Judges Needed for minor PFB issue

[Earlybird]

I have volunteered to host an annual family luncheon in a few weeks time. The invitation went out verbally for all to arrive at 12.30 (or a bit earlier if they wish) for lunch around 1.00.

One family member has asked if we can gather at 11.30 so they can leave by 1.30 to put their 3.9 year old son down for his nap (he is a PFB). I batted this back saying their ds was more than welcome to nap here in a quiet upstairs bedroom so they wouldn't have to rush home. Evidently, that will not work, as their son 'can only sleep in his own bed'.

The family member is now implying that if we don't move our luncheon time, they will not attend.

Part of me thinks it is no big deal to move the time, but part of me is determined not to pander and be dictated to.

Thoughts?

I would think most 2.9 yr olds could easily survive without a nap for one day (or have a bit of a snooze in the car on the way home to make up for it).

That said, with DD1, I might have got in a bit of a flap about taking her to a 1pm lunch at this age (I would have gone though and not asked the time to be changed). Now with DD2 (20 months), i wouldn't turn a hair, I'd know she'd be hellish around bathtime having missed her nap, but think that a family get together was worth it as a pay off.

All that said, is he the only small child present?? If there are lots of children then maybe a 12.30 lunch might be a better idea anyway as generally they all start getting a little hungry and fractious by that time, and at least by bringing it forward half an hour you could appear to be trying to compromise.....

Why don't you say that you'd love them to come early and you'll make their pfb a sandwich if the rest of the meal isn't ready in time for him? That way they can come in their timeslot without you moving everyone's lunch. If you did lots of canapes they could fill up on those if they had to leave before the main course.

Well having just attended lunch today at my MIL with my DS1 who is 3.10 and my DS2 22months - they both had their lunch at 1.30pm - not ideal (but she always serves lunch late) but as many of you say the excitement of the day carried my DS2 through - he went down for a snooze at about 2.30pm and my DS1 nodded off in the car on the way home at about 4.30pm.

At 3.10 he does still have a nap most days and won't start school until next september so I don't imagine he will still be napping then. But it does seems very odd that they would flap so much about this.

Have they really never leave home for 365 days of the year for the best part of 4 years for their PFB's nap time?

Is there any reason you can't move it slightly earlier? Would it cause other people a problem? What is the reason not to fit around their constraints (even if you think they are illogical)

No way mine would nap anywhere other than their own bed (& often not there ), so I feel that point is fair enough tbh. BUT more to the point they would get very grounchy if they weren't fed. And a grounchy child is not a good thing at a family gathering. My family know this and we all tend to eat family lunches on the early side (to eat by 12.30) so that kids are on good form & everyone can enjoy it. No-one tends to explode because they're eating 30 mins earlier than normal ...

Don't get me wrong, I DO think that most 3.9 yo can manage without an occasional afternoon sleep, but actually i also know one who did. Maybe they are being PFB about it. But surely the point is you like these people, & it won't cause you any real problems to make their life easier. Why not do it?

The OP seems to have lost interest in her thread.

Did you come to a conclusion earlybird?

Ok, its the 'annual' gathering - if someone had another commitment and they asked if it could be brought forward or moved later, would you do that? (ie, they were working or had some appointment they couldn't change)

If it's the annual gathering, you're not likely to come across this again, as the said child will be a year old next time, so the arguments about setting a dangerous precedent don't really apply.

I agree with bringing it forward, and then just letting everyone have a leisurely lunch, but allowing said family members to rush through theirs a bit in order to leave on time. They will still be missing out a bit, but they still get to come. Also, if other family members come a bit later, they can just join in on the lunch which is in progress. (My family have always been a bit ad hoc, can't you tell??!!!)

You have said you want them there, so what's the big deal? Be annoyed, get over it, and then get on with the lunch and enjoy getting together with everyone.

3.9?

My DS went to school at 4 and a week - no chance for naps there

Don't pander

He is 2.9. OP has been back saying she was wrong about the childs age.

I think it is a bitt OTT to refuse to be flexible just because you dont agree with other peoples parenting of their toddler.

Nothing to do with OP's thoughts about parenting issues. Everything to do with the child's parents way of dealing with social invitations. You don't change to a silly lunchtime because one child's routine demands it. And my point about precedent remains - not just with this child but with any others who appear within this family. If you put your child to bed at 1.30 you must be fairly used to keeping odd hours; no reason to force that on everyone else.

This is an ongoing battle in my family. My family is huge and chaotic and tea is never served until at least 7.30, despite all being invited at 6.

My B and SIL have a wee one who can't fit in with these timings and my mum moans endlessly about how silly this is, and how they should just 'chill' and 'be more flexible'.

I don't have kids but I'd tell her (my mum) to feck off tbh. Either the kid can fit in, in which case great, or he/she can't, in which case you have to politely decline those invitations until the kid is bigger.

I'd just stay at home until the kid was old enough to attend without trauma and hassle. I wouldn't change the time for everybody else either, as all it takes is one latecomer and the whole thing gets thrown out anyway.

OK I actually don't think there is anything at all wrong with the cousin asking for the time to be changed. It doesn't mean I would expect it - that would be unreasonable. But if it doesn't make a difference to the op and the rest of the family to have it an hour earlier whats the issue?

What do the rest of the family think about timing? If people are travelling a long way for example then an earlier time wouldn't work but if it doesn't matter then just change it!

And fwiw I don't actually think 12 is a silly lunchtime especially if there are lots of small children there

If children can't nap anywhere but thier own beds what do they do when you go on holidays?

I don't think the napping is a bed issue per se, more a too much going on issue (although I have never had this problem as both my dds like to sleep!)
Erm Why is putting a child to sleep at 1330 keeping odd hours? My 2.10yo needs lots of sleep and in fact has always had this time from being 1yo. Today is the first outing past that time that she has not got stroppy due to being tired My 8mth old has lunch at 1130 because any later and she falls asleep half way through despite 3/4hr at 9-945 Perhaps my children are abnormal. However, having been a childminder and seen in the region of 30 sleep/eating habits of toddlers, most have similar habits! They must all be abnormal?

To quote others, "FFS!". A nearly 4-yr old? Surely he can just keep going till after lunch and then sleep in the car on the way home or sleep at home when they get there? Ridiculous. They're just making problems for themselves, or "a rod for their own backs" as we've all heard over the years

To quote others, "FFS!". A nearly 4-yr old? Surely he can just keep going till after lunch and then sleep in the car on the way home or sleep at home when they get there? Ridiculous. They're just making problems for themselves, or "a rod for their own backs" as we've all heard over the years

Bizarre - I meant to post this:

Didn't read the whole threadso now I see he is 2.6. Still, surely he can keep going till after lunch?

QOAWT- There is a difference between 'keeping going' and 'enjoying' things. I could keep my 2.10yo old up until 3/4pm but if she fell asleep in the car she might get 15 mins and then be a nightmare to get to bed because she was overtired. She would also start misbehaving at lunch because she is too tired to be bothered with eating. Not all children can survive on little sleep.