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AIBU?

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Original poster

Judges Needed for minor PFB issue

120 replies

Earlybird · 06/11/2008 18:26

I have volunteered to host an annual family luncheon in a few weeks time. The invitation went out verbally for all to arrive at 12.30 (or a bit earlier if they wish) for lunch around 1.00.

One family member has asked if we can gather at 11.30 so they can leave by 1.30 to put their 3.9 year old son down for his nap (he is a PFB). I batted this back saying their ds was more than welcome to nap here in a quiet upstairs bedroom so they wouldn't have to rush home. Evidently, that will not work, as their son 'can only sleep in his own bed'.

The family member is now implying that if we don't move our luncheon time, they will not attend.

Part of me thinks it is no big deal to move the time, but part of me is determined not to pander and be dictated to.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
BitOfBarackyFun · 06/11/2008 18:41

in total agreement, say they are welcome to leave early, but everyone else is coming for lunch at one. Honestly, some people!

StewieGriffinsMom · 06/11/2008 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Earlybird · 06/11/2008 18:43

Thanks for advice so far. Back in awhile - am off to attend to the needs of my own child and her routine!

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 06/11/2008 18:44

No don't change your lunch time . The world does not revolve around a PFB.

AbbeyA · 06/11/2008 18:49

He is not the centre of the universe! Do not change it.

alarkaspree · 06/11/2008 18:56

Okay, they are crazy, and I am baffled by their outlook on life - have they never been out to lunch before?

BUT you like them and want to see them. So if I were you I would probably either change the time of lunch to 12.30, which is more or less lunchtime, or suggest that they host the lunch and you bring the main course.

I'm in a minority of one though.

AbbeyA · 06/11/2008 19:03

Of course he can only sleep in 'his own bed' if they never put him elsewhere! At 3yrs he could stay awake- if he gets so tired he drops off, he could be carried to a bed!

kalo12 · 06/11/2008 19:06

well i think that if its not an inconvenience for you and everyone else then why not change the time. yes they are being inflexible, but they have tried to find a solution by asking you to change the time, they are not forcing you, they are saying that they can't otherwise attend and they are free to decline your nvitation.

i've no idea what 3.9 year olds are like btw, and i'm sure they are being pfb or worse.

but you are not changing your arrangements, because of how you feel about your luncheon. isn't that being inflexible?

you could lead by example. its nice to be nice. i think everybody should like everybody (warhol)

kalo12 · 06/11/2008 19:09

are you precious about lunch times and think they should only be at one o clock?
it doesn't have to be a battle. everyone could get together and have a good time.

whats the problem

scaryteacher · 06/11/2008 19:11

I would not change the time for lunch, as it gives you more time to sort things out - but I would suggest brunch instead as you have. Their world may revolve around their child - but the rest of the family's may not. Problem is, once you move the time, they get to dictate thereafter family meals according to their ds's needs, not everyone else's.

AbbeyA · 06/11/2008 19:12

People get away with PFB if everyone bends to it!

scaryteacher · 06/11/2008 19:14

I don't think she's being precious at all Kalo - if I am inviting people for a lunch and I am catering for several people then it's 1230 for 1300, as it gives me time to cook, sort the house, shower after I've cooked and get looking half way decent.

I think it is rude to ask someone to adjust the time for your convenience; one declines the invitation, and arranges to see the hosts at another time.

Star1ightExpress · 06/11/2008 19:14

You could compromise and say 12:00 then they might be embarassed to complain or not come.

Or, I'd be tempted to tell them that you moved it, but not do. They'll come then and you'll all see them, but they'll just have to leave early and hungry!

twinsetandpearls · 06/11/2008 19:15

I would chamge the time, I am just like that.

IAmNotHere · 06/11/2008 19:25

It's kinda cheeky to ask them to change the time when they're not the only guests. It sounds like a biggish do, an extra hour of prep could make a lot of difference. Different if it were just them.

But if I invited someone over for a family do and they said 'Well we will only stay 2 hours because Fauntleroy needs his nap on the dot of 2pm or it Armageddon so we won't stick around' I'd think take it or leave it, pal.

AbbeyA · 06/11/2008 19:27

In RL I expect I would change it-I am too soft! However I don't think it ought to be changed!

kalo12 · 06/11/2008 19:35

i'm not saying she is being precious. i'm asking whether it is such an inconvenience for the op or is it the principal because she thinks they are being pfb. i just think sometimes the main point ie everyone having a good time, might get lost in the minor battle.

plantsitter · 06/11/2008 19:39

Maybe the kid is REALLY HORRIBLE if he doesn't get his nap. And they might come anyway just to show you.

(Hope that helps )

shatteredmumsrus · 06/11/2008 19:44

dont change it. My son is that age and adrenaline would keep him going.They are very adaptable and flexible at this age. They sound weird!

nzshar · 06/11/2008 19:46

omg 3.9 this child will be at school soon will they be then taking him home every afternoon so he can sleep??? VERY VERY PFB and by this stage needs to be nipped in the bud. And thats speaking from a person who has an only that is 4.5. By 2 I realised either I get more flexible or miss out on a lot of gatherings and fun!

melpomene · 06/11/2008 19:46

YANBU. Most children this age aren't having a nap any more; unless there are SN issues it shouldn't be a problem to miss a day's nap or delay it by an hour or so.

TheBlonde · 06/11/2008 19:47

YANBU - I wouldn't change the time

Tee2072 · 06/11/2008 19:48

I would say to them sorry you can't be there.

And what the heck is PFB?!?!

Redazzy · 06/11/2008 19:49

Do you think, perchance, that he was a 'she who must not be named' baby?!

On the other hand, if you fancy doing brunch instead as it is easier, you could use this family as the excuse to everyone else!

silverfrog · 06/11/2008 19:51

YANBU.

I have a 4 year old who still has a rest after lunch each day. She is ASD, and likes the familiarity of the routine.

HOWEVER, for any family occasion, she either misses the rest, or has a rest at the host house (if a room can be made suitably safe for her).

There is no way I would ask to move the timing of a lunch.

I have asked (when timings really don't suit) if I can arrive a bit earlier and feed dd before the event (she has to have separate food anyway due to intolerances, which i would never presume someone else would provide for her) so that I can stick to her routine. But again, if this is a problem for any reason, we've worked around it plenty of times.

I cannot believe that anyone would ask this for an NT child, of nearly 4 - surely they can be flexible for one afternoon?!

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