to think that my friend does not owe an apology to this couple?

[frazzledgirl]

She and her DH have been invited to a wedding, several hundred miles away. Couple are loaded, have chosen big swish hotel for ceremony and reception.

On invitation, it says that the reception will cost £30 per head, and 'guests' must also stay in the hotel, so cheap B&B out of the question.

Basically my friends are looking at several hundred pounds to attend this occasion (and that's before presents from the swanky wedding list, outfits etc), but are really worried about offending them by refusing.

AIBU to think that (a) this is utterly grasping and horrible and if you want a big splashy wedding you shouldn't force your friends and family to provide it and (b) my friends do not have to apologise, or indeed say anything other than 'we can't come because we can't afford it' ?

I wonder how they are going to collect the money? Go round the tables at the reception asking for £30 each? Insist on payment in advance? Send the debt collectors round if people come to the wedding but don't cough up???

I'd phone up and say I couldn't come and then ask if they'd sold many tickets

I would just chuck the invite in the bin. I wouldn't even bother replying.

Does anyone else ever wonder how these weddings turn out?

Wish there was a thread... tell us how your "AIBU" Bridezilla got her comeuppance (and not in the way a bride expects )

Or maybe she could phone up and ask for the menu so she can decide whether it's worth shelling out 30 quid for?

Does that Modern Manners column still run in The Times? I think she should send this scenario in!

If I were your friend I would send my "unable to attend" card with a note...saying for a gift a donation has been made to enter charity of choice. Shame the greedy swine for expecting guests to pay!

Oooh definitely ring up and ask how many tickets they have 'sold' so far [evil]

DaisyMooSteiner - I have just emailed you about the racist facebook group - police need copies of saved pages if you still have them?!

The grabbers happy couple might as well just grab some strangers outside the registry office as I think thats the only way they'll have any guests.

Will the parents of the bride and groom, bridesmaids, elderly pensioned relatives etc be expected to pay as well?

If not then the other guests are subsidising the wedding party!

Is your friend expected to send back the invitation with a cheque for £130 (or £160 for two?) attached?

I just don't get it - HOW can anyone be so, so, so, well..... revoltingly grasping?

Are either of them Italian? At Italian weddings, (according to my Italian friend) the guests pay at the end. They don't give presents though.

un-bloody-believable. Still can't get over this thread!!!

frazzled, please keep us updated on proceedings.would love to know how it all goes.

Holy moly. I just re-read the OP and it says that there is a swanky present list AS WELL!!

What is it with people and weddings?

When my brother married an Indian girl we were basically told to bring an envelope of cash for a certain part of the ceremony. I thought, OK I'll stick in £10. My mum and dad (who I might add coughed up £10k towards this wedding) was told by the bride's mother that £150 - £200 would be Ok from siblings!!This despite us having already bought them a very expensive present which they had received already.

Needless to say we didn't get in line (embarassing my poor mum) and they didn't get their envelope (and the MIL has never forgiven us either, probably nor has my SIL!)

I agree with what most people are saying on here. It's incredibly rude. Wouldn't dream of doing the same

So, are we supposed to foot the bill for drinks as well then googgly?? I'm sorry, I disagree with that. If we had to do that at our wedding, we would have been able to afford to have..erm 4 people there!!

have told this to dp and we have agreed we'll definately do this at our wedding.

That should keep the guest numbers and the costs down. Don't think many will turn up

Do they expect guests to help consumate the marriage as well?
Think I'd send an RSVP saying I was too busy cleaning the fluff out of my bellybutton/descaling the cat/reinventing the wheel

I think a lot of perceived vulgarity and rudeness around weddings comes from different cultural expectations and traditions. Not just based on nationality but also on social circle. Some people are outraged about wedding lists, some about bridal showers, some about free bars, bridesmaid's dresses, expensive accomodation, children not being included.... That is why the only appropriate response to any invitation is a polite acceptance or "unable to attend".

This story is so weird in a UK context, and £30 per head could never cover a reception in a swish hotel, so I am guessing it is outside of the UK or perhaps one or both of the happy couple are from elsewhere.

Actually upwind-I agree with you. That post makes a lot of sense.

As someone who has been planning my wedding this year and did a lot of research into different venues I noticed that some venues insist that for exclusive use that you need to book out all the bedrooms as well.
It sounds like this couple have done this but expect there guests to pay them back.

I'm a bit at being told they HAVE TO stay there, we are getting married quite a distance away from where we live and although it would be easier to organise everyone if we were all in the one hotel I would never dream on telling them they must, how bossy, rude and completely bridezilla!

I just don't get it.

The OP says they are loaded and the hotel is very swish...well even if you get £30 off eg 100 guests, it only makes £3000 which is not likely to make a sizeable dent in the cost of such a wedding (food at ours 7 years ago was fab but about £50 a head).

However, from the responses on here, it looks as though it is universally considered unacceptable behaviour, and so it will make a sizeable dent in the number of friends they have as they embark on married life.

say you have just realised you've got another prior engagement after all, you are going to a free wedding.
Send them a toaster/and/or book on etiquette and wish them all the best for their future. tight gits!

And people think I'm odd for declining Mr Inferior's various suggestions of matrimony...

To be honest, I think most will attend, so as not to "offend" the bridal couple.

At the end of the day, you have a choice:

A) You swallow some camels, accept the cost, go to the wedding as it is a one off and not likely to be ever repeated (by the same people) and keep the friendship for foreseable future, or;

B) You take offence (cant blame you), You dont go and will no longer be in this circle of friends.

Faced with the options, most will chose A, rise above the grasping request for £30 measly pounds, as it is not so much more in the whole scheme of things, and snigger to themselves that they are SO MUCH BETTER and have SO MUCH MORE CLASS.

That is my opinion.