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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think That Some MNs Take Things To Far!

138 replies

juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 04:10

I am new to mumsnet (to finally getting the courage to post something)and I realise I might be in for a bit of a bashing but here goes:
I have been visiting the site for quite some time now, just reading about different problems and the advice that is given.
So far no problem.

That is until someone actually writes something that some of you disagree with, or you seem to just take the view that it is someone pissing about.
Now the problem with that it seems to me, is that a few of you seem quite thrilled to respond to these posts (I think thats what they are called) with lightening speed and seem to relish the fact that you can insult and abuse this post as long as it keeps you amused!

I even suspect that some MNs have one rule for some and another rule for others. How can anyone justify this? It seems very hypocritical of what the site is all about.
In fact, as I have read many different posts and learnt some of the more colourful nicknames I can see a sort of bullying going on! I am pretty sure some of you know this is true!

So, there it is, my first post, and I am actually nervous about the sort of responses I will get back.Lol.

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 17/11/2008 05:45

That's a very brave first post!

Buda · 17/11/2008 06:06

Hi and welcome.

Now - do you have a hard hart - because you may need it!!!

Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 06:07

Oh oh. Do you think I might have gone too far.

Its just something that I have noticed while watching and learning about the site.
It all seems a bit cliquey to be honest.

OP posts:
welliemum · 17/11/2008 06:37

well, that's us told.

Phew, thank goodness you've arrived to straighten us out, juicyjolly.

I can see you're going to be a real asset.

Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 06:44

Eerrrrr, thanks. I think.

Not quite sure why you would think you needed straightening out though.

OP posts:
Dominion · 17/11/2008 06:48

Juicyjolly you are quite right.

Some well known posters admits "trolls are fun". It seems to give them an adrenaline hight. A perfect excuse to offload pent up frustration. Others shout "dont feed the troll", while the rest keep at it.

But what is the purpose of your op?

hf128219 · 17/11/2008 06:57

I must say you are up very early jolly!

welliemum · 17/11/2008 07:01

I was being sarcastic before, now I'm being serious.

I find your post ironic because of the way you've arrived on MN and immediately become part of the problem.

You are criticising MN-ers for being nasty when they suspect trolls; for being inconsistent; and for bullying.

So if you think this is awful behaviour, how do you think you will solve it by starting a new thread especially in order to be provocative?

Are you hoping that people will be nasty and call you a troll in order to prove your point?

When people agree with some other poster who has been around longer and posts a critical, but more informed view of MN, you'll tell us that this is all down to MN being a huge clique...

And then what will happen when a lot of MN-ers appear and tell you you're being a knob? You'll presumably announce that you're being bullied...

My advice to you is, stop adding to the problem and become part of the solution. If you think there is a better way to behave on MN - show us how to behave. If you think there are better ways of resolving disagreements - show us how to resolve disagreements.

MN is only as good as the people who post. If you want it to be better, you'll need to make it better rather than moaning about it.

Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 07:02

I really dont want to ruffle any feathers, it is just something that really bothered me, mainly because it seems like a different form of bullying (not sure if that is to strong a word).
I have noticed certain names over and over who really like to 'stick the knife in' and wondered how these names seem to get away with it and then carp on about shat MN is all about.

OP posts:
Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 07:11

wellie.. I certainly did not want to be critical, it is genuinely puzzling to me that a post can ask a serious question and be called some awful names if others dont agree with them.

Of course nobody has to agree to what is being said if they think the opposite, but to be abused for having a different point of view just makes me wonder why anyone would be so defensive of the question, or is it a sort of 'gang mentallity?

Just one more thing, I am definitely not moaning about it.

OP posts:
Dominion · 17/11/2008 07:12

They stick the knife in, as you say, because they are really angry about the trolling? Because they know how good this site can be? And want to preserve it that way?

But what do you want to do?

Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 07:15

I am not talking about trolling!!

I am talking about a post asking a question
or asking for advice and then being attacked by others for whatever reason.

You cannot honestly say you havent seen this happen!

OP posts:
Dominion · 17/11/2008 07:21

I havent seen this happening. And I am a big lurker. (Ie I rarely post)

forevercleaningdogploppers · 17/11/2008 07:26

name those who stick the knife in please.

You do need to be able to justify your post, so we await the naming of these alleged bullies then we can begin the debate properly.

mamadiva · 17/11/2008 07:32

Dominion isn't it boring just lurking?

I however stick my nose on every thread I see

Juicyjolly I know what you mean but for everyone who hates a ytroll it makes someone elses day, totally depends on the subject how much it pisses people off if it is emotive

IE FF/BF then all hell breaks lose and reports are flying to MNHQ quicker than you can say Trip trap but if its soemthing funny

IE AIBU to want my wedding day to be all pink (remember that ladies then we tend to humour them.

I do see what you mean though and kind of agree with you about the 'bullying' it does annoy me that someimes someone will ask a question yes it might not be the norm but genuine enough and everyne starts shouting troll because they don't agree, I had to namechange because one MNer hated me and it kind of carried through the lot but now Im fine.

You cant really ahve free speech on here you can try so good luck with that

Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 07:37

You honestly dont expect me to start naming names do you?

Dominion, are you honestly telling me that you have not seen someone who has put a post on mn and not been verbally abused by others who dont agree with them?

OP posts:
littleboyblue · 17/11/2008 07:45

You have to remember, this "problem" is not unique to this particular site, and yes sometimes things can go a bit too far but when you come onto a site like this and ask advice from people you don't know who don't have to pussy-foot around incase of offending a friend, then you are going to get some comments that may be quite harsh. I was at the recieving end of some harsh comments over the way tha I prepare formula bottles (don't do it to latest government standards) but if you ask for advice you have to accept that there are a number of different opinions and if you arent willing to take the rough with the mooth and let certain things go over your head, you shouldn't post on these sites and should stick to asking friends I'm afraid.

hecate · 17/11/2008 07:45

Well, you could post your own thoughts on such threads and challenge these things when they occur. It is good to challenge opinion, makes people think about their position.

Other than that, just post on what interests you, because mn has a lot of great stuff and it is surely far better to focus on that, than on the bits that are not nice?

Dominion · 17/11/2008 07:56

I have seen a lot of uneccesary rudeness, yes, but not sure that is what you were referring to?

Being Rude and being Abusive can be two different things.

Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 07:57

littleboy.. of course I can accept that there are different opinions and advice might not be quite what you wanted to hear, but my point is why would anyone want to start a slanging match because they have a different point of view.

hecate.. Yes, I agree with you. Challenging opinions is fine as is giving advice, just better get myself a hard hat as someone suggested earlier (just in case)

OP posts:
Original poster
juicyjolly · 17/11/2008 08:00

I mean being verbally abusive.

OP posts:
shitehawk · 17/11/2008 08:01

If you like the place then stick around.

If you don't, then the door is over there --->

It's like real life really; some posters know and tease each other, some posters post crap for the hell of it, some are recognisably odd. Each gets a different response - and when you've been around for long enough you start to recognise which is which. You wouldn't hang around with people you dislike in RL but here the only choice you have is to ignore or challenge the posts you dislike.

Obvious trolling gets a predictable response - although ignoring it would be a better one! Again, it's easier to recognise once you've been around for a while. Plus we have one or two resident arseholes idiots who crawl out of the woodwork every now and again and are easily recognised for who they are.

When someone needs advice there is no better place to get it.

Dominion · 17/11/2008 08:01

I agree that the best thing to do is to challenge such behaviour when you see it. In those cases, the op might need somebody to stick up for them. I have seen that happen a lot, to be honest. There are lots of mumsnetters who will stop people in their tracks by telling them off. If you want a better site, I suggest you do the same and as somebody said, be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

It is a no brainer really.

Starting such threads as this is a bit pointless, because chances are that few people have seen the same threads/posts as you have and will not know what you are talking about.

themildmanneredjanitor · 17/11/2008 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dominion · 17/11/2008 08:02

"but my point is why would anyone want to start a slanging match because they have a different point of view."

Because this is what some people do in real life also.