To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

Quattro - I don't think that's necessarily true. I have done my own little survey and I reckon the higher the IQ of the mother the more likely she is to be a SAHM (which might mean working a bit from home too). Xenia will be along in a moment to add weight to me theory.

How do you know if children in a nursery seldom get to leave the premises? Have you any particular nursery in mind? Have never used a nursery myself, but the ones I have heard of have not been of this type. My nephews are always out and about and there is no doubt that nursery has done a great deal for their social skills.

Personally I'm an uncaring old hag.

I do not feel sorry for children who go to a good nursery.

I do not feel sorry for children who have a good childminder.

I do not feel sorry for children who have a good nanny.

I do not feel sorry for children who have a good SAHM.

I do not feel sorry for children who have a good SAHD.

I will be prepared to feel concern if any of the above are substandard.

Findtheriver - you are missing out on cold cups of tea, wiping luminous snotty noses and having a conversations consiting of one syllable words.....!!

my theory.

I don't think that economic success correlates directly with IQ.

Which part of my post is not true Swedes?

Is it the part which said the OP couldn't afford to work? Ahe said so herself.

Or the part that says that women's earning power suffers disproportionately during the stay-at-home years? I'll dig out the survey on that - was interesting reading.

Or the part that economic power mostly resides in the hands of men? Erm I can prove that one too.

peachy - if you use an oftsed/registered nanny then yes you can use your tax credits to pay some of her salary ( i think) as well as vouchers

hambo on Sun 16-Nov-08 16:44:24
"Findtheriver - you are missing out on cold cups of tea, wiping luminous snotty noses and having a conversations consiting of one syllable words.....!!"

Really? Has Findtheriver told us that she never spends time with her children at all? That she has wrap-around 24/7 childcare?

Not whilst training though sadly , I have a years training (PGCE, just graduated) left.

Will look into though thanks- maybe even a pT job will get me out of the house (DH expecting redundancy in future (tis oK< he also has a PT business and will retrain); PT me will bring income to OK level iyswim, whilst allowing attendance at appointments etc)

Thanks Quat

Sorry- thanks Blondes

al this sahm making me brain shrink ()

Thas'm your theery m'deerio an' yor'm'titled to it.

I have always enjoyed conversations with my children, whether they consisted of one syllable words or more, and I have wiped plenty of snotty noses. Prefer my tea hot to cold though.

Thanks for replying hambo, but I'm still waiting for slightlysad, as she was the one who stated that WOHP miss out. Unless you're the same person....??

The smug bit was in the first sentence about what a fun time the OP's child had.

"It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

And what is "chilling out" that only mothers can provide??? Watching TV?

Ptolemy - we can all do our own little bits of research and come to our own conclusions!

ooop my mistake - didn't realise humour (however pathetic) was not allowed in this thread!!

goodness
Have just come upon this thread as I consider my next career move. Have just been made redundant. My kids have always been in fulltime care until recently when dh got so short of work that he's started looking after them.

I WISH dd2 could be in fulltime nursery like dd1 was. She got so much stimulation and made such lovely friends. DH (or myself) are loving parent but I know we have lots of failings compared to the lovely professionals at the local nursery (crafts and arts and games type failings IYSWIM).

How horrible to think that us workers are letting our kids down...or even shouldn't have had them at all.

It's a pretty new cultural phenomenon for women to be able to look after kids fulltime and be supported. wasn't the case 100 years ago or 1000 years ago (unless you were rich in which case you had a wetnurse or nanny or both).

Oh and I think oliver James is a knob and a practitioner of bad science.

"I reckon the higher the IQ of the mother the more likely she is to be a SAHM"

ptomely! Much mock shock

'I have always enjoyed conversations with my children, whether they consisted of one syllable words or more,'

I ahve both sides on this

with the first two not sure I did- though I loved most other things about them.

Then I had a non verbal child (just talking now aged 5.5)

Wow do I treasure every pre-verbal sound ds4 utters, the eye contavct, every single tenuous step forwards he amkes no matter how tiny.

Can't see why a WOHM a bit wiser than young me would differ though?

No, not me Findtheriver, although we are never in the same room at the same time....(hmmm)

lol @ importance of aquariums comments

I've done my own little survey and the results show that aquarium going is overated

I've got to disagree about non-wage-earning mothers being a recent phenomenon. My maternal grandmother stopped her work (as a domestic servant) when she got married, and never earned any money thereafter; she had four children, and that was her job. Her husband was a coal-miner so hardly rich. As far as I know, this was entirely typical of that particular milieu (South Wales valleys, working class families) at the time.

My survey on aquarium-going has conclusively proven that it causes lasting emotional and psychological damage. More even than attending nursery 24/7.

policywonk, very interesting about early years v. later years parenting/childcare. I am of largely of the attachment parenting mindset, as both my dc are high needs and I felt it suited their temperament. I made the most of my one year maternity leave and started them in ft nursery at 11 months, fully expecting that my non-napping, bf-ed, mummy-obsessed dcs would not settle. To my utter surprise they did! And they eat well, sleep independently, play nicely with toys and other children, things they would never do for me at home.

So I have had to backtrack on this attachment parenting, one-to-one ideal somewhat. If my dcs can thrive, there is every chance that other children (though not all, of course) will thrive in a good nursery environment. And many many young babies from my observation are fairly content and happy to have anyone fairly responsive tend to their needs.

That is the basis of my view that children need their parents more at an older age than in the early years. Babies are happy with anyone, so long as that person is reasonably responsive and loving. A parent, grandparent, nursery carer(s), nanny, cm can fulfill this. As their mother, I maintain some continuity of high touch care through co-sleeping and bf-ing long after i went back to work. So it is by no means

But now that my dd is 5, many times only mummy (or daddy) will do. She wants me and only me (not the aupair) to take her to the afterschool gala - she wants to show me off to her friends. She has little playground worries she will tell me but not the aupair. A lot of the homework I feel it is better for me or only I can to supervise.

I imagine when the emotional and academic issues become more complicated that my presence will only become more important.

So better to invest in later years than early years? I did not set out to do this, but I know I have that flexibility simply because I have paid off a lot of the mortgage from my salary having kept my hand in WOH in the early years and beyond.

ah, back to the coal miners . even gryff rhys jones has a miner amongst his ancestors