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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disgusted with this woman?

124 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 07/11/2008 14:10

I am so fucking angry. On my lunch break I parked up to run into a shop, it?s a road in the middle of town and there?s parking spaces each side of the road ifykwim, there?s not many shops, mainly residential.

Anyway, couldn?t get a parking space very near to the shop so was a bout 10 cars away from it, as I pulled in this woman pulled in beside me with her baby (approx 6-7 months old) in a car seat, in the front seat! - I thought this was completely stupid but gets better.

I went into the shop and when I came back out and was getting into my car noticed that little baby is sitting in car on his own the car is, as I said about 10 cars from the shop so not like she could throw an eye out the window to him, plus its a large shop anyway and the desk is far from the door, very busy road with both cars and pedestrians - I sat for a minute because I was worried - seen the lock up on the car so presumably unlocked so anyone could pop open the door and take the baby etc..

10 minutes later the stupid bitch arrives out with a bag of shopping.

I?m so angry. So many people out there would give their right arm to have a baby and actually take care of him/her responsibly.

grrr...

OP posts:
combustiblelemon · 07/11/2008 23:31

I don't think the risks have increased, I think that we've reached a state of paranoia. The biggest risks to children still come from within the home.

Chrysanthamum · 07/11/2008 23:32

Yawn yawn, I think the point was made long ago. Not a wise choice to leave the baby but don't make a witch hunt out of it. Why is parenting so competitive/susceptible to judgement these days? Everyone gets sooo shocked by other people's terrible mistakes. I mean what is the issue here? Are people concerned about the child in the car who hopefully is tucked up in bed now, or about presenting an uber mum, holier than thou image.
Enough already.

earlynite · 07/11/2008 23:32

So, why add to the risks?

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/11/2008 23:34

FanjoForTheMammaries

I always open the thread thinking it will be about some depraved woman using a baby as a football or something and its really just that she has called it dear instead of darling or something

this made me giggle!!1

Mumi · 07/11/2008 23:35

YANBU

Littleladyloulou · 07/11/2008 23:35

X posts onager!

You have SOME chance of hearing or dealing with a problem if you are in the house with the child.

You have NO chance of hearing or dealing with a problem if you are in a shop and the child is in the car in the car park.

That's one of the differences

Secondly it's not about being silly about it and waking a child up and carrying them round the house in case they choke, come on now Onager you are far more intelligent than that! Where do you draw the line then? Is it ok to go shopping with kids left in car for 15 mins? 30 mins? 1 hour? What about going to the gym instead of the shops, does that make a difference? What about going for a drink? Does the activity change or justify the fact you left your child?

Littleladyloulou · 07/11/2008 23:37

(don't mean to sound all cross-questionning in last post Or indeed challenging, am just curious, Sorry if it comes across as challenging)

Chrysanthamum · 07/11/2008 23:44

Yawn yawn zzzz off to bed now gnite everybody

Quattrocento · 07/11/2008 23:47

I'd like to get het up about stuff like this but really who can be bothered?

Littleladyloulou · 07/11/2008 23:57

Yes, good night Chrysthanthamum! Have yourself a real nice sleep now!

ingles2 · 08/11/2008 00:03

you know I had exactly this the other day. I was sitting in the car waiting to go and pick up the dc's from school after doing the shopping and a woman pulled up next to me with 2 babies asleep in the car.
she sat and waited for a bit then got out and opened the boot to start getting buggies out.
I asked her if she was ok and she said she just need a couple of things and wondered about leaving them in the car. Anyway long shot is, I went and got the bananas and milk she stayed in car park.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if Tesco (or any of the others) offered this service for mums of babies. They all go to sleep in the car just when you need something small. we need drive through supermarkets!!

mummag · 08/11/2008 11:45

Bottom line its neglect and dangerous too to leave a baby on its own. So what if the child cries when you take it out, suck it up deep breaths get what you need and get out. My kids are not angels the moan and winge with the best of them but they still come with me, even if i need to get some milk from over the road. Internet shopping is useful too as you do not need to have the inconvenience of your kids with you. I am also reminded of another thread recently where people were shocked about people leaving older kids in a toy shop whilst they buggered off shopping elsewhere and that was universally disapproved of. I think both are terrible and irresponsible, no one i know would dream of doing this

onager · 08/11/2008 12:05

Littleladyloulou, it's okay I'd feel a bit uncomfortable too leaving them in a car and going into a shop. I just think that my 'feeling' is a bit illogical because I can't really make a good argument for it being worse than the same amount of time in a house. So I couldn't get angry to see someone doing it.

It's about risk assessment. If we all said there must be no risk than no baby could be left even for a few minutes when asleep. In practice we keep risks minimal and there are different opinions on what is more risky and how much risk is reasonable.

So 5 mins in a shop is probably better than waking the baby and spending 30 mins getting them in and out of the car/buggy. A 30 minute absence would be too long and would be worth getting them out for.

Imagine you had to do several things on this trip. Stop here for bread, stop there to post letter, stop further on to ask GP for appointment and so on. Getting the baby out each time might mean you couldn't get them all done.

ang22 · 08/11/2008 12:06

i think it all depends on circumstances and where you are. i leave my children in the car but only at say a petrol station where i can see my car and am only going to be a couple of mins. would never go shopping for longer than that without taking them with me. internet shopping is great!! and the idea of a drive through shop would be fantastic!!

staffylover · 08/11/2008 20:11

mayorquimby i wouldn`t leave my child alone at home let alone in a car. cars have been stolen with a child stuck in the back!

peadophiles are opportunistic....what about the child taken from a garden a few years ago?

it is a criminal offence to leave children alone in the house and if it isn`t it should be if left in car!

onager · 08/11/2008 21:12

Suppose the shops is robbed by a gunman while you are in there? I think it should be illegal to take kids into a shop where they might get shot by a robber.

Does anyone know how many stranger kidnappings there were last year. Was it less than the 52 (actually 104 since it's twice a week) weekly lottery wins

Original poster
BarbieLovesKen · 09/11/2008 11:40

Oh my God onager! 104 children were kidnapped last year??! how awful - thats terrifying.

Does anyone remember Milly and Gavin, they were left in a parked car in Limerick city and a group of thugs petrol bombed the car - the poor little things were burnt beyond belief

OP posts:
MeMySonAndI · 09/11/2008 11:55

Am I right in saying that most of those kidnapped kids are taken by their own parents? (normally non resident parent in separated families?)

Bramshott · 10/11/2008 15:48

I think Onager was just making the point that it is surely less likely your child will be kidnapped than that you will win the lottery. I don't think she was in any way offering 104 as a figure. Remember that the reason we all talk about Madeleine McCann is that what happened to her was vanishingly rare.

Wigglesworth · 10/11/2008 16:04

I think OP is right to feel a bit , I find that pretty irresponsible. It is hard work carting the kids out of the car into the shops but if it is as the OP has said busy road, car unlocked not within eyeshot etc the child shouldn't have been left IMO. As many posters have said its none of her biz but I think she did the right thing by just staying around til Mum came back.

onager · 10/11/2008 16:10

Sorry, Bramshott is right. I just meant it's extremely rare and then it's mostly people they know anyway.

Not that any risk should be dismissed entirely, but the newspapers have made us all feel like hordes of kidnappers are roaming the country waiting for their chance. If we've got say 60,000,000 people in this country then 59,999,990 are not looking for someone to kidnap.

spookycharlotte121 · 10/11/2008 16:12

I sometimes have to run into a shop and leave the dc's in the car. I have 2 kids (5months and 16 months) and If i dont have the double buggy with me then I do have to sometimes dash into a shop and grab what I need. That said I am never 10 mins and if there was a large queue then we would have to go without.... I have been known to ask if I can push in when I only have a pint of milk and everyone else has a million things. I think people have different methods of parenting and I really dont reckon she would have intentionally left the car unlocked.

GreenMonkies · 10/11/2008 16:25

Well Barbie,

DD2 was on the front seat (rear-facing with no air bag) until she went forward facing aged about 10 months, sometimes it's the only way to fit a car seat in the car, my rear seat belts wouldn't go around the seat when it was rear-facing.

However, it is stupid, irresponsible and neglectful to leave a baby in an unlocked car out of your line of site whilst you pop into a shop. I lock my kids in the car when I go in to pay at the petrol station, and will only leave them if they are where I can see them.

upnorth · 10/11/2008 17:02

what if another car had hit the stationery car with the baby in it? If the baby had started crying then I'm sure other people would have been concerned. I don't think you are unreasonable to be angry and concerned at this woman's behaviour. Alot of people make stupid mistakes but I don't understand why so many people on Mumsnet get upset about one thing and not another as if they are different - on another thread people are angry about a 5 and 6 year old being left home alone whilst the mother goes shopping (left in their own home) but people on this thread think it's ok to leave a baby alone in a car for such a long period of time so far from the shop?? Perhaps she thought she would only be a minute but Maddy McCann was snatched in a matter of minutes according to her parents' account.

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