to be annoyed that someone well my mother called my dd a tomboy

[spottyzebrahasthelurgy]

she was wearing a dress

i don't like her being labeled tomboy

I don't really like the term. It implies that a girl who is fierce and fiesty and physically brave cannot be a girl but must be some kind of boy, as those qualities (assertiveness, physical courage and strength etc) are not female characteristics. There is no equivalent 'compliment' for boys for the very simple reason that because this society still considers women inferior to me, to be compared to a male is a compliment to a female as it raises her status to that of the male, to be compared to a female is an insult to man, as it reduces his status.
My daughters - my younger especially - are confident, sporty, brave girls - not 'tomboys'

My youngest is also crazy about pink, hates trousers and loves dresses, and it does not inhibit her physical prowess one bit.

Surely if the little girls hears her mother objecting to her being called a Tomboy she will feel that she has done something wrong in displaying steriotypical "masculine" behaviours? If the mother smiles and says "yes, DD loves to climb trees, she's full of fun" then any negative is taken out of the label. Any concerns about sexism should certainly be dealt with amongst adult company only. IMO

I might say, 'no, she's not a tomboy, she's a brave, lively girl. That's what girls are like actually.'

You misunderstand me SGB, I very much want to be equal, but I don't want to be superior. I am resolutely unfeminine 90% of the time, better at joinery than most of the guys I know, and can carry a half hundredweight of potatoes.

However, I think feminism (where women try to be the same as guys) can sometimes belittle femininity - I'm naturally a bit of a guy but there are those who are "girly" and enjoy homemaking and traditionally "feminine" things and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. On the other hand, I do hate it when women and girls pretend to be dumb or weak, because they think it's "cute" or attracts guys.

I think the problem is that, as you say, everything is so gender stereotyped. There are those of both sexes who display masculine and feminine traits, and neither should be better or more worthy.

I dont think that Tomboy is a nasty thing to say but I dont like lables being applied to very young children.

My 10 month old DD has been told "she will be a tomboy" just because she is quite feisty. I feel like it restricts how (later) she will develop. Obviously for now she can't understand what is said to her (hopefully ).

Also, and I think this is just me. I am quite a girly girl and would feel that tomboy would make my DD not like me. I appreciate that she is her own person blah blah blah but I think we all secretly want a "mini me" when they are babies?

I was a tom boy didn't bother me at all I was the first one up a tree dress or not I still have my tree climbing talents as well

TTT: I don't think that anyone should be made to feel ashamed of a fondness for home-making, pretty things, etc. I have a problem with girls being coaxed and coerced towards things labelled 'feminine' if they are not keen, whereas boys are forbidden them. IF a DS wants ballet shoes and ribbons in his hair he should be allowed them, just as a DD should be allowed to climb all the trees she wants.
Basically, people who are obsessed with labelling things (and other people) along gender lines are always people who want to preserve a hierarchy - that of masculine superiority and feminine inferiority.

Stewie, she sounds like a normal girl with lots of varied interests. I agree with you - absolutely no need for a label. People who label her are doing it to try and pigeonhole her in their own minds.

Spottyzebra, how about you just say

'I'd rather you didn't call her that'.

End of.

No need to discuss why...your the parent, what you say, goes.

why did it upset you though? I still don't get it.

Was she just referring to the fact that she rarely wears girly clothes?

I'm guessing it upset Spottyzebra because her mother labeled her as 'not the bright one' as a child and Spotty does not now want her dd having a similar experience...