To stop my DS going on playdates at house of a smoker

[babykicks]

My DS goes to my neighbours about once a month to play with her kids. He really enjoys it and is in the same class as one of the DC. I did not know that she smoked in the same room when he is there. AIBU to stop him going?

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with that either. Maybe you could arrange to meet up with her children somewhere neutral or have them over to yours instead?

dunno what I'd think. I've never known anyone who smokes indoors. Does he come back stinky?

I have'nt noticed.

I think, if he enjoys going, the risk is very, very small. I would not worry about it. If they were shooting up heroin yes, the odd fag no.

YANU to dislike it, but it is being a bit precious to stop him going completely.

I don;t smoke, and don;t like my children being near smokers but I could never stop them visiting their friends because of it.

YABU - it's only once a month.

Assuming he doesn't have asthma or whatever, once a month won't harm him. Think about traffic fumes.

I wouldnt like it either and have left a friends house because she lit up in the kitchen (while my son was running around and I was pregnant. To be honest I probably would stop my kids from going if not for the risks etc but because I dont want my kids seeing it as cool, even though I know at some point they will.....

I assume you don't smoke? Neither do I and I would not be happy in your situation. Why not have them play at yours instead. Maybe the other kids will get a positive message that not all parents do smoke. I do think it is rude if people smoke in front of non-smoking guests.

It's going to be a very small physical risk, but I agree with mumof2 - it's more about other factors. What does it say about a parent who lights up while kids are playing around them?

I used to take my kids into the occasional pub when they were younger. I don't see the harm if it is only every now and again (as you say maybe every month or so) unless he has underlying health issues.

Ok so I didn't finish the first sentence - lol! It was meant to say when pubs were still smoky. It would only be for short times though.

Hmm, I am a smoker as is dh, but we don't smoke at home (in doors). I wouldn't be happy about my children being in the same room as someone smoking but then I am a complete hypocrite as my dad used to smoke 20+ a day and smoked in the house and car around us! That said, he died in March of a heart attack, so he did worse out of it than we did

Once a month? I think I could let that slide tbh. I doubt the parent is chain smoking the whole time...

Also, from another perspective, I would have been mortified as a child if my friends weren't allowed to play at my house because of my dad. But, we knew less about the dangers back then, so perhaps my friends' parents didn't care or all smoked as well, who knows!!

How many of us were regularly exposed to smoke throughout our childhoods? Most I would venture. And yet most of us are alright.

From a health point of view I don't think once a month exposure is going to make any difference to a normally healthy child. You prpbably do more damage if you let him walk outside during rush hour.

If you stop him going and he looses a friend that will probably have worse effects than the smoke.

Its a really inflammatory subject isn't it? My father in law smoked over me once when I was pregnant (he has a very stinky pipe} I was so angry I was for once lost for words.

A subsequent Xmas was spoilt because they allowed BIL to chain smoke in th kitchen which of course filtered all over the house, clothes, kids etc. Both times my chest and eyes were quite painful as a result.

It is very awkward when you are the visitor and it is the smoker's house to request them not to smoke or to insist others not smoke in their house. I have had to do this (my dh did it infact) as I was really loathe to visit under the circs. However I was beginning to feel very very angry and took it as a symptom of a selfish attitude.

YANBU - I grew up breathing passive smoke (as did my poor dad who despite never smoking himself has lung trouble now) and resent it bitterly.

Nowadays with a public ban in place no-one can pretend they don't know it's toxic and bad for them and everyone around them.

(Am also an ex-smoker and think that wouldn't have been so if it had not been my example)

Well, i wouldn't like it tbh, but for the sake of once a month i wouldn't stop him from going. To stop him going at all seems a little unreasonable to me, but hey, its your call ...

i have put my foot down about dd going to her dad's house as her grandmother smokes, a lot, in a small enclosed room with her. it makes me really angry.

despite this i think i would consider letting her go to a friend's house if it's just once a month if she really likes the friend.

i dont know if that makes sense health wise but surely once a month is much less risky than most days

If she smokes in the same room then YANBU. I would probably question her parenting in other respects as well and wouldn't be confident leaving him with her. DS's grandmother also insists on lighting up in the same room and it drives me nuts. I hate taking DS there, as does DH (and he's a smoker - but never EVER in the same room).

You are being a bit precious, especially if you have a car (car exhausts produce a lot of toxins). Right now some people are ridiculously hysterical about cigarette smoke: if it was that toxic the world would be uninhabited by now. If your DS has asthma or other breating problems it would not be entirely unreasonable to ask the other mum not to smoke around him, but once a month won't do him much harm.

I agree wirh Solidgoldbrass. I do take exception though to Twinklemegan's point about questioning their parenting skills!!!