to not want DH to go away for christmas?

[highsandlows]

Last night DH comes in at 9.45 after having a meeting (at the pub) with his boss.

He walks in and says

"How would you feel if I was'nt here for christmas?"

"Why,where would you be?" I asked

"On a tropical island" he says casually.

Turns out his boss has some jobs coming up over the christmas period in Australia and South America.

His boss said he thought DH would'nt want to go as he has a small family,DD is 5 and DS is 7.

DH's way of thinking was it would be good for him and a travelling experience to tell the children about .
He said the children would be excited about him being o the other side of the world.
At 5 and 7 I'm not sure?

Also he thought the children would'mt mind him not being here and we are not christians and is christmas that important.

We could celebrate a few days later when he got back.
I explained that I would want the children to open presents at the correct time,christmas day so as not to spoli the myth of santa coming in christmas eve.

He has no firm dates when he would be back,could be 3 days could be new year.
He said he was just testing the water with me.
But from what he said it sounds like he has said to his boss his family would'nt mind.

I think the children would mind,especially DS and told him he has had his childhood of christmas's and that this is not about what he wants but how the children would feel.

Of course I got excused of being not open and putting up barriers.

It's just the way he presented to me ,like I will be on a tropical island.{hmm}

Other people could go in his firm who have no children.
I must just say that my parents died a few yeras ago and DH's parents live away and we never get invited for christmas.
So it would just be me and the children.

Am I being totally unreasonable?

What I mean is tell him that you mind rather than making it all about the kids.

Jolly, deffo, IMHO. I would rather eat my own odor eaters than go without xmas with DW and DS. Go for the kids hol after xmas as a family but get your monies worth on a luxury weekend for sure..

My dh has been away a couple of times at Christmas before ds was born, and I hated it. He's Forces, so it was unavoidable.

I think your husband is being a selfish git, and if he goes, you all should as well, or he doesn't go. End of.

Agree with everyone else.

If I was in your position with my DH I would be inconsolable that he even considered not being here for Christmas.

But I have to say that knowing DH he would not want to be away from his DC's at Christmas (not sure about me sometimes ).

Is there no way you can all go?

YANBU, he is being a selfish sod.
I would not go away from my family at Christmas for love nor money.

He sees it as a free jolly to a hot place.
Tell him how you feel and that you do not want to do Christmas alone.

"DH's way of thinking was it would be good for him and a travelling experience to tell the children about .
He said the children would be excited about him being o the other side of the world."

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable. Does he think it will be exciting for you to hear about Australia too? DH often travels for work (and has been to Australia this year). I can tell you that it is no more exciting to phone Daddy on the other side of the world than it is to phone him at the office. They just miss him.

Your children are old enough to be aware of what day Christmas takes place - your DH hasn't even told you what alternative day he plans to celebrate.

To be honest, I think Christmas can be celebrated on a day that isn't Christmas - but your husband just seems so blah and uninterested in celebrating with his family - he seems to have left the whole thing up to you

It's the only time of year I can get some real family, chilling round the house, quality time as a family imo I really look forward to it, everything is shut so you can take your time, snuggle up with blankets and watch films and watch dc's playing with their toys while you cuddle up and have a drink, most of your friends and family aren't working so you can have get togethers and see people at the drop of a hat. You can let the houswework slide a bit and take it in turns to have lie in's.

Unless you could go with him the answer would definitly be NO WAY!

This thread is really depressing me.

My DH found out this week that he has to work on Christmas Day & night and I'm now dreading it.

Don't let him get away with this. Christmas without Daddy won't be fun for anyone, except maybe him

I would say to im either you all go or none of you, a great opputunity for the kids if you could all go (Would his firm pay for this?) Otherwise I think it is completly unfair for him to go. Where I first saw the nameof the post I thought he was going to be in the armed forces so had no choice in being away.

You really need to consider the possibility as others have said, that it's not true... I would be suspicious tbh

I would be so pissed off that he even suggested it, that he didn't want to be with me & the kids at Christmas. Even if he doesn't go, that damage and hurt is done, isn't it?

The children would be excited about him being away??? hahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Lots of jobs have no choice except to work which is sad but unavoidable. He has the choice here-I would be very upset if my DH worked because he volunteered.

Unless DH was stranded because of his job ie plane can't take off or whatever he would never spend Christmas away from us.

Your dH is being a selfish twat IMO

So will you be showing him this thread, so he can see it's not just you who's "being not open and putting up barriers."

YANBU - he is being very selfish, esp as you do not have any family you can spend the day with. Even if you did have family around he would still be selfish to want to leave you all for xmas.

Also it is very selfish for him to suggest putting xmas day off untill he returns.

I love going on holiday for xmas is there any chance the whole family could afford to go? Alot of people think xmas in another country will not be as good as england but I love being in a hot country for xmas.

sorry just seen the message where you said you would not be able to go as well.

Have you told dp how you feel now that he is sober?

There are at least three of us on MN whose kids have lost their fathers this year and are facing the first Christmas without Daddy. We don't have a choice. Your DH does. My DH would have given anything for one more chance to play Santa and wake up on Christmas morning to see the DSs open their presents. We valued moments like that above anything else. Your DH needs to give some serious thought about what is really important in his life. I hope he wakes up to his selfishness.

I echo MummyDoIt in her thoughtprovoking post: "Your DH needs to give some serious thought about what is really important in his life."

My Dh works in India a lot, and now travels between London (we live in norway atm), Indi a and Bulgaria. He has ALWAYS made it a priority to get home for Christmas. Sometimes as late as the 23rd, but he has done it. Even if it has meant flying out again shortly after in the new year.

"Mine being working class, a father who worked 12 hour shifts all his life and DH's family fairy well off and living in different countries ,private school etc.

We do have varying ideas on family and have argued before on similar issues. "

DHs family and my family sound very similar however I am sure with us if my father had even THOUGHT about missing Christmas my mother would have gone postal on him. I think if you have a husband who does travel a lot during the year then it is even more important to be together for this family time.

YANBU. Your husband is being a plonker, put your foot down.

It's not on. Whatever your religeous beliefs, Christmas - more than any other day of the year - is about being together with your family, the people you most love.

I think it would be bleak without him.

My dad always came for Christmas even when he and mum divorced. We would wait at the window for him to arrive feeling that Christmas day couldn't really start until he was with us. We hated it when he left at the end of the day and Christmas ground to a halt.

I also dont see how anybody in their right mind think that their "kids will find it really exciting that daddy is on the other side of the planet". Why? If THEY were also on the other side of the planet it would be exciting.

My kids DONT find daddy working in India particularly exciting, even though it is an exciting country and much fun could be had there AS A FAMILY.

I agree with MummyDoIt-having been a widow I can tell you it is heartbreaking to have a 2 yr old who can't have his daddy with him for Christmas. You DH needs to work out what is important in life.

Unbelievable that he would even want to think about being away from his kids at christmas!

No travel experience would make up for not seeing their little faces on xmas morning.

If he has a choice, it should definately be a no.

Sorry to be a cynic, but this all sounds a bit dodgy to me. Forces/medical workers/oil industry types etc.. aside, who goes away on business over Christmas? I hate to suggest this, but are you certain this was the boss's suggestion and not another woman's?
Look, he's testing the water with you. SAY NO. This is absolutely NOT ON. And it would me that he could possibly think it is.

air engineer course at christmas? big fat hairy ones. they'll shut down a week before so all the trainees can have christmas off with their family. even the military shut down their courses for a christmas break.

ERNEST {hello macdoodle waves madly quick over to glam and fab exciting news}
Sorry for gatecrash
You are most def NOT BU - the kids will mind and MORE to the point so will you - thoughtless selfish idiot of a man