to have told my SAHM friend she shouldn't moan about her DH not helping round the house

[wonderwoman73]

In a nutshell, she doesn't work, he works a 50 - 60 hour week plus 2 hours commuting a day and she's just been bending my ear about how he doesn't help round the house. Given he works really hard so she doesn't have to I think she should accept that she has to do most or all of the chores (oh, and they have a cleaner too).

Actually, I think that she SHOULD do more chores than him (although not all) since she has more time at home than him and he has a commute.

Seat on a train In rush hour?????

Quiet relax with a good book??

Can tell some people havent been traveling during rush hour for a while.

But it depends, I do know what you mean but there are a couple of things to consider

Does she actually want him to clean or to just not take the p*. For example, not leave dirty clothes on the floor etc.

I am on maternity leave but I still expect DH to tidy up after himself (and make tea actually). I consider my job the care of my DD rather than full on house work (no cleaner though!!)

Also, does he support her financially? My SAHM has chosen to leave work but is loaded and does not need any financial support from her (stupid) boyfriend, in their instance I consider the house work 50/50. They pay half towards all bills/rent etc. she pays for DS nursery fees herself!

Sorry that should read my SAHM friend

2 afternoons per week is not much respite from a 13 month old...

Bloody unreasonable.

"She doesn't work" ... do you actually have children?

I do think that the working partner (if one is at home could be either) must take some chores esp. evenig - weekend ones as the sahp will never get a break either due to tha nature of it- dishes / kids / etc don't fit into a mon-fri pattern and we do all need own time (possibly in the day or whenever our partner works) as well as quality time together as a couple.

I think maybe your friend has quite an easy time though- can't blame her for hoping LOL

Yes Edam, I have sacrificed pretty much everything in terms of career and all you mention. But the choice seems to be both of you working 60 hours+ a week and life being very stressful or one of you taking it easy and doing the mind-numbing lunchbox thing and having some semblance of family life. It ain't perfect but I tried the alternative and never ever again.

And actually I think I'd do ok in a divorce, my earnings have fallen off a cliff since my 3rd child and it seems to me that recent judgements are quite keen on compensating women for lost earnings.

Right so Hes leaving at 6 and home by 8 and she wants him to help with the housework when she already has a cleaner and 2 afternoons to herself a week?

Unless he is expecting her to flush the loo after him and look after kids while he plays golf all weekend and stuff like that then yes she is being VERY unreasonable.

I have one afternoon a month "off" from 10 month old DD and I thought I was lucky.

I think most people have pretty much said what i was going to say. There is a difference in expecting your dp to do "chores" around the house if he works long, full time hours and just asking the basic put dirty clothes in baskets, empty full dustbin etc.

My dp works long hours Mon-Fri and i do all the housework. Then at weekends he helps me with dd.

I hate it when people think mums who stay at home don't do nothing but drink tea all day.

Brightongirldownunder heheh at tongs!!!!

(perhaps you could add a clothes peg on your nose too like me!)

Well exactly MsSparkle, it's common courtesy to load the dishwasher etc when someone has cooked you a meal whatever you've each been doing all day. Very different though to expecting someone to devote the only free hour they have at home in the evening to hoovering.

was most confused by the idea of an "exploratory trip to Iceland"...then I remembered about the shop. but I think md you are harsh. you will find the same perplexing evidence of "can't be bothered to chop a carrot" in both Waitrose and M&S. but that's not just ordinary (cheap frozen) carrot, that's hand-woven orgasmic organic carrot picked by Peter rabbit himself.

I think I'm the wrong person to comment on this as a single working parent I can't imagine moaning about anyone who contributes financially to the household as long as they wash their own coffee mug up!

YABU because it is not really for anybody else to comment on unless asked. I would'nt like a 'friend' to make this sort of comment to me.

Hat, yes i know that.
Posher people are evn lazier.
I can't believe it when I look into baskets at M&S, I really can't.

I don't think any of this discussion about how old the children are or what the DH does or doesn't do is relevant.

Are you BU for telling your friend she shouldn't moan? Yes, you are IMO. Your friend probably just wanted to have a moan about something, not have a lecture about how lucky she is. She might really mean that she's upset her DH doesn't appreciate what she does all day, and needed to chat about it.

Let her get it off her chest, that's what friends do.

YANBU

I do everything and work part time, I do the housework, cooking, car maintenance, gardening, mowing lawns, diy jobs.

There is just me and dd - so no other bu**ers gona do it are they?

Tell her to employ someone to do more cleaning and extra stuff around the house at least Gorden will be pleased

She has one child, a cleaner, and a mother who babysits two afternoons a week?

Sounds like she's got it sussed.

Exactly, LeQueen.

I agree with Moondog and LeQueen. I'm a sahm with one in school and one 11 month old - i also have a cleaner and do loads of cooking etc but still find time to meet friends for coffee, go on internet etc.

My DH works crazy hours in a very stressful job. At weekends if he's not working i'd rather he spends time with the children to be honest.

Of course he does bring me a cup of tea every morning in bed and puts the bins out and disposes of dead mice so i can't complain

But surely its just finding a balance that works for each couple.

In that case wonderwoman73, I'm sorry I got on my high horse. I think it was the 'doesn't work', me presuming that she hadn't asked your opinion and me being hormonal atm.

She is being unreasonable.

IMO, all she should reasonably expect of her DH is to be a parent as much as she is when he is home (nappies etc) and to clear up after himslef - eg, clothes in laundry hamper, load the dishwasher, cook the occassional meal and let his wife have a lie-in of the weekend - which is pretty much what the mix is between DH and I.

Sorry for being shirty without all the facts earlier.