To dislike people who tell me my DCs should not be scared of their dog?

[onthewarpath]

It is now happening pretty much every time we go to a park.
One of the best one was the one who said (not letting go of her mobile conversation) that I should "just ignore" her boxer dog barking at me. At the time I hade one Dc in pushchair and another one screaming with fear on my shoulders. Did not manage to ignore and shouted at her . AIBU? Several similar incident before/since and I am always made to feel in the wrong by dog owners.

Do you do anything to help your children overcome thier fear of dogs? Dogs aren't going anywhere, and it must be terribly hard being scared of something that such a large percentage of the population reagrd as a totally normal.

Although i take your point, i still dont think that silly is a fair description.

My son is also terrified of dogs (he's 4). I don't think it's a silly fear, as they are often the same size as he is, but I do try to keep calm and tell him he's OK, the doggie is just being friendly, or whatever. Problem is that I am also a bit scared of them but I really try hard not to show this! If it's an aggressive looking dog or off its lead then we avoid it, or I pick my son up. I know the chance of a dog attacking him is pretty slim but I'm not taking the chance when there's a Rottweiler or a Staffie running round unrestrained. And I would happily kick the living shit out of any dog that even attempted to harm my children :/

Fera is actually a reasonable response to perceived danger.

Fear

Deany, could you get some help to overcome your own fear? It might really help you to help your LO.

Cammelia, Agree, but when your fear gets in the way of living a happy normal life surely it is a problem? If I couldn't relax in a park for fear of dogs then I would consider that a real problem andwould want to sort it out so as not to pass the problem on to my children.

Hmm. DD is terrified of dogs. We are at our wits end as to how we can encourage her out of this (especially as we would consider having a dog ourselves - would that help?)

We have tried ignoring, tried the "don't be daft" approach, but nothing helps.

It has to be on her terms - in a way i understand as most dogs are "large" in her eyes.

I think it is nice people take the time to reassure however it doesn't help (nor hinder) but i feel like saying "doesn't matter how kind/lovely your dog is, she's still gonna freak".

I don't think that small children being afraid of dogs is something one needs to devote a lot of effort to overcoming. Mine (4 and 2) are, as are most of the others I know who don't have dogs themselves. Dd is scared of pretty much anything that makes a loud noise - trains, large drills, walkie talkies - not because she thinks they'll hurt her, just because she's scared. She'll just grow out of it in time I'm sure.

I have to say almost all the dog owners we've encountered have been considerate to the children's fear, reassuring but not dismissive. But I also know a boy who was seriously injured by a dog off the lead in a park.

Fear of a dog in a young child is not silly - there are far sillier phobias out there IMO. And, no, I am not scared of dogs.

Also chegirl: "I did used to get a bit miffed when I walked my tiny little old mut along the street and small children would run screaming into the road in fear. Their mums seemed to prefer them to get run over than go within a foot of my dog. I found that a bit odd."
How ridiculous! For most of her life my DD would have run screaming into the road at even such a small dog, had I not either picked her up or kept a very firm grip on her wrist. So, of course, I did that.

I did not want to have a daughter who was scared of dogs - and my son isn't. My DD was scared of lots of moving, noisy things - the hoover, the radio controlled car, cats, dogs, ferret on a ball toy thing etc. Now at 4 she has got over lots of this gradually. She is no longer bothered by the hoover - this is a gradual thing whereby she would sit on her bed while I hoovered until now she will just walk past it. We have a kitten which has helped vastly with her fear of even much bigger cats. When we first got this tiny, darting, 6wo fluffball though she said she was scared and wanted her to go back. She is getting better with dogs, and no longer freezes or panics but will usually swap hands with me on the pavement to place me between her and the dog. She has also petted dogs in the right situation.

yanbu

dd(xn) used to be terrified of dogs. used to hate people who made out I was daft

Alarkaspree, it would be a tough fear to be lumbered with into adulthood though, don't you think? I would want to make sure my child overcame the fear rather than hoping she grew out of it.

people should control their bloody dogs. If it doesn't obey instantly either come here or stop barking its out of control and should be on a lead.

don't kick the poor dog, kick the stupid owner

My Dc are not scared of dogs a on a leash on the way to school, in fact they often ask if they can srtoke them . The problem really is in parks because dog owners (Not all of them , only the ones I tend to meet) think that because it is a park, it is alright to let their 4 legged friend loose and that children, not only mine, should just cope with it. If I was letting my DCs jump on a dog in the park, I am pretty certain that the owner would think it is out of order. Needmorecoffee I could not agree more If the owner can't control the dog it should be on a leach.
We once were having a family picnic, now that was a funny one, a dog kept on coming, probably intersted in the food, DH kept on shooing the dog who kept coming back. the owner was about 20 yards away, faintly calling his dog. The dog could not care less of course. DCs (2 and 4 at the time) started to be a bit upset by the animal running arroud us barking so DH said to the man (Ironically) "Do you want me to catch it for you?" The man said "Yes please". Not sure that man should have had a dog at all.

YANBU at all , i have a big dog ,smaller than a great dane ,bigger than a lab and where i walk him off lead ,if i see or hear a child ,i get him to come to me and put him on the lead for the 5 minutes that it tkes to walk past . He doesnt bark ,lick or jump up ,but i appreciate that not everyone loves him like i do. I also have a horse who is very good with children ,they can wander underneath her ,play with her tail ,pat her etc without her batting an eyelid ,would i take her to my local park and let her off for a quick run round and approach people in an inqusitive way ,no i bloody wouldnt because some adults for reasons i cannot fathom are scared of half a ton of docile animal approaching them , i mean really just because the horse is bigger than them ,tsk

yanbu as any dog that barks can be intimidating for young children, especially if they are a large dog too.

we have a mad but very soft 4 year old lab, who is great with children, he has to be as he was only a puppy when dd1 was born!

What I don't like as a dog owner, is when I'm out with my dd's and dog and see parents crossing to the other side of the street, saying to their children to keep away from the dangerous dog. I would not have a dangerous dog and children, surely they must realise this and that they are imprinting their fears and phobias onto their children.

Not all dogs are dangerous, but on the other hand I've seen that all not all dog owners are responsible.

yes, I get this all the time.

Some dog-owners think they're performing a public service, letting their dogs dribble over/frighten/cover in hair/breath dog breath over your children.

You see? they think, you survived that and you're alright, therefore you're wrong about dogs.

Riiiiiight.

chegirl
I know what you mean...
I understand that many children are frightened (I used to be after being attacked by a German Shepard when I was a child - my dd used to be scared too)
Its not right when dog owners let their dogs behave in a way that children would find frightening.
BUT I hate when parents see my dogs, and pull their children away (I have a small fluffy dog, and a very gentle greyhound). There was one mum who would always do this - her boy, who was about 8 would be looking longingly at the dogs, wanting to stroke them, and the mum was almost pulling his arm off to get him away.
I don't think it was allergies or whatever, as eventually she gave up, and he was allowed to pet the dogs.

I had one old bastard gent tell dd1 she was a very stupid girl bacause she was frightened of his v v tall muscular dog

I ended up bawling him out in front of passers by It is so not like me,he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I had had several dog owners tell me the same in the same day and he was the last straw.

No YANBU

Children overcome their fear of dogs (which is probably quite an instinctive one) by seeing that dogs are under control and well-behaved. A dog who is being allowed to bark or dribble at a child uninvited, is not well-behaved and under control, is it? So therefore it reinforces a child's impression of this animal as being unpredictable and scary. When a dog behaves predictably, ie responds to a call to heel by a responsible dog owner, it reassures a child that there's nothing to be scared of. Allow your dog to jump about and / or bark at a child, and YOU are reinforcing fear of dogs - you are causing the problem.

So many dog owners are so selfish and irresponsible, I don't think anyone should be allowed to own a dog without attending dog obedience training and paying a whacking great licence fee - at least as much as for a TV.

YANBU - the dog owner is - a lot of them are completely mad anyway - when the DC were small made sure I always had a stick with me, and if any of those 'friendly' dogs had come to near i would have given them the business end of it. Many dog owners are, sadly, completely selfish and ignorant.

I love dogs, used to be a vet nurse. I have always had them. But I wouldnt let my child run up to an unknown dog. I would therefore prefer unknown dogs not to be allowed to run up to my children.

My point about the children running into the road may have been misunderstood - I am not sure Bozza? The incidents I am talking about are children running into the road and the parents obviously thinking this is a safer option than just leading their child past a very small dog on a lead. Not children slipping away from their parents in a moment of panic.

Childrens fears are not silly and we should try our best to understand them. Of course dogs can be scarey if you are not used to them. The trouble is that they are everywhere and most of them are fine. Kids get a lot from being with animals (actually one of mine gets a big swollen head if hes not careful!)

I am sure we used to be more tolerant of dogs before the status thing happened. It started when I was a vet nurse with German Shepards then it went - dobermans, rotties, pit bulls , staffies. Whats next I wonder Wolf/Lizard/Akita hybreds?

'So many dog owners are so selfish and irresponsible' - What about the children owners who are selfish and irresponsible - I get thoroughly fed up of people who either let their children jump all over my dog whilst shouting and squealing or people who scoop up their children and encourage their fear.