to be annoyed that someone well my mother called my dd a tomboy

[spottyzebrahasthelurgy]

she was wearing a dress

i don't like her being labeled tomboy

agree redcardigan, its not an insult in my book

Are you particularly keen for her to be girly? I only ask because you seem quite uptight about it.

Mind you, my 2.5yr old doesn't own a dress. Way too impractical for her age and activities.

little girls who are constantly dressed in pretty dresses, tights and nice shoes simply cannot join in rough and tumble, climbing, etc messy activities. Not saying you are like this with yours OP !!
Just a thought.

I always put my dds in stuff they could move in, cos long dresses get trod on, and really, whats the point of pretty girly fancy stuff at that age ? It makes parents stop their dd doing certain stuff.

i'm not keen for hr to be anything other than herself
which is why i do not like her being labeled or pigeon holed esp at 16 months old!
mum did use to label me as not the bright one
so when i was a kid i thought i was thick

Ah, the problem here is not the tomboy comment but rather your relationship with your mother.

Just remember your DD is your daughter and you will have the biggest influence on her life. I'm sure your own experience will ensure that she grows up happy and confident in her own skin.

o thats not nice, spottyzebra, now I can see why you would be sensitive to your mum calling your dd anything at all.

It is not really what she called her, but the fact she labelled her at all, that upsets you, isnt it ?

I guess you just have to grit your teeth and ignore, and remember that you are the main influence on your dd, so it won't matter that much what your mum says she looks like or acts like, as long as you are being sure to let her be whatever she wants to be.

Ahh, hugs to spottyzebra!

xposts, chatkins

Oh 16 months, well that's a bit young for labelling. I wouldn't get so offended about it though.

Aww Zebra, don't project onto your DD (terribly Oprah, I know).
That is awful that you grew up thinking that you weren't bright, but "Tomboy" isn't an insult, honestly.

yes its the fct of being labeled anything
if she said oh shes a girly girl i wouldn't like tht much either, although doesn't quite seem like so much a label as tomboy iyswim

xpost, that's horrible. No wonder you're a bit sensitive about what she calls her. YANBU

try not to be offended by tomboy label or girly, in my book neither are bad. Like I said my dds have been pretty tomboysih and many people have called them that, and I take it as a good thing, but I know many friends and relatives with really girly girls, who always look immaculate, etc, and they are just as lovely and it just a good a thing.

Just sigh and roll your eyes, and be thankful it is not something worse she is saying.

But if it ever is something worse, then put your foot down immeditately and tell her it s unacceptable and you won't have it.

well i won't have this im afraid, i will tell her stright
no labels please

i don't think girls are one thing or the other they are probably a mixture of both at different times.

Thing is, people who say a girl is a tomboy generally do mean it in a neutral or approving sense, in the way that calling a little boy a sissy (which is the exact counterpart) is never approving and rarely neutral.
People who use these labels think that genitalia define behaviour and that it's ok for females to imitate male behaviour (males being superior) so long as they don't try to claim too many male privileges but it's not OK at all for males to imitate female behaviour, because femaleness is inferior.
Those of you who have fond memories of being called a tomboy, do you think your DPs/brothers/male friends would have similar fond memories of being labelled a sissy?
The obsession with gendering childhood is getting worse, not better, and really shouldn't be encouraged or condoned.

wow sbg
fuck i wish i had your ability to explain things.
come round here and sort my mother out would you.

dh said most people wounldnt like boys being called nancys fairys or sissys

YABU.

SGB I think you take this kind of thing far too seriously. Do you have a lot of overbearing male influence in your life? I have never experienced inferiority due to being female. I've always been equal to guys - but in fact I haven't seen them as anything superior that I have to be equal to.

We are all just people, fair enough there are societies and historical periods where men have dominated (and indeed some still do), but there is no reason for this. It's just a way of living that has become ingrained in those particular societies. I think feminism can go too far the other way though, and try to make women superior, rather than recognising everyone as equal.

Also, men and women can and should be equal in many ways, but nothing will ever change the fact that they have basic differences, mainly located around childbirth. I think it's a shame when being "traditionally feminine" is belittled, and women who don't do "manly" things are somehow making themselves inferior.

But I digress...

OP - I think there's nothing wrong with tomboy, it's just a word that people use to describe someone subverting gender stereotypes. You don't need to believe in those stereotypes though, in which case tomboy is utterly meaningless and shouldn't annoy you at all. I have no issue with ds painting his nails with felt-tips and walking round in my high heels, even though MIL says it will turn him gay . I also have no issue with him playing football and being loud and boisterous. Kids will do what they feel happy doing, and won't consider it wrong unless you tell them so.

I was a "tomboy" and still am - dh is more "feminine" at times.

TTT: Feminism will only have 'gone too far' when more men are raped and domestically abused by women than women by men, when women routinely earn 25% more than men and when women can insist on men dressing in certain ways and enforce this by means of violence or imprisonment.
That do you?

I was a tomboy, and proud of it - still am! if I have a daughter, I hope she would be one too. I think it's oversensitive to be annoyed.

roffle at feminism going too far In our dreams..

I personally think that I like all my children to challenge assumptions. DD is a 'tomboy' in that sense (I just had to drag her kicking and screaming to buy shoes) and I've used it as a 'label' before. But I can see it might be a little sexist. That being said I'm glad she is how she is, whatever you call it.

Don't be offended OP. Unless you dislike the idea of her ungirly, or you beleive it was meant offensively.

She didn't say that feminism had gone too far.
She said that feminism can be taken too far when we (as a society) start portraying girls/women as superior.

As a teacher I see regular bias towards girls but that's another thread.