to have told my SAHM friend she shouldn't moan about her DH not helping round the house

[wonderwoman73]

In a nutshell, she doesn't work, he works a 50 - 60 hour week plus 2 hours commuting a day and she's just been bending my ear about how he doesn't help round the house. Given he works really hard so she doesn't have to I think she should accept that she has to do most or all of the chores (oh, and they have a cleaner too).

You are being throughly unreasonable.

Don't be so silly.

YABU

she doesn't work

Wasnt your place to say anything though. Unless she specificly asked for your opinion?

so does not earning money = not working then?

Totally unreasonable. It is their home. If she is a SAHM she works an average of 12 hours a day, seven days a week - that trumps his measly 60 hour weeks. .

I said to DH the other day that I feel guilty as I don't 'work'. Even he snorted and said, "Don't work. What the bloody hell do you call it then?"

If they have pre school kids YABU, if they have a baby YABVU!
If all kids at school then maybe YANBU

How many kids does she have?

I sort of know what you mean but she does work in the house and do all the children stuff so she is working too - just not bringing in any money.

I suppose it depends on what his attitude is to it all. He probably wont want to start hoovering and changing beds but does he help with dishwasher, family life at the weekend, making dinner when he is home?

Are you for real?

Errr, I hate to be the one likely to be stamped upon for bringing this up, but LilRedWG do we know what age the DCs are ? If they are pre school age, then yes absolutely right at ya sister, but if they are at school from 9 - 3.30 then hard to argue that she is "working" 12 hours a day.

I would LOVE 2 hours a day on a train with no one demanding my attention and to be able to read a book [wishful emoticon]

Depends on what she wants him to do.
If he doesn't help with the DCs, they he's an arse. If he doesn't change sheets and and hoover the stairs then she is being unreasonable. I work 40 hrs a week and TBH I'm fairly shattered when I get home. 50-60 hours plus commuting would be fairly exhausting.

I think she should work the saem hours that her DH is out of the house (whether thats childcare or housework or cooking etc) anything left to be done outside those hours shold be split evenly between them.

Not sure I would commetn on anyone elses arrangements though.

Yeah Rookie you are totally right. Didn't think of that . If the kids are at school I totally see what you mean.

I think I just presume that all children are the same age as my DD (2.6) as she is the epitome of how every child should be (snort) and all others should be doppelgangers of her.

"she doesn't work"...

hmmmmm

ouch. I would be annoyed hurt if it was me. I was a sahm with 3 under 4 and I badly needed all the help I could get if I was ever to sit down. And yes, I had a cleaner, but she only came once per week and tackled the worst of it, and that's a whole other 6 days of chaos to go through.

My dp works fulltime with a 30 min commute, he still washes the bottles, loads dishwasher, does laundry & hoovers for me. Plus more at the weekends, including getting up with all 3 DC in the morning . Im a sahm with 2 in full time education. dread to think what you would say about me!

No you aren't being unreasonble to think it, but best get your hard hat because you are going to get it with bells on.

But then I don't think looking after your own children is work. It's a physical and mental effort, and hard, but it isn't paid employment which is what the DH in your scenario is doing to fund his family.

The only way a SAHM is doing 12 hours a day grind is if she is doing all the housework (and op's friend has a cleaner so she isn't).

2.4 kids if only commuting were that easy! I spend two hours a day standing on a crushed tube!

hohoho I love mumsnet.
I hope he picks up his undies - mine doesn't, so I use tongs to make a point that they are his soiled garments.

My DH is full-time, I am part-time. I do most of the routine housework and don't mind at all. But he does pull his weight at weekends, etc - changes beds, puts washing on, sorts out cleaning guinea pigs and litter trays, etc. And takes full share of DS's care.

But if I was a SAHM with DS the age he is (5) I wouldn't expect DH to do very much at all round the house. How lazy would I have to be to not be able to get everything done between 9 am and 3 pm over five days???

of course you are not being unreasonable, presumably if he works outside the home to bring in the wage then its her job to keep up the running of the house. or does she want it both ways??

Also, as someone pointed out, she has a cleaner therefore she isnt doing all the housework anyway...

Seriously?????????????

Hmm,yes, she does sound like a lazy slattern.
A lot of women are.
Was confirmed to me yet again today by an exploratory trip to Iceland. Christ people are slothful aren't they? Thee people do nothing more than flex a wrist to change tv channels or open the microwave door.

Iceland the country? Or Iceland Kerry Katona?