to find the number of people who hate their MILs rather depressing (yes I have a DS, how did you guess)

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My little boy's only 15mo at the moment but the more time I spend on MN, the more depressed I get at the thought of any potential daughter-in-law hating me!

Obv most of the people on here who complain about their MILs have very good reason to do so - there are some horror stories out there, and I sympathise. But I also see a lot of "he's MY family now, she needs to get over it and keep her nose out" type comments, which always make me cringe a bit.

I can't help thinking that if a man said such a thing to his wife's mother, all hell would break loose and he would be accused of being toxic, controlling etc etc.

So - is it really different for mothers of boys? Can you really have a good relationship with a DIL without her secretly thinking you're a sad interfering old witch who just wants to get her claws on the grandkids?

well my pils are (were - fil sadly died last year) great, always kind and fantastic to me.

Well I love my mil, she's wonderful

I [heart] my MIL

Well, I don't mind my MIL, she has been very helpful to us, but she is very controlling and quite, quite mad.

OTOH my SIL gets on very well with my mum, and I think that's because my mum doesn't try and butt her nose into their lives at every opportunity, and if she did my brother would tell her to butt it out again! So raise your boy to be independent and confident, and you won't have to worry about it!

My MIL is the most wonderfully supportive person. I see her at least twice a week and she has dd one day a week. PIL is very caring, but I find him slightly stressful. That said, he always supports us and loves to spend time with us.

My MIL and FIL are lovely though FIL does drive me and DH up the wall with his constant wittering - he likes to tell us the same story at least 10 times and MIL can be quite scatterbrained - she nearly got herself and my DSS run over when she tried to walk out into the path of a car But compared to some of the PILs I read about here, they are paragons of virtue!

One more for the MIL fan club! I am so happy that dd takes after her rather than me in social skills and outlook on life and looks.

I think my SIl has a fine relationship with my mum. I think its a two way street if you are and and reasonable and not too interfereing then there's no reason why you shouldn;t have a good relationship with your DIL provided she is the saem. They ke I suspect is to have a good relationship with your son and not to go through your DIL.

I love my MIL, she is wonderful. Infact we are probably closer than I am with my Mum.
My SIL (DHs brother) also has a great relationship with her.

It pretty much depends on the people. My MIL is pretty easy-going, very kind and nothing is too much trouble for her. Some of my girlfriends have dire (or no) relationships with their MIL and in some circumstances I can see why. I guess I am just lucky.

Oh I'm going to be a GREAT MIL, full of advice

and don;t forget there are thousands of people on MN so the proportion who have nightmare relationships with their MIl is probably quite small.

Oh and they are both absolutely devoted to their grandchildren, which I think is really wonderful, so many grandparents seem to be completely disinterested

My MIL is an angel, I'm waaay closer to her than my own Mum (It helps that she always takes my side over DH's ).
FIL not so great on the other hand...

My MIL is lovely. People are often letting off steam on here, I agree it's not always a good idea but boy is it comforting (I do the same with other things).

Listeners never hear good of themselves. I wish there was a MILnet but then am glad there's not, as would be on there obsessively checking what my MIL was moaning about me for.

Oh I love my PIL too

They are great, very supportive of us as a family and will look after dd at the drop of a hat

I have also struggled to understand how so many people hate their in laws, but maybe I am lucky to have good ones.

Yes, KC has hit the nail on the head there. MIL has no relationship with dh, so phones me every day to check up on ds, which can be extremely stressful.

My mother, OTOH, has a good relationship with my brother, and so rather than harass my SIL she'll phone and talk to him. Obviously SIL is a part of our family, but unless I have something specific to ask her (like what to get my bro for Xmas/birthday etc - and even then I'll probably ask him first tbh) then I would always phone my brother and not my SIL.

I occasionally txt or email SIL photos of ds, because I know she checks her SMS/email inbox more regularly than my brother!

I have issues with my MIL BUT I can see she is not a bad person at all and is in fact rather nice and that she has raised two perfectly lovely kids (my DH being one of them!).

I think the main difficulty is in communication. I have issues with my mum (probably more so than my MIL tbh) but she's my mum and I can tell her what I think cos I know she will love me no matter what. With my MIL, it's a lot more difficult as she is not my mother and it's difficult to tell her what I think without hurting her feelings. But I can see my DH treats her the way I treat my mum - you are so used to their ways after 20-odd ways of living with them that you are kinda indifferent to their funny ways iykwim.

It is very tempting as well when you are experienced in some ways NOT to want to put your views across. My DS is only 9 months and I DO really make an effort not to 'tell' friends with younger babies how to do things. Mind you, things were a bit fraught in the beginning as she tried to tell me to do things her way with DS (i.e. use blankets, not grobags, make up his bottles overnight in the fridge) but we had a bit of a conversation and now things are way better. In fact, I am thinking of leaving DS overnight with them next month for the first time as we just spent a couple of days there where they really helped us when we were both sick. When we first got married though, it was very obvious that she wasn't ready to let DH go.

I think a lot of GPs make the mistake of thinking their GC are their children. My mum herself told me that she regretted not taking care of me when I was younger and wants to make it up by taking care of DS. I told her that that was her mistake with me but she can't make it up by taking over DS! Anyway, don't know what the answer is but have definitely made up my mind next time to be the nicest and most un-interfering MIL ever! Ha ha.

YANBU - I am lucky, my MIL is lovely and keeps out of our business most of the time - too much sometimes but that isn't so bad.

I also have 2 DSs so I do worry about my future DILs. I do think that sometimes, we are very quick to take offence from our MILs when we wouldn't with our own mothers. We understand our own mothers because we have spent years living with them. We don't have that shared history with MIL and yet we suddenly become part of their family. It is tricky.

I think Kewcumber is right though, as a percentage of MILs, I suspect the complete nutters are quite small.

My MIL and I get on really well.

We have very different ways of doing things but rub along OK because we are accepting.

She is not at all possessive about DH or critical of me and that is a big part of us getting on.

My mum OTOH is a terrible MIL, I pity DH having to put up with her. She is mean to him and tries to stir up trouble between us.

My MIL is great - I love her dearly.

But I think MILs are in a difficult position. If MY mum is interfering, annoying or unhelpful (not that she is!) I would have no qualms about asking her to stop it and then forgetting all about it. However, if my DH's mum accidentally causes me offence I feel I have to bite my tongue and can end up feeling irritated for an unnecessarily long time - and quite probably turning to MN to vent some spleen!

I think that men still pretty much control the world except in the family/home environment. Which is where the trouble begins.

2 controlling women in love with the same man, add to the mix a child and all hell breaks loose.

My MIL can be annoying, but I do let things drop for a quiet life. Life's too short to get worked up because she hands out a few chocolate buttons just before lunch!

Thanks guys, you are making me feel much better already

For the record I have a good relationship with my own MIL, but I know she 'had words' with my DH after our baby was born as she thought I was too possessive - but I have PND and couldn't do much of anything except cling to/BF my DS all day...

I am hoping that the fact I worry about all this means I will be a nice MIL and not a mad one!

EmmalinaC that's a good point - I know I have tried to explain to my DH in the past that she is his mum, but still a relative stranger to me, and so it'll always be different for him/my mum/my MIL.

My PIL are very very diplomatic and have never interferred with the way I bring up my children. They have looked after them on occasion (rare because they don't live nearby and they are quite old), and I think our relationship is fine. We have been on holiday with them...and that was a bit too much - I had to watch my ps and qs a little too much! I think a bit of space is a good thing.

As for DH and my Dad...well they get on fine, although he sends us round the twist at the same time.

I do moan about mine sometimes, and we don't always see eye to eye, but I am rather fond of her. Much closer to her than to my own mother.

My MIL always takes my side rather than dh's in any disagreement.