to feel uncomfortable being served by woman with tourettes that kept swearing at me?

[racmac]

I went to a well known high street store and was served by a lady who had tourettes. I have no problem with this or any of her ticks BUT she kept saying cunt and wanker - i dont use these words in front of my children so dont expect others to AIBU in expecting that she shouldnt be serving customers?

It was rather disconcerting to be told "thats £20.00 please, cunt, wanker"

Racmac

My 3 year old understands. He has been telling people about his severely autistic brother(ds1) (who also tics a lot) since he could speak. His brother (ds2) (now 6) understood as well from a tiny age.

As I have said repeatedly neither ds2 or ds3 has ever tried to sniff arses/break windows/climb on bannisters/ spit out food/ wee on the floor/ headbang the wall/ or anything else antisocial that ds1 does on a daily basis. I've never had to explain to them that they're not allowed to sniff arses/break windows/spit out food etc. They're NT, they know what is allowed and what isn't.

racmac I know a 3 year old that will tell you off for swearing in front of him, Maybe teach your children that they are bad words and not for children to use.

Most 3 year olds can be taught right from wrong.

But claw3 - there is nothing wrong with being in a wheelchair - society doesnt view swearing as nothing wrong else all those parents and teachers would not tell children not to swear or use bad words.

Having heard that M&S is so good with its inclusive employment practices I shall be shopping there more often. I might even take ds1. So watch out shoppers you might get sniffed as well as sworn at. Oh and he spits at the moment as well.

Gosh the world was an easier place when only suitable people were allowed out wasn't it?

racmac now you're just sounding daft.

Or are you just ignoring my posts where I'm telling you that my children who live with antisocial behaviour every day have not once tried to copy their brother. Or thought it OK.

He has been spitting for several months now. I haven't had to tell my 3 and 6 year old not to do it. They know. They want to be socially acceptable and are hardwired that way.

Racmac - There is nothing wrong with swearing if you have tourettes, its all part and parcel of your disability.

You should be teaching your child, that swearing is not acceptable. Not that having a disability is not acceptable.

swearing/bad behaviour as someone already pointed out - its about teaching your child that they are responsible for what comes out of their mouth and their behaviour, no matter how other children/adults act.

And what actually happens if you don't expose children to disability and difference is that they can grow up scared of it. And turn into adults who suck lemons every time a disabled person comes near them (met plenty of those).

racmac now you're just sounding daft.

Or are you just ignoring my posts where I'm telling you that my children who live with antisocial behaviour every day have not once tried to copy their brother. Or thought it OK.

He has been spitting for several months now. I haven't had to tell my 3 and 6 year old not to do it. They know. They want to be socially acceptable and are hardwired that way.

But thats YOUR children not copying - we are not all the same - my children reguarly copy people that they have met - whether thats behaviour that i want them to copy of not

Racmac - There is nothing wrong with swearing if you have tourettes, its all part and parcel of your disability.

but my child doesnt have this disability so it is not acceptable that they walk around saying those words.

You should be teaching your child, that swearing is not acceptable. Not that having a disability is not acceptable.

I have never taught my child that disability is not acceptable - and i never would

swearing/bad behaviour as someone already pointed out - its about teaching your child that they are responsible for what comes out of their mouth and their behaviour, no matter how other children/adults act

yes i agree with this all i am saying is that it is difficult to explain to a 3 year old - they dont have the same level of comprehension as an older child.

Racmac - Its not about protecting your child from the 'undesirables' its about teaching your child which behaviour is acceptable. Its not acceptable to swear, whether you hear someone else do it or not.

Oh so experience doesn't count.

I don't know a single sibling who barks like a dog/wees in the garden/poo smears/shouts out swear words in public or copies whatever hideous behaviour their disabled sinbling is getting up to.

I suppose you'd better get teaching your children then (although I would be staggered if one exposure in a shop from someone ticing needed any sort of explanation to a 3 year old). The DDA means you're going to see more of it.

really interesting thread, most enlightening. i think i'd have unthinkingly been of the 'wouldn't everyone be more comfortable with a non-customer-facing role for this lady?' prior to reading it.

"It's all well coming at me with, but what happens if this was on a bus or in the street? That is a situation that nobody has any control over. In a store
enviroment, someone has control over who serves on a till. I would think it more appropriate to say, let this woman serve people, but perhaps let someone
else serve if there are young children in." so what else would you like to protect your young children from then? If someone has a disability that makes them spit for instance do you think that young children should be shielded from this as well to prevent them learning the "socially unacceptable" behaviors?

3 year olds will hear swearing. In the park, on the street, on the buss, and in two years time when they start school they'll hear it in the playground. Anyone who thinks this doesn't happen is on another planet.

The only way that children will learn that disability isn't something to be afraid of is if they're exposed to it, and the only way people with disabilities will ever feel that they are equals is if they're allowed to be, and not hidden from those who just don't get it and refuse to try.

Racmac - If your 3 year old doesnt have the same comprehension as an older child. You explain in terms they can understand or offer no explaination other than 'dont swear'.

Deal with it in exactly the same way, as if your child swore and hadnt meet someone with tourettes.

I agree the DDA means that i will see more of that behaviour and i think its great - we are not all the same nd its good to learn understanding and compassion.

I have never said i dont have this BUT i have asked why wanting to protect my 3 year old from hearing swearing is wrapping them in cotton wool?

I have certainly never called a disabled person undesirable and i dont understand why you would use that phrase

Aitch - i agree - this kind of thread helps everyone to understand a bit more then it is all worth it

jimjams m&s have a very inclusive policy.

My FIL who is also VI retired from there on Friday after 25 years service. When he lost his sight m&s paid for all his access technology themselves rather than have to go through the burocracy of getting the government to do it. And as technology improved they bought more.

And now he's left he has taken most of it with him as it's not really of any use to anyone else - apart from his braille printer which I have liberated in order to use it in my upcoming role as chair of governors.

racmac, maybe if your child is forever copying things that others do it's your problem and not the lady with tourettes' problem?

The problem is not that she has been given a job in a public place but that you don't feel comfortable with dealing with this is your problem, not hers.

I really hope that no-one you and your child are close to ever has some form of disability that causes them to do something inappropriate for someone who is NT. God forbid you'd have to explain what is and isn't appropriate and why that person doesn't follow society's rules.

I use that phrase because you don't seem to want someone with TS near your 3 year old. Therefore they must be undesirable. I also said it from my perspective of going out with a child with learning difficulties and the response we get from the general public. Many people would prefer he didn't occupy the same room as them. Judging from their response (and he is well supervised so doesn't actually affect them- he just exists next to them for a few minutes).

Aitch - I would much rather be served by someone without tourettes if i had children with me given the choice tbh. Saves on all the questions etc. But i wouldnt say they shouldnt work with customers.

But if the situation did arise, i wouldnt pick up my children and run for hills. Just explain to them in the best way i could.

I would have no problem being served by someone with TS with or without ds2 or ds3 present. I doubt they'd even notice. Neither has noticed that one of their friend's (a much bigger boy) has TS. The advantages of early exposure.