To want to just kick her in the head for this?

[Naive]

MIL doesn't like me for no apparent reason.

Anyway, she smokes like a chimney and has asked my DP if she can have DS over night. He said she can't smoke in the bedroom and asked me and I said no because a)she co-sleeps which I am not having. B) she smokes so much that the house stinks, it's in every fibre. It's not ok for my son to be around that. So she gets SIL to ask me and I said not until she stops smoking. She has him in day time but I don't want him there getting all cot-deathed by her smoke at night.

Anyway, she's wearing a white dress to our small wedding of 16 people. Great.

DP and I said we wouldn't spoil the surprise so he wasn't to know anything. No colours, nothing. We made this into a big thing and told everyone not to tell him as it was a huge surprise. I told MIL this. When SIL came to get fitted for her bridesmaid dress I asked her not to tell ANYONE the colour and she said she wouldnt.

We went for the final fittings today. DP went to visit MIL and came home saying 'oh I absolutely love the colour --- for a bridesmaid dress'. Which happens to be the correct colour. He even said the shade!! This colour runs through the whole wedding. SIL wouldn't have been able to help herself telling MIL but why did MIL have to tell DP just to spite me? Why does she have to try and ruin every aspect of the wedding?

She told us to have it abroad, so we booked it abroad and then she said she wasn't going. DP was upset to eventually she said she was going but goes on about how she's doing us such a big favour by going. MY parents also wanted us to do it abroad and they're even paying for us and the actual wedding package which is over £2000. They're the one's we are really grateful to.

Why is she trying to ruin my wedding? I'm not a Bridezilla, but I'd like her to respect my wishes and have some respect for me, DP and DS. Is that so wrong?

I believe the risk is still there if she has him in the day. I dont think tbh you can let her have him in the day but say no to night -either she looks after him but she doesnt.

I'm not sure also that by telling him the colour of a bridesmaids dress is the same is ruining every aspect of the wedding? SOunds like there is more to this.

I'm a bit at 'kick her in the head' as a thread title, however as I've announced before I'd like to stab ex'h in the head with a fork when he really upset me I can't really lecture

Eh?
Wedding issue is mad.

So is overnight thing. She can't at least smoke while asleep. She obv. does in the day when baby there.

Oh there is more, there's lists and lists of the stuff. Especially to do with DS and the wedding. But I don't see why she'd be so cruel as to deliberately go against what I said. She's the most narcisstic woman on earth.

She goes out to smoke but the house stinks. An hour in the day is not a full night co sleeping.

You sound like a bridezilla. Sorry.

Re the smoking, I wouldn't want a child in MIL's house at all if I were you. But if my dc's gps smoked I guess I'd have to compromise somehow.

Oh I seeeeee.
AIBU by stealth.

Come on, let's hear it.

Please expalin though why she can have baby in day but not at night.

How am I a Bridezilla asking for ONE thing? Don't tell DP colour or theme. How hard is that?

But the smoke would be on her breath and clothes in the daytime too. I wouldnt have her cosleep but nor would I have her look after him when smoking too.

Smoking issue first please.
Then frocks 'n frills.

Oh trust me if I had my way she wouldn't have him at all breathing smoke all over him and kissing him after a fag it drives me MAD. But there's no way she's having him for a full night. He'll come back with lung cancer the way she smokes.

The bridezilla comment was about your reaction when she let slip the colour. I could not get worked up about something like that, even if I had asked for it to be a secret.

How can it not be your choice? I would say no thanks.

I've already done the smoking issue on here before. I won't have my son around anything dangerous least of all someone else's dirt habit.

This is about my frocks and frills people!!

what colour?

It's not the dress or the colour or anything though really is it? It's the principle of every last thing in our lives has to be shat on and negotiated by her. DS's christening date had to be changed because she doesn't like christenings being on Saturdays, she likes them on Sundays. I couldn't bf as it wasn't fair that she couldn't feed the baby as soon as he was born.

come on tell us the colour???

yellow and black stripes.

SOrry but why on earth do you do what she says? Are you an adult?

Your OP made a big deal about the colour.

I'm slightly shocked by the bf thing. Why did you give into that if you wanted to bf?

niiice

Yeah but she's all family family family gets everyone to go on and on at me until I break.

Well I couldn't bf, I didn't get milk. But I really wanted to and she went on all pregnancy saying I was silly for it and her kids are fine from bottles blah blah. Then when I couldn't she said she was pleased.

Do you mind me asking how old you are because it seems like you are allowing her to make pretty major decisions in your life that only you are your dp should be making regardless of what every the rest of the world say.