To dislike people who tell me my DCs should not be scared of their dog?

[onthewarpath]

It is now happening pretty much every time we go to a park.
One of the best one was the one who said (not letting go of her mobile conversation) that I should "just ignore" her boxer dog barking at me. At the time I hade one Dc in pushchair and another one screaming with fear on my shoulders. Did not manage to ignore and shouted at her . AIBU? Several similar incident before/since and I am always made to feel in the wrong by dog owners.

I have never come across any of these irresponsible parents, but I agree that anyone who allows their kids to do this to a dog is insane.

I don't have a problem with people picking up their own children though.

Scooping up your children isn't necessarily encouraging their fear. It's reassuring them that they are safe. And I don't think you can reasonably say that a parent's duty to dissipate fear of dogs overrides the duty to comfort and reassure. In fact, a reassured, comforted child is far more likely to be ready to get acquainted with the dog when they feel safe, than one whose fear goes unacknowledged and uncomforted.

YANBU.
My mum has 2 dogs, one of them very large. When in public they are both on the lead. If they go out to woods, beach etc only 1 comes of his lead as he will always return straight away.

It is horrible that some people have fears of dogs as most dogs are wonderful and very friendly but it is owners like the person you describe that give people these fears.

A problem my Mum has a lot though is people bringing their kids over to look at her dog(He is a Leonberger, a lot like a St Bernard) and many people have never seen a dog that big. He is a friendly dog who loves being stroked and unfortuntly if he sniffs a small child he can sometimes knock them over. But people never ask if its ok for them to bring their little children over to stroke him, they just do it.

I agree with bella. Just doing nothing is hardly going to help the child get over the fear.

I undersand the fear of dogs and if i have my dog off the lead and children (apart from mine!) are around thten he goes straight back on.

i also a[[reciate that big dogs are scarier, i have a bullmasttif - you cant get much bgger and i am always aware of ppl fearing him - even though i know he is a softy, he is also clumsy and will knock into ppl/things if not under control.

most dog owners that i meet are responsible and would not let thteir dog run over to a child, i certainly wouldnt, but i do think childre and parents who are scared could get some help with thteir fear - as dogs are a big part of british society and arent going anywhere.

I've never experienced anything like this at all, and find dog owners take care to keep their dogs under control. DS got bitten by an overexcited dog once that he was running away from screaming, but the owner was doing his best to get the dog back. The running away screaming part was def the reason the dog got so excited, which is why I spend quite a lot of time trying to get dcs comfortable with dogs (and am thinking of getting one of our own).

I agree with mumjoanne that it is very annoying when kids approach my dogs, but I also wholeheatedly agree with the OP. As a kid, I was unbelievably scared of dogs - I don't know why. Now I love them.

"but the owner was doing his best to get the dog back"

This is what I mean. People need dog obedience classes. A properly trained dog comes back as soon as s/he's called - first time.

I must admit I do find parents who let their kids persecute dogs loons - my kids know that they are not allowed to say hello to dogs or pat them or stroke them, until they've asked the owner first. It's just good manners apart from anything else, the owner might be in a hurry and not have time to stand around while your kids stroke and pet their dog.

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread but I just wanted to add 'my bit'.

I am 34 and have a dog 'phobia'. Not really scared as such, although not very happy around dogs. I was bitten as a child. It has been the bain (sp?) of my life. I hate feeling this way, I even had hypnotherapy to try and help (helped a bit...I can now stay overnight at a couple of friend's houses who have dogs). I am determined not to pass on my phobia to my DDs (6 months and 2.5yrs old). I have gone out of my way to stroke dogs (which is really hard for me to do) etc to show DD1 how lovely animals are etc etc.

The way we walk to her CM is past a common where loads of people walk their dogs and people are always saying 'does she want to stroke him/her(dog!)?' And I never know what to say. I don't want to be rude but I don't really want my DD going around stroking random dogs.

I was feeling more confident around dogs...until a friends 2 year old was bittne in the face by their family labrador . Now I am more nervous again.

So I suppose, YANBU. I don't like being told that I shouldn't be scared of a dog. However, at the same time, I can see how the owner is just trying to reassure you/DC.

Sorry, bit off the subject there...

MrsGuy, Waving a stick at a dog is a great way to encourage attention from a dog that might otherwise have left you alone. Many dogs would see you with a stick and think - there's someone who obviously wants to play.
Not the smartest move.

I can remember at university in Psych studying how monkeys know to be afraid of snakes even though no monkey had been hurt by a snake in their group for generations. The parents of small monkeys whisk the baby monkeys up as soon as a snake appears. The nest time, the baby monkey runs to the mother and the mother reinforces the fear response by again picking up the baby. You can actually teach a monkey to be afraid of flowers by picking it up every time it sees a flower.

Sorry should clarify, I'm not saying children are afraid of dogs because their parents taught them to be, but if you do pick your child up to comfort them, it is important that you then make an effort to show them that the fear they are demonstrating is unfounded. Maybe by bending down to stroke the dog while still comforting the child.

Totally agree bubbaluv

(Only with owner's permission of course!)

The child then strokes the dog while being comforted - good positive re-inforcing messages.

There's a world of difference between dog-owners who kindly invite a child to stroke their dog and those who impose their dogs upon a child willy nilly.

Just teaching your child to get rid of the unreasonable fear isn't necessarily going to help in RL.

My ds was not at all afraid of dogs (I'd done a good job on him ).

-It won't jump up on you, said the elderly lady in the park the other week.

Whereupon the dog promptly jumped up and bit him on the leg.

-Oh, it only got his trousers, said the lady to her husband and walked off briskly without even asking ds if he was ok.

I don't see how either ds or our parenting created that situation or could have prevented it. Fortunately he is a big boy of 8, so the dog didn't reach very far. A younger child might have been hurt, and would certainly have been very frightened.

I told ds that I thought the owners were totally out of order and that it was lucky that he was a big boy who isn't scared of dogs.

might have been badly hurt. Ds was bruised and his trousers torn.

well YA and YAN (she says decisively). dogs do need to be run off the lead to get enough exercise. but i always call our dog back to me if i see a small child and dont let him go up to them - he is a lab and utterly soppy, but like many labs he actively likes small children (we have a toddler ds) and will go bouncing up to them given a chance -while he doesn't mean any harm i realise it is scary to small children who aren't used to it.
but i usually say simultaneously 'dont worry he wont hurt you' so the owners know i haven't recalled him because he is a rabid maniac and their dc dont think dogs are dangerous. people whose dogs won't reliably come away when called shouldn't be walking them off the lead frankly unless they are a puppy being trained.
what really makes me furious is disgusting antisocial owners who dont pick up after their dogs (having spent half of yesterday afternoon hosing dogshit off ds's wellies - very much NOT our dog's).

There are a lot of dog threads about at the mo'.

YANBU in the scenario you describe - I don't think even dog lovers would say you were.

But dogs do get a bad rep. We have a loopy Weimaraner who is lovely and really likes kids. Just the other day she was lolliping along, minding her own business when a little boy (maybe 3?) and his dad walked up behind her and the boy put his arms around her - all friendly like. My dog was caught a bit off guard but looked around, saw someone who was about the same height as her and thought this is fab! She gave him the biggest lick up his face which made him fall about in giggles and the dad smiled. I was mortified as I thought I was about to get shopped to the park rangers or police or someone, until I noticed the dad's reaction. I then called her back - apologised whilst smiling - and he said not to worry. The kid then wanted to play with my dog and I had to drag her away from him.

I wish more dads took their kids for walks rather than mums as I do find that men seem to be less anti-dog and suspicious of every dog in the park. Or else I wish that mums realised it's not ONLY their park - we all share it together.

That said if the dog is aggressive when off the lead or can't be controlled then the owners should get obedience lessons (as we are doing ourselves, as even our mutt gets over excited sometimes and won't come back every time she is called).

Cory, I do understand exactly what you mean. If the child has not be bitten until a bit of blood shows it is not "that bad"?!
Chegirl mentionned "the status thing" what is it? does it refer to dog ownwer or dog breeds...? BTW thanks to all the responsable dog owners I do no they are plenty of them. I do not think park is only mine and my children Boobz, generally if I see that my child is ennoying someone or about to, I would call him/her or go and get them if it was not enough. I might be expecting too much of people thinking that they could just do the same when it is their dog. A lot of people think by doing nothing and let the dog bark/jump they are helping, when in fact it just reenforce in scared children that people do not care. The stigma of not being taken seriously will be far worse on the child than the stigma a dog might experience if called back IMO.

It is quite, quite normal and healthy for a small child to be frightened of dogs who they do not know. Dog owners who protest otherwise are unreasonable.

Dogs, children, these are not the same

Not comparing children to dogs, just similar situations.

I wonder if part of DD being less afraid of dogs now, is that she is getting bigger so the dogs don't tend to loom so large anymore.

I do find it annoying when people let their dogs jump up at DS3, who is only 4 and clearly quakes with fear when a dog comes near him. We were on the beach at Brid last week and someone's Jack Russell jumped up at him, and then at me. Obviously a pretty small and harmless dog to me, but its claws were quite sharp, so he would definitely have felt them too, and it was barking its head off! He had been getting a bit better with dogs, but I fear we are right back to square 1 now.

He has autism, and is non-verbal, so I can't explain to him that most dogs are fine, really.

Not read all of thread, but agree with OP.

It would be lovely to go out for a lovely family walk without constantly looking out for dogs off leads.

This topic seems to come up on MN at least once a week. I'm a dog owner and a parent and I would like to think I take my responsibilities seriously. The idea that dogs absolutely must have off-lead exercise is a bit of a fallacy: my dog (terrier) has an 8m lead for field walks and gets 2 hrs exercise per day. He's happy. He is controlled and not allowed to randomly approach other dogs or people. My children are also not allowed to randomly approach dogs or other people. My children have learnt to treat our dog respectfully. They know enough about dogs to be wary of strange dogs, but are not scared of them. It makes me cross when other people allow their dogs to bound over and annoy my dog and knock over my children. It annoys me equally as much when other people allow their children to run up and attempt to stroke or poke my dog without asking first. There are crap dog-owners and crap parents. Only way to avoid both is to move to an uninhabited desert island.