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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dislike people who tell me my DCs should not be scared of their dog?

92 replies

onthewarpath · 04/11/2008 14:31

It is now happening pretty much every time we go to a park.
One of the best one was the one who said (not letting go of her mobile conversation) that I should "just ignore" her boxer dog barking at me. At the time I hade one Dc in pushchair and another one screaming with fear on my shoulders. Did not manage to ignore and shouted at her . AIBU? Several similar incident before/since and I am always made to feel in the wrong by dog owners.

OP posts:

newgirl · 04/11/2008 14:35

this happens to us too! i like lots of dogs but lots of owners are happy for their dogs to run around the park when they are on the other side - to a 2 year old most dogs are enormous! i find myself saying 'dont worry he looks a friendly dog' and im beginning to think that one of these days im going to have to kick one away, which the owners wont like much!

notnowbernard · 04/11/2008 14:35

I'd be pissed off with the scenario you described

But think yab a bit u to get riled with an owner who genuinely is trying to reassure a frightened dc... most dogs aren't frightening

SoupDragon · 04/11/2008 14:36

Would you prefer them to tell you you should be sh*t scared and to run for your lives?

SoupDragon · 04/11/2008 14:37

the boxer was barking, not mauling anyone.

OrmIrian · 04/11/2008 14:37

lol soupdragon.

scouserabroad · 04/11/2008 14:39

yanbu, even if it doesn't bite it's not nice having a dog barking at you, especially with small children around.

Cammelia · 04/11/2008 14:39

Dog-centrics

deanychip · 04/11/2008 14:40

ahhh NO you are not bieng unreasonable. This drives me fucking mad!
"Its ok, he is only bieng friendly" does NOT mean its ok for a dog to come bounding over to me and my small child off the lead.
"ignore him" does NOT make it ok that we cant pass on the path becasue the dog is straining cms away from us trying to jump up, bark and get to us.
It is NOT ok for us to inch around said dog thereby stepping in piles of dog shit in the grass that someone cant be arsed to pick up.
Nope, i agree with you yaNbu.

newgirl · 04/11/2008 14:41

has anyone noticed that there seem to be more mad looking boxer dogs around these days - what happened to lovely labradors etc? and why do the owners of boxers all seem to wear pink trackies and ugg boots? owners with quilted gilets always seem to have more control somehow

pagwatch · 04/11/2008 14:43

I never say 'don't be frightened' but i would reassure an older child that he is a gentle dog.

But tbh my dog is rarely near kids off the lead .
I have had people call out to my terrified son that he shouldn't be frightened which, considering he has very little receptive language is notthat helpful

One woman let her dog run at my son and shouted for him "not to be silly".
I told her that my son couldn't understand her and if she didn't get her dog under control I would drop kick silly little fucking thing.
Funnily enough she was then imediately able to regain control

deanychip · 04/11/2008 14:44

LOL at drop kick the silly fucker

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/11/2008 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noonki · 04/11/2008 14:44

YANBU but I would look into ways to get over your phobia, as you will probably pass it on to your kids, and as an dog owner the poor child most likely to be chased is the one running away screaming.

sunnygirl1412 · 04/11/2008 14:45

Considering the relative sizes of a little one in a buggy and a boxer dog, I don't blame the little one at all for being scared at something so big (to them) barking at him/her - so I'm not sure that the fact that the dog was only barking made a whole lot of difference to the child, SoupDragon.

If a dog's behaviour is scaring a child, then surely a responsible dog-owner should intervene - move the dog away or quieten it down - perhaps even get the dog to lie down quietly so the child/ren can see that the dog can be nice and not scary. Carrying on with a phone conversation and ignoring the distress the dog was causing doesn't seem like responsible behaviour to me.

Onthewarpath - I hope that your dc's meet some nice dogs so that they can see that dogs can be lovely, playful, friendly companions, not just scary barking creatures. Perhaps you could explain to them that just as some children are naughty and don't get told off for it, some dogs are naughty and their owners don't tell them off, but this doesn't mean that all dogs are nasty or badly behaved.

sunnygirl.

Cammelia · 04/11/2008 14:45

But then you see, I think being frightened of dogs is completely natural.

scouserabroad · 04/11/2008 14:45

This is going to sound bad but is it ever ok to kick a dog? There are two small dogs near us who always bark and / or growl at people walking past, they have often attacked other dogs but never people, up to now. I have never touched them but would love to scare them sh*tless, as they terrify my DDs.

AnarchyAunt · 04/11/2008 14:45

We-ell...

Its rude to let dogs bark at people who are obviously scared. Our dog isn't allowed off lead in parks for exactly this reason, even though he is absolutely lovely and very friendly and good with children.

But children should be encouraged to like dogs, who are after all part of life. DD has been taught never ever to scream if a dog bothers her as it is likely to make things worse. Barking is not necessarily aggressive, its usually excitement, and shouting or screaming makes the dog think you are joining in. Its safer for children to be know how to behave around dogs.

I am not accusing OP of this, but I do have friends who 'encourage' their dc's fear of dogs through fuss and attention. Maybe validate is a better word. Anyway its inadvisable, they should be helped to get over fears in a calm matter of fact way and given practical knowledge on what to do if a dog is being genuinely aggressive.

andiem · 04/11/2008 14:46

lol at pag

andie has visions of dog flying through air to be caught and run with by other park users

deanychip · 04/11/2008 14:46

stewie i disagree it is not a silly fear, i have an absolute petrified terror shitting myself fear of dogs big or small.

I DONT want my son to pick up on this and the ils have a dog so he gets to know about them and spend time in the company of one.

Original poster

onthewarpath · 04/11/2008 14:49

Soupdragon I was expecting her to call her dog back.Is thast really to much to ask. Or should I have kicked it for it to live us alone???( only I am not very good at hurting animals...) The thread was one exemple . I have got more, plenty more in fact. One when a dog actually pushed Ds2 in a pool of mud , owner did not even say sorry and left. I could not go after her because I was trying to comfort my DS.

OP posts:

chegirl · 04/11/2008 14:50

I dont think you are being unreasonable in the scenerio you mentioned. There are an awful lot of dog owners about who know nothing about dogs and wouldnt have dreamed of having one before they became a fashion item. I too wonder where all the other breeds have gone and the mongrols that are NOT part staffie, part pit bull. Where are all the lovely collie, lab crosses?

I went to battersea dogs home last year. The ONLY dogs there were staffie and staffie crosses and the odd jack russell. How sad is that

I did used to get a bit miffed when I walked my tiny little old mut along the street and small children would run screaming into the road in fear. Their mums seemed to prefer them to get run over than go within a foot of my dog. I found that a bit odd. In that case I would have said 'there is no need to be scared of my (blind, deaf, 100 year old) dog (who is the size of a ferret and poses less danger than the average snail)'

pagwatch · 04/11/2008 14:50

scouser
I would nothave kicked the dog of course. My point was to get the owner to take some responsibility for her dog.Which she did imediately.
the fact that she thought I would was all that was needed. I am a scary bitch
I absoutely would kick a dog that was attacking my child - or do anything else I needed to do.

My son has special needs.
Anyone who thinks he should be taught to cope with big dogs running at him is welcome to come to my house any time and teach him. Seriously. Any time!!

pagwatch · 04/11/2008 14:51

andie
between the bars of course. Its getting them to rotate in the air to compensate for the angle that is the real talent

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/11/2008 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noonki · 04/11/2008 14:54

Just re-read and its not your fear but your kids,

then you deffo need to start getting them used to dogs unless you want to set them up for a lifetime of avoiding parks/countryside/houses with dogs in.

My DS1 was scared of dogs that weren't ours for about 6 months so we spent a lot of time talking about dogs and how to treat them and understand them so that they understand you.

Unless the dog is jumping up at you, is barking at you without being restrained , or has it off it's lead in a 'lead zone' then I'm afraid it's your problem not the owners.

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