to have said what I did to a perfect stranger in the library?

[Dragonbrandybutter]

This morning I went to the medical library at the hospital to request some journal articles and get some advice from the library staff. The library is open 24hours a day but only staffed during normal working hours. I'm about to start a new job and need to study.

I decided to go this morning with my 18m DS2 while DS1 was at nursery.

DS2 was babbling away while i was looking for the books i wanted, he yelped a bit while i was filling some forms but was quickly entertained with a pen and paper. He wasn't throwing tantrums or being especially loud. The staff said it was fine to have him with me and gave him a teddy to play with and said people do sometimes bring their kids in.

Out of nowhere a bloke walks up to me in one the aisles dressed i think in a nurses shirt and says, 'Do you think it's appropriate to bring children to the library?'

Here's how the conversation went...

nurse: do you think it's appropriate to bring children to the library?

DB: sorry?

nurse: i said do you really think it's appropriate to bring children to the library?

DB: yes, i do, i am just as entitled to access this library as you. i won't be reading here i've just come in to collect what i need then i will study at home.

nurse: well i don't think you should

DB: do you think it's easy to study when you have kids? why don't you go away and mind your own business?

nurse: it's supposed to be quiet, the quiet area is just over there

DB: well go to the quiet area!

nurse: ok, but if i can hear your kid from there...

DB: then you come right back and tell me about it and see if do anything about!

nurse: walks off muttering "no respect"

DB: no, i don't (pmsl, what possessed me to say this bit i don't know, perhaps some pathological need to have the last word)

So, was i assertive or rude or should i just not have been in there at all?

Why does it have to be so difficult to get my career back on track after having kids? Don't people understand that?

I think this fellow was just rude!

It might be different if you DS was having a tantrum or something but he wasn't.

Be proud of yourself for telling him to sod off!

Your reaction was great. If your DS was running around pulling books off the shelves then he might have a point but since he was reasonably quiet then what is the problem?

You were quite polite imo, i wouldnt have be so polite

He sounds like an utter twatbag

YANBU. Assertive.

I'd have been childishly tempted to put my finger on my lips and say "SHHHHH" very loudly to the stupid bloke

YANBU
well, perhaps slightly, and I do see her point of view....however, she clearly has NO idea the stress it is to study when you have kids (I used to take mine to library too when I was studying with OU). What else were you supposed to do?

Kids make noise. It IS allowed. If the library were fine with it, she needs to get over herself. Or buy some ear plugs.

And perhaps your comments were a tad rude, but we can't be blardy polite the whole time.

You were fab I would of said same tbh.

Hope you dont get a job with him down the line.

YANBU at all! I'd be proud of how you handled it.

she? oops..... he

I am that I presumed the nurse was female!

Need to read better before I post

I don't think you were rude. It realy annoys me how unchild friendly this country is. It would have been fair enough if you had been there hours but you were oly picking up books. You should have just told him the staff were aware your child was there and if they were happy with the situation that was OK with you.

Also MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS on studying (sp!) and looking after DC, I imagie it is not easy, you should be very proud of yourself and best of luck for the future.

Very calm, well done. If the staff said it's okay, then it's okay, He's not the boss of the library, and he's definitely not the boss of you.

you were not rude he was fair play next time take both your dc's

People seem to be so intollerant of children just being children. I like to remind them that they were also children once and I'm pretty certain they weren't quiet all the time.

There is also the 'my child might grow up to be the Dr or nurse that cares for you in your old age' argument.

Think you were perfectly reasonable

You did great! I wish I had had your gumption when exactly the same happened to me ( except dd was having a tantrum as we were checking the books out because I was keeping hold of her hand and not letting her run thru the automatic doors. She is autistic, and really couldn't help it. I was too shocked by the old codger's rudeness to say anything- I just cried in the carpark

Yanbu- good on yer!

I think he was rude, but on this occasion he picked on someone ruder.
I had a huge adrenaline rush after we spoke and felt a bit tearful although was perfectly calm and clear with him.
Is this how it's going to be while i pursue my career now i'm a parent? I don't start my job til next monday and already people are trying to get in my way.

i am pleased i stood up for myself. but had to try really hard not to swear, maybe something to do with being out of the workplace for so long.

does it make a difference that he was male do you think? i don't know if i would have said the same thing or not.

I certainly hope he isn't studying to be a baby nurse!

You were perfectly fine. He was the rude one. I do agree that children don't belong everywhere, but if he was not having a tantrum and you weren't staying, you were fine.

LOL, well said. YANBU. He was just a bad tempered old grump.

I'd be annoyed if I was trying to study quietly. Imagine how you'd feel if you'd arranged for someone to look after your DS2 for a couple of hours, so you could work in peace, and you were disturbed by someone else's child.

There are very few places- in fact I can't think of anywhere except a library with no children's section- that one can reasonably expect complete quiet. People complain about children a lot, but in this case, I think the man had a point. He was rude about it though.

you were right dbb

congrats on new job btw

are you nervous/excited?

he wasn't old. probably early 20s.

i told the staff that i'd just had grief from a guy at the back who didn't think i should bring kids to the library.
they said don't worry about it.

Katedan, at the moment i'm just studying to prepare for my new job and also another interview, so i'm not strictly a student parent at the moment although it feels like it.

YANBU at all he sounds like a TWNUT ......but you do know that sods law will have you in A&E later with some embarrasing minor injury and he will be the nurse treating you .

Disclaimer I do not wish DBB any harm .

think he had a point but went the wrong way about it. but then again what is the correct way to tell someone to keep their kid quiet in a library without people accusing you of not being child friendly.also you probably could have responded better.
personally i love kids and coaching football on saturday morning is one of my favourite things. but if i'm in the library and trying to study i don't think it's unreasonable to expect complete silence.and if you can't guarentee that from your child then no, you should not bring them in.

"DS2 was babbling away "
"he yelped a bit "
"He wasn't throwing tantrums or being especially loud"

all suggest that he wasn't being the paragon of silence that some seem to be assuming he was and that he was being loud enough to be a distraction to anyone trying to study.

Well done - your response sounds rather grown up and dignified.