we had a long rant about precisely that (insurance costs etc...) and while we all know about these charges, it does not make it fairer. A trip charged £10.-- for an actual entry price of 1.50 is OTT. I can take my entire family (6 of us) to some attractions to which I could not afford to send 1 of my DCs as a school trip+ I wold see the amazement in my DCS eyes which I cannot do while on a school trip.

Think you are having a bad day - like me!

I only go to the fairs now that my two are out of buggies.

Just forget it and make the calendars with them you spoke about earlier. I'm off to sell tickets to santa's grotto in the freezing playground....

I Have been chair of the PTA. How the hell do you think we feel ???? We work many many many hours for people like you to complain about what money you should and should not spend - if you don't want to spend money then don't - simple as that.
The PTA are always under pressure to raise money to help the school. The PTA are also always looking at ways so that money doesn't have to come from the parents but what do you suggest then ??!!
As far as I am concerned when I was running the PTA people like you made my blood boil and I wanted to say F* it lets not bother as nobody actually appreciates it the hard work and effort people put in!!(apart from the children)!

But what people do forget it is the new trim trail your children benefit from or the new whiteboards, or painting of the cloakrooms, new playground toys etc etc list is endless... Are you saying you can't see anything being provided from the money raised ?
Let somebody else do it - if you don't like it maybe you should suggest no PTA or do something about it and join the PTA and tell them not to bother with functions, if you think you can do better and see what happens to your school then and for your children to have nothing to enjoy

Good luck to you - I feel sorry for your kids!

I will apologise as I am not normally an angry person but this infuriates me, you clearly have no idea what effort goes in behind the scenes, its like a full time plus more job without getting paid!

onthewarpath, I didn't start it, but I was definitely on it.
It was about 'voluntary' payments, no?
I asked if the reason the payment was more than the trip cost was because some parents never paid, so the ones who did had to over the cost.
For example, I'm helping at the pyjama party next week, it's one pound per child for one biscuit and a small cup of hot chocolate. There are about 30-50 children going to be there. There is no way on earth it costs that much to make the hot choc and biscuits, it's probably one, maybe two jars of hot choc, two or three packs of biscuits and some plastic cups.

I can't afford to buy magazines/sweets/crisps/drinks/rubbish etc. I personally don't have treats in the house. So, if I can't treat my own kids to something that might cost 50p, then I'm going to feel pretty bloody bad/mean/tight towards them when I keep having to fill up their charity boxes/pay for non uniform days etc. I always have paid out in the past, but things are different for me and many others right now and 50p is a lot of money out of my £25 a week food/clothes budget for me and my Dc's.

minxi, did you totally bypass my OP?
and the rest of the things I've written?

I haven't once said I don't appreciate the PTA, or what they do, or that my children benefit from it.

I have complained about the way the calendar sale has been done, and about my DD being sat smack bang in the middle of a fayre that I didn't want to attend.

It's so easy to say 'If you don't want to then don't' but it's not that simple is it? It's easier to say 'oh, fuck it,' and buy the calendars or whatever else it is but I DON'T WANT THE FLIPPING CALENDAR so why should I?

DS1 year had a 'sleepover party'- it was £12 per child and there was 40 kids in attendance.

they were provided with food on the night but £480 in total to sleepover on the floor at school?

Yes, that was the one NoPresentsInVictorian Squalor.www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=am_i_being_unreasonable&threadid=653689-to-think-you-should-pay-the-quo t-voluntary-contribution-quot#13302192

another thing I wanted to add, I am a PTA member (already said that) but we cannot force people to appreciate what we do .

I can honestly say the only DCs I have in mind when organising events and helping are MINE, yes, all do benefit of fundraised, but it is for MINE I am doing it.

I like our state school PTA's approach. They told us at the beginning of the year we could pay $100 per child and $75 for each sibling and we would not have to bother with cookie dough sales, magazine sales, christmas card sales and all the rest of it. They had worked out that by the time they have paid the cookie dough etc. suppliers the PTA only got about 44% of the money. When we paid to the PTA directly they got 100% and I think it is tax deductible.

Just not to have to bother neighbors, friends, work colleagues and all the rest with continuous sales of tat is so worth it.

Yes, it probably is more convenient and more money efficient, but what about the community aspect of school events?

I thought about joining the PTA but, having spoken to the chairwomen about my access needs they refused to change their meeting from up some stairs to a downstairs classrroom. So fuck 'em.