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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my PIL have never taken a photo of my children

41 replies

ooohtututnaughtyme · 05/11/2008 09:48

They have a camera, yet they have never taken a photo of my children, not even when they were born. I'm i being unreasonable to think that's strange and to be upset by this?

I politely approached the subject once and asked my MIL if they have a camera (when i was showing her some photo's i'd taken of the children) she replied she really must bring it round sometime and take some. She did say my FIL was the one who took the photo's as she was no good at taking them. Is that really an excuse to never take any photo's of their grandchildren She occassionally asks me to send her some that i've taken, which i do for my parents too, but they also take thir own.

To top it all she has now asked that for her christmas present she would like a framed picture of my children because she doesn't have an up to date one.

OP posts:
compo · 05/11/2008 09:50

yabu
it's entirely up to them
I hate it when my pil visit and fil spends all his time behind a video camera instead of actually interacting with the kids
And you have a perfect xmas preset for her every year so you don't have to think of anything else
Sounds great to me, sometimes people complain about things just to have something to complain about

wingandprayer · 05/11/2008 09:52

My MIL takes photos of kids all the time because we bought her a digital camera for her birthday. The three other sets of GP's don't take any photos and ask for copies of one's we have or we'll give them albums of the year for Christmas. Your MIL wants photos, your FIL has said he's not good with a camera - some people arent. No reflection on how much they care for your DC's.

YABU sorry.

ghosty · 05/11/2008 09:52

Rise above it.
The only photos my PsIL have are ones we have given them. Life's too short.
Honestly.
x

pagwatch · 05/11/2008 09:52

i have a husband who loves his children dearly. we are a close loving family. he loves me. our children are quite beautiful too.they are everything to him.

He never ever takes photos. Doesn't ever really seem bothered. the only photos he has ever taken of me and when i have had to ask him. and i have taken just about every photo of our kids.

For some people it is just not a thing. I think you are reading waaayyyy to much into it. It is just the way they are by the sound of it.

jlh69 · 05/11/2008 09:53

Don't think it's that strange to be honest. Prob a generational thing. My Mum is rubbish at taking pictures so doesn't and my Dad only does when Mum tells him too. We on the other hand have millions of pictures, way too many. Mum is always asking me to send them some- I did a CD for her teh other day so she can put them on her new computer (although I can't imagine whe'll manage it . I will give her and MIL a nice framed pic of DD at Xmas.

jlh69 · 05/11/2008 09:53

Shocking typos- sorry

wb · 05/11/2008 09:54

It is normal to take pics of your grandchildren but your PiL's attitude is not that unusual either tbh. My PiL adore our children, see them regularly, spend ages playing with them, babysitting etc but we still supply 99% of the pics - and FiL is a keen amateur photographer!

The important thing is that they want pics of their grandchildren, and they do, don't they?

willthisdo · 05/11/2008 09:55

Some people just aren't photo takers. DH and I aren't and we have to make an effort to remeber to take photots of our own children! Its strange because I love looking at them and love looking at other peoples photos.

It drives my mum mad (she a big photo taker) as I keep going to the weddings of old school friends and coming away without a single pic!

Send them the photo. They'll love it!

VinegarTits · 05/11/2008 09:55

YABU not everyone remembers to be armed with the camera, and their generation tend not to be as 'techie' with these things, she has asked for a photo of them so obviously its not because she deosnt want to have photos of them, your over reacting.

noonki · 05/11/2008 09:57

YABU - how many photos does he have of his kids? probably not into it,

My FIL has only seen my DS2 once in two years and has no photos or interest in him at all

Littlefish · 05/11/2008 09:57

I think you're being unreasonable. It's frankly, quite a silly thing for you to be getting so worked up about.

My PILs absolutely adore my dd and see her very regularly. They ask regularly for pictures of dd, but almost never take any themselves. It would never, ever occur to me to feel slighted or upset by this.

glitterchick · 05/11/2008 09:59

YANBU - My FIL and MIL are divorced so they are never with kids at same time. MIL never stops taking photos - even if it means with a disposable camera! FIL has never taken a photo - EVER. It did upset me to begin with but don't care now. My own parents have about 20,000 photos of the kids. I basically see it as my FIL's loss. My FIL left my DH and his brothers when they were little kids and moved to a different country to be with his mistress who he went on to marry. When he couldnt be bothered to stick with his own kids he's hardly going to take photos of mine!

ZacharyQuack · 05/11/2008 10:00

YABU. Let it go, it's really not worth dwelling on.

AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 10:04

YABU. It is much better for them to interact with the DCs while they are visiting than be behind a cameral lens. My DCs grandparents never take photo's-they don't need to as I supply them with loads.

snowleopard · 05/11/2008 10:09

Mine don't either, but I only realised that when I saw this thread! They are pretty hands-off and not very involved with DS - they love him and do send presents, but they kind of can't really be bothered with him when we visit. I suppose I just accept that. Ut does mean we can send them photos as presents so that solves a present-buying dilemma.

My uncle and aunt OTOH are so snap-happy they never put the camera down, and they send an unstoppable tide of photos of their own grandchildren all the time. My PILs' attitude is less hassle tbh.

Original poster
ooohtututnaughtyme · 05/11/2008 10:11

I am shocked, yet strangely comforted by the amount of grandparents that don't take photo's.

OP posts:
QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 10:11

YABU.

My inlaws think it my responsibility to keep them with photographs. Bringing a camera round and just snap would not be natural. What they want are snaps made spontaneously when a nice/fun/special event happens, like nice shots from your holiday, or something you did together, accompanied by a story. They dont want to make a picture of a child sitting on a sofa looking at the camera.

babymt · 05/11/2008 10:38

My MIL doesn't take pictures full stop. Neither does my nan. Alot of old people aren't into cameras the way the younger generation are. I mean I take loads on my camera and on my phone.

Anyway I print photos regularly for them and other relatives and they're both always asking for them. And for MIL I email them.

It kinda annoys me that I'm the one shelling out the costs of printing them all the time but they are always so grateful I carry on doing it.

I wouldn't get upset about it. At least your MIL asks for some pics to put up so its not like she doesn't care or want pics.

joyfuleyes · 05/11/2008 11:32

I don't think it's worth getting upset about (it doesn't sound like they're disinterested in the children), it is a bit odd but then we're blessed with involved, doting grandparents/great-grandparents on both sides. My grandmother (nearly 90 now) is a fabulous photographer & takes beautiful portraits of the children, I cherish them because she's the photographer.

It's really handy too. We have very few pictures/no video from when dd was very little whereas PIL have pretty much every milestone & event documented with pictures, videos & notes. I'll have to borrow their albums at some point & fill in the baby books which are sat empty & gathering dust.

AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 11:32

I think it is a generation thing. My parents and PIL never took many photos ever.

PottyCock · 06/11/2008 07:38

My 'david bailey' mil takes photos of her dog about ten time per day and is famous for forcing everyone in to a 'line up' at family gatherings, and she has not once taken a snap of dd (now 11mo). I actually think that's really weird.

BroccoliSpears · 06/11/2008 07:50

YABU. Your inlaws visit and show interest in your children AND want a lovely picture of them up in your house and you are winging about them? Poor fuckers have no hope of getting it right really, have they? Calm down and find something worth thinking about.

MrsTitchmarsh · 06/11/2008 08:01

YANBU - my PILs are exactly the same (infact even BILs/SILs are the same!), I just don't understand it. They don't even own cameras though, never have, there is only about 3 photos existing of dp's childhood My family all own decent cameras and see it as an important aspect of life. I couldn't care less that they don't take photos however but what does annoy me is them having a go at me constantly because they want a recent picture of the kids for their wall grrrr.

Eddas · 06/11/2008 08:02

my mil never takes photos of her gc. Don't find it weird tbh. She loves getting photos of them, just doesn't take them. Never really ocurred to me that she didn't until now

My dad however does take photos but you never see any of them up in the house but then that's down to step-mother being the child catcher and the fact that my children are cute and would make pics of her and her kids(which are everywhere) look bad there are no photos of us either(my dads children) but that's another story......

so YABU. don't be precious

Bucharest · 06/11/2008 08:10

Their loss.
Mine haven't either. (or ever bought a birthday or Christmas present.)
I figure that when my dd is old enough to wonder why, and ask why, then they'll get their karma.