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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that all those generations of women who battled for equality for women have actually achieved nothing!

601 replies

flixx · 02/12/2008 16:59

All that has changed is that women are now expected to go out and work and well as still being souly responsible for the vast majority of domestic stuff and childcare.

Womens lives aren't better or easier, infact they are now so complicated that half of us are so stressed and knackered we don't even remember who we are anymore.

The role of a mother is less valued by society than it has ever been when we all know that it truely is THE hardest job ever.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 03/12/2008 15:44

there is inherent sexism in that women are on average paid less for the same jobs so when deciding who gives up work it ususally makes more sense for the lower paid (woman to do so)

its not as simple as sexism though, attitudes, upbringing, tolerance of employers to part-time working etc all play a part.

ScottishMummy · 03/12/2008 15:44

annieMac i work ft,lo at nursery FT

StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 03/12/2008 15:45

During my studies we set up an experiment wrt domestic chores!

We interviewed seperately men and women in a relationship and asked one question:

What percentage of the housework do you do!

Overwhelmingly the men quoted figures close to 50%, and overwhelmingly the women quoted figures close to 90%!

anniemac · 03/12/2008 15:46

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anniemac · 03/12/2008 15:48

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MorrisZapp · 03/12/2008 15:48

Haven't read the whole thread but am passionate feminist myself and daughter of bra-eschewing 70's 'first wave' feminist so plenty of opinions to give!

I think the OP was trying to make what is actually a very valid point, but at the same time, I believe the opposite. I find it depressing how much was done by our forerunners, and how little we actually acknowlege or understand this. I refer especially to today's young women, many of whom have no idea what feminism has achieved for them, and who write it off as a style choice for ugly women.

On the point of feminism across the generations, my mum was a very vocal feminist in my childhood which led to all sorts of embarrassment for me, though of course looking back I'm proud of her.

My granny (dad's mum) is however the most sexist person I have ever met in my life, and makes Bernard Manning look like Gloria Steinem!! She used to give my brother bigger presents than me and my sister because 'he's the boy' - ditto larger portions of food.

If she had to return anything to a shop or make a complaint she would refused to be fobbed off with a 'girl', (a woman of any age) and insist on seeing a man.

These attitudes are no doubt dying out but the age old double moral standard is alive and well amongst young people today - just look at the annual misogyny-fest on the Big Brother forums, coming as much from women as men.

In so many ways, we are indeed our 'own worst enemy'. We'll never have equality while we're still slagging each other off for enjoying sex as much as men do.

OrmIrian · 03/12/2008 15:50

Bugger me! I wonder who those little people are in my house. The ones I look after, read to, play with, have conversations with.... clearly they can't be my children since I am missing out on bringing them up. I wonder who they are then....

ScottishMummy · 03/12/2008 15:51

in rl i tend to know majority working mums but socialise with sahm and working mums.in RL we dont discuss work status only on MN to we decimate each other

OrmIrian · 03/12/2008 15:51

anniemac - I too don't know many woman who worked full-time when they children were at primary school. And I've never had a whiff of critisism about it in RL. Only on parenting boards.

anniemac · 03/12/2008 15:54

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LazySleepy · 03/12/2008 15:58

Anniemac- you are not alone, :-), btw agree with everything you say.

anniemac · 03/12/2008 16:03

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FioFio · 03/12/2008 17:02

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AtheneNoctua · 03/12/2008 17:09

I find people who care in RL unfortunately. I spoke to my mum and my sister both of who I had though were die hard feminists last week. I told them I was considering taking a job that would involve M-F travel every week. Both of them questioned why I would want to take a job that involved not seeing the kids all week. My DH works away M-F every week and no one has ever questioned his priorities.

I was surprised and disappointed in my mother and sister. I told DH and he said that if I want to take this job I had better get used to it. He's right. I am taking this job, BTW. And I had better thicken my skin pronto. There will be more comments like this. I shall pause, smile, and politely tell the next person to fuck off.

AtheneNoctua · 03/12/2008 17:10

No worries, Fio.

MavisG · 03/12/2008 19:02

AtheneNoctua, I just wanted to say that I hope you really enjoy your new job and I'm sure your children will be proud of you - thicken that skin!

findtheriver · 03/12/2008 19:53

Just dipped back into this thread.
Daftpunk - I really don't know who you think would be paying these women who want to be at home? Erm.... other working parents, through their taxes? I think not!!

It's rather sad that you assume paid employment for most women is just drudgery, and something they would rather not be doing. I don't know whether you are just drawing on your own experience of working, but there are plenty of interesting jobs out there! I am certainly raising my children to believe that they are better off working towards an interesting career rather than seeing work as being just drudgery.

Tortington · 03/12/2008 20:08

i would rather eat shit than have another baby - quite literally, some people don't actually like being at home y'know.

what has really happened is that since the industrial revolution - those people (poor) that can work, do work, men, women, children.

and now you want some kind of .....i dunno....something...in place so you can stay at home

stay at home, do. bbut work for it save up and have a baby and then live off your savings - nah its not feasible is it - add it up - the figures dont work.

so you want me to pay for you stopping at home

why should i?

Anna8888 · 03/12/2008 20:44

Ooh Athene are you going to become one of those mythical 2 (or even 3) nanny families now?

findtheriver · 03/12/2008 20:44

well said custy

OrmIrian · 03/12/2008 21:34

Actually custardo I have finally reached that state of nirvana too! I would likewise eat shit than have another baby. It's taken years but I am finally there. The mere thought of the whole business gives me the shivers. I am liking where I am right now

Tortington · 03/12/2008 23:11

lol, i know. i amlooking t a working retirement, with no kids at home by the time i am 45.

EachPeachPearMum · 03/12/2008 23:20

I am not sure I agree that the cost of childcare should be tax deductable- surely we chose to have children- why should other taxpayers subsidise that? There is an overpopulation problem in the world atm- it is a luxury in the west to have large families.
I agree the costs are exorbitant- way, way more than my mortgage tbh.
I would love to know why daftpunk thinks having 4 children excludes you from working though- my mother had 4 and worked full-time. Xenia had 5, and worked full-time.

stephla · 03/12/2008 23:29

If no one has children, how are our pensions and NHS going to be paid once we stop work? I don't think that they have put our NI contributions into Savings Bonds. I think they are busy spending it right now!

EachPeachPearMum · 03/12/2008 23:40

I hate to say it stephla but there will not be a state pension by the time I retire- I guarantee it. As you say- they are spending it now!
Immigration helps too you know- there are plenty of people willing to move here for work from countries with fewer resources.