To think that people seem to think that a birth is only traumatic if it ends in an emergency c-section??

[anyoneelsedonethis]

I have massive sympathy for women who end up with em c-s after attempting natural birth.

Am I wrong in thinking though that unless you end up with an emcs people just dismiss your birth as non-difficult/traumatic???

Some people end up with horrible ventouse/forceps/tearing experiences but no-one really seems to give much sympathy for these. That is wrong I think.

It isn't a competition. TBH I have had a CS and a forceps delivery and forceps felt like a medieval torture device. In some countries forceps are banned.

I know that pain! Oh the joys of children

Ooh FA - after rereading OP you could have a point there! I'm off to see if the Bar is open.

what does it matter I had two live births

My mum thinks the opposite! I had my natural labour at 21 weeks (baby died) and then an induced labour at term with my DS which ended with an emergency CS. I said recently I can't even contemplate having another baby, and the only saving grace is I could have a planned CS. My mum keeps going on and on and on saying it can't have been that bad etc and i'll be able to try a natural labour again next time...erm 3rd time lucky eh?

Then my cousin had a baby naturally, utterly awful labour, 3 pints of blood lost, so traumatised she didn't hold the baby for 5 days etc and my mum thinks it's the worst ever and even more so thinks I had an easier time of it!

I was bemused by this as my vaginal birth was fairly stressful (though certainly not traumatic) involving heavy blood loss and difficulties in healing, whereas my emergency caeasarian was a piece of cake. Yet I seemed to get so much totally undeserved and un-needed sympathy for the section; I wish the world had had some of that ready after my vaginal birth instead.

watsthestory on Wed 26-Nov-08 21:17:34
"But cola, it hurts like hell after a section, you know that day when they tell you to get out of bed a walk ooochio!! "

Hurt far more after my vaginal. Really no comparison.

Crackfox, forceps are banned? Really?!! Where?!! I'm sort of relieved to hear that, they scared the crap out of me!!

Yes Porto, I mean it isn't like they have offered their own experience as an example..gawd I hate these things. I had enough essay writing at school. Do your own.

I think you are right OP

I had an emergency CS with my first and got massive sympathy. Yet there was ultimately no major trauma to my body - lucky me.

My sister had a very traumatic birth experience - forceps, massive blood loss etc. But was expected to basically get on with it.

When I was in hospital having DS2 (elective CS) the other Mums sort of deferred to me. They would wince and say, ouch, Oh, sorry it's not like you've had to put up with.

I'd reply: on the contrary, I haven't got to sit on my stitches.

Hopefully's post was exactly was what expected of me and I had a C section...the ladies who had a section certainly didn't get any special treatment (not in our hospital anyway).

If im honest ive never considered the fact that my sections were more traumatic than a "normal" birth...so not everyone thinks like that.

Having both of my kids was tough for very different reasons...as im sure it is for many mothers.

"what was"!

I had a straight forward birth ,even an intact perineum that never even stung when I had a wee!.

But I had the syntocinon drip and the epidural took ages to get in [my fault as I was bonkers and couldn't sit for it] and whilst waiting for it I thought I was being murdered and couldn't understand why everyone was sat around watching me die.
Can't attach any anger or blame to any care giver or the process but bloody hell that was one huge huge experience.

I wonder if we sometimes misinterpret traumatic for absolutlely huge, full of stuff to be unraveled and thought about and understood - so not traumatic in the sense of seeing someone be run over and killed or something- but overwhelming for the senses and intelligence.

Might explain why any birth experience can be traumatic for one, and for another - not.
Just a thought. What do ya think?

And don't jump on me - I don't mean to say anyone here didn't have a traumatic time of it. I mean this as a general observation of the word and how we label life events.Just a thought.

Treedelivery, I had excactly this conversation the other week when debriefing DD's forceps birth with worn-off epidural.

We both remember it as really hideous, and I just said to him, 'but maybe that's just what birth is like?' I don't know, as I've only done it once, but just becase ours involved isntruments I'm not convinced I wouldn't have been overwhelmed by the actual act of giving birth, however it wsa done.

My first was text book - water birth, one on one midwife care with lovely midwife, tiny tear that didn't need stitches. It did take 39 hours though. I found it really traumatic and felt shell shocked afterwards. Got minimal sympathy and help.

Have since had two elective sections - (complete piece of piss imo) - tons of sympathy and help for both.

I am still not sure who these "people" are but maybe they give more sympathy to people who have had c/s because they assume that something went wrong and therefore you had to have a c/s. i.e they don't give sympathy because of the c/s but because of the assumed circumstances leading up to the c/s?

I have sympathy for anyone who gives birth and that sympathy is extended for the next 18 years!

In conversations with friends about the different births we had, I always come away feeling that no matter what the 'c-sectioners' hear of our 'natural births', they still seem to think c/s is the more traumatic.
Personally, I think it depends on the individual. One girls pain and horror is anothers grin and bear it.

Never come across lack of sympathy. How odd.

My nan thinks that because I had an em cs, I didn't really give birth. Never mind that I was in labour for 48 hours before hand!

And I have to say, it wasn't traumatic at all. Thankfully it was all straight forward, and I have the utmost empathy for anyone who has given birth, whether difficult or not, natural or not because when it starts, you never know how it's going to end!

YAB completely U - have you never heard the expression 'too posh to push'? Or met anyone who assumes that if you don't actually end up squeezing the baby out yourself then you've had it easy?

I had an e c-s after two days failed induction. It was quite traumatic actually but no more traumatic than the experiences of my friends who've had bad tears, forceps etc who I have limitless sympathy for.