Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be suspicious of DH mobile ALWAYS being on silent mode?

109 replies

Boobalina · 01/12/2008 10:59

He has it on silent at work, god knows why as he is the boss of the company and receives work calls all the time. But then when we are at home he has it on silent all the time and the phone is always in his pocket - like all the time, he never takes it out. When he is out without me it takes ages for him to answer a call from me, because its on silent. And I keep telling him to put it on normal when he's out as I can't get hold of him in an emergency.

He never used to do this, its only in the last 18 months.

I've wondered about an affair, but can't actually think when he would be doing it, unless he is lying about being with our mutal friends or in his lunch break?

OP posts:
bollockbrain · 01/12/2008 15:36

MINE IS ALWAYS ON SILENT TOO!!

i do that because I keep stopping what i am doing to read jokes and stuff or chat when i cant so dont jump down his throat without any evidence.

Not always a suspicious reason to have it on silent. He prob gets loads of aggro calls and then just looks at it every so often just to check if anything imprtant has come through.

claw3 · 01/12/2008 15:38

Perhaps you are being a bit paranoid, suspecting an affair just because of a silent phone.

pud1 · 01/12/2008 15:40

phone on silent was my first clue when my oh was sleeping with my friend

pud1 · 01/12/2008 15:41

does he ever leave it hanging around,

claw3 · 01/12/2008 15:44

Pud1 - the OP says he has left it on silent for the last 18 months, surely there would be other signs by now?

NorkyButNice · 01/12/2008 15:47

My phone is on silent the majority of the time - I have it on vibrate but often don't feel it.

It does annoy DH if I don't answer it, but I hate it when it rings at work.

WilfSell · 01/12/2008 15:51

Think you're a bit paranoid unless you have other things to worry about. My phone is almost always on silent because a. I don't want it to disturb work stuff and b. I don't want millions of phone calls when I'm off duty.

Surely a smart bloke who was having an affair would just buy a different mobile you didn't know about?

pud1 · 01/12/2008 15:51

you would think so claw3. tbh my oh had an affair for a year before i admitted it to myself. there was signs but you dont always want to see them. i am not saying that this is the case here, its just my experiance

duckyfuzz · 01/12/2008 16:15

mine's on silent all the time, I hate it when meetings are interrupted by phones ringing so I try to be as considerate as I'd like others to be

Blinglovin · 01/12/2008 16:27

Is your DH a gadget man? I find my DP, and even more my sister's DH who's a total gadget freak, are NEVER without their phones. But... they have them on silent or vibrate most of the time.

I on the other hand am notorious not only for having my phone on silent most of the time, but also having it buried at the bottom of my handbag, in another room, with the door closed! I agree with someone else who said that people seem to think having a mobile phone means you should be available whenver they want you and that's ridiculous. I let people leave messages, and am always happy to leave messages back for people whose phones are off/on silent.

bubblagirl · 01/12/2008 16:28

my phone is also always on silent i just hate it disturbing me and i dont like to leave calls ringing for ages or cut them off if i dont want to talk to someone

especially if at work boss or not you may not want phone disturbing your work anfd you can always call someone back when you see missed call

my dp also has phone on silent atr times whe at work etc but i trust him do get mad when i cannot reach him at times as he probably does with me but neither one of us are doing anything wrong i like mobiles but just hate it when ive got continuous beeps missed calls and i dont want to be stuck ont he phone all day its to my liking then when i answer or phone someone

mobiles are handy but can also be very disturbing and annoying

ohdearwhatamess · 01/12/2008 16:31

Mine is on silent because I find a ringing phone annoying and intrusive. I am not having an affair.

It drives dh made though that I do this.

Original poster
Boobalina · 02/12/2008 12:05

Ok, so general opinion is that I have been rather paranoid, I had no idea that a LOT of people have it on silent too! I thought it was just him!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 02/12/2008 12:09

Afriend of mine always has her phone on silent. No idea why really, despite asking her. I find it dd - however I know she is not cheating or anthing, on her DH.

Upwind · 02/12/2008 12:10

My phone is always on silent because my father has dementia and phones several times a day. I don't have the time or the energy to have the same conversation with him that number of times.

blueshoes · 02/12/2008 12:21

My phone is off almost all the time. I don't think I am having an affair.

MommyHasaHeadache · 02/12/2008 12:26

Mine is always on silent/vibrate too - can't bear the noise.

Zebraa · 02/12/2008 12:32

I always say trust your instinct and if you have any doubt you need to ask him and discuss it.

Tell him you find it strange he never has his phone on normal mode and that he turns it off before a shower and leaves it in his trousers whilst he is in bed.

Remember though, he may well hate the sound of it ringing and doesn't want to forget it so leaves it in his pocket but if you sense something suspicious, it's probably likely their is. Don't go round in circles though or it will blow out of all proportions because you'll start questioning his every move. My advice? Speak to him about your true doubt, i.e. is he seeing someone else...

Lotster · 02/12/2008 13:24

Silent mode isn't a guarantee he's up to something, of course.

But making sure it's always being in his pocket or off when he's way from it, meaning you are never able to even look at it in passing, is suspicious...

I say this from 2 friend's experiences which echoed this behaviour. One resulted in the discovery of an affair, and the other the discovery of just a total waste of money on "sexy texts" (probably sent my complete mingers anyway).

Be sure you want to know. Know what you will say and do. And be prepared to apologise profusely if you're wrong.

I hope it's nothing hon.

EachPeachPearMum · 02/12/2008 13:29

Mine is always on silent- I hate the intrusion of calls tbh!
Nothing to hide, and it's always in my bag or pocket too.

padboz · 02/12/2008 13:32

surely if he were having an affair and he wanted to pacify you to put you off the scent he'd just get another phone?

you say he takes ages to answer you because its on silent - if there were another woman she'd have the same problem.

lovelydear · 02/12/2008 13:32

mine's always in my pocket. i rely on it so much. i even take it in the bathroom when i have a shower, just so i can not lose it (which i do, frequently, in the mornings when i'm not wearing pocketed clothes). i agree that you could casually say 'who was that' when it rings and see if he flinches....

pamelat · 02/12/2008 13:39

Mine is always on silent because I find the ringing intrusive and it makes me "jump".

At least on silent I can see any missed calls or texts and I check it hourly or so.

Maybe with a pressurised job he is feeling under stress and wants quiet time?

pamelat · 02/12/2008 13:41

But my DH does find it frustrating as he can rarely get hold of me.

I just dont like it.

meglet · 02/12/2008 13:44

My DP always has his on silent and in his pocket. It drives me up the wall.