to get annoyed with DP when he goes out and stays out late on a Mon/Tues?

[beaniebaby25]

This has been going on for a couple of months now and it's starting to really p!ss me off, and it's lead to an argument tonight.

We've been together for 4 yrs, one or two ups and downs but generally a really good relationship. For about the last 2 months his friend (who he does some work with outide of normal work - both 'creative' types) is always around on a Monday or Tuesday night in his studio and my DP goes to see him. He tends to leave after dinner (around 9pm) but this has been getting later and later (he left tonight at 10pm) and he doesn't come home until around 2am. Apart fron not understanding why anyone would want to go out when it's freezing, late and dark, the main reason I get annoyed - he always wakes me up when he gets in, and i also find it hard to sleep when he's out (which sounds lame). So - AIBU to be annoyed at him for going out late on a mon/tues? we both work full time, no DCs (yet) and generally happy. Is his behaviour selfish? Or am i the unselfish one for being annoyed that i get woken up? could do with some impartial advice, wise MNers... on a friday or thursday i dont think i'd mind so much...

You are being a bit unreasonable if you haven't got any children yet.

Hmm, sorry, he's a grown-up, he can go out if he wants to. Mind you, I'd ask him to sort something out so that he doesn't wake you when he comes in, that's not on. For the rest, let it go.

So long as if you want to go out he is cool with that, then I'm afraid I think you are being U - sorry!

Sorry - YABU. Why on earth shouldn't he go out/stay out late?

YANBU to be cross with him if he wakes you up, though.

haha, oh! ok, thanks. always good to get a 3rd perspective.

seeker - he gets cross if i go out late, he worries about me so doesn't like me coming home late unless he can meet me. so i dont have the freedom that he has (altho he sometimes get a nag from me )

ok maybe i need to be a bit more leniant! xx

yeah its the waking up thing that annoys me the most. i have to get up earlier than him, he works close to home and he's there in ten minutes. he's always in bed when i leave in the morning. maybe that makes me resent it a bit more.

If you had kids, I'd definitely say yanbu.
Before we had dd though, dh and I went out separately at least once a week. It wasn't usually until 2am though, I think that's a bit much every week if he keeps waking you up!

I would be very worried about him controlling your social life though. Yes, he might be worried, but that shouldn't impact on you/what you want to do/where you go/how late you get back.

On the face of it, I do think YABU. He is a grown up and should be allowed out after dark. Why did you say that if it was thursday or friday , you wouldnt mind so much - is the day significant or am I over complicating?

TBE - exactly - i worry about him too. we live in a slightly dodgy part of east london and i can never truly sleep until i know he's safe. he has a v valuable bike which i can just imagine him getting mugged for... and he's one of those 'I'd never hand anything over' types. scares the life out of me.

Whoops, sorry , I see the thread has moved on and my post now looks outdated. (I am v slow on keyboard)

unavailable - i think because we always have exhausting weekends and if i get a disturbed nights sleep on a monday or tuesday it throws the rest of the week. ifkwim. and while we dont have any DCs i'd like to make the most of it!! if he goes out on a thurs then i know i only have to endure friday at work then i get a lay in.

Oh well, if he gets cross if you go out late, then I really don't see why he should!

Is he cross even if you et a taxi home?

OK - at very least he should sleep somewhere where he doesnt disturb you when he gets in.

but i think the underlying thing that annoys is his attitude of 'i can do what i want' - to some extent yes but his behaviour affects me because we live together. maybe i just need to get over it? i really dont mind him going out, gives me time to watch crap tv, read in a quiet flat, etc etc.

no he doesn't mind if i get a taxi home. but we have big debts at the moment and thats not really possible, which is why i havent been out much lately. we have an allowance each month for going out etc but i mainly use mine for makeup or lunches at work! he cycles home, even if he's had a drink, with no helmet, and won't listen to me asking him to get a helmet.

I am going to go against the crowd and say I would be bothered by this too. Not just by the waking up either. So I guess I am unreasonable too!

thanks lucy

Yep and me-I worry about my DH when I know he is going to be drunk and out late. I know it is preferable to be laid back about these things but also logically it makes sense to be a bit concerned. How you get around all this I dont know.

beenie - if you want to go out, then do - to say that he wont allow you out would seriously piss me off - nice that he worries but ..............

does seema little weird that he stays out till 2am, esp on a works night?

is he def seeing that friend and not somewhere else (sorry to ask that)

can him and his friend come to yours once a week?

yes he can go out, but he shouldnt wake you up - that would also piss me off