Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angered by uber middle class people who complain they are short of money...

140 replies

Reallytired · 01/11/2008 11:11

I know someone who has just bought themselves a 600K house. Both parents work and the family have three children and enjoy nice hobbies like sailing, and learning to play the cello and rock climbing. The parents are forever moaning how short of money they are.

However my son has a little friend who is in a family with three children. This family lives in a two bed flat which is cold and mouldy. They rent their flat as they cannot afford to buy even though one parent works full time and the other part time. Yet they never moan about lack of money, but have a positive outlook on life.

I just think that some uber middle class families need to be a bit more thankful for what they have.

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 11:14

of course we should be greatful, I am sure from the outside my life looks very uber middle class and cushty ( I would never describe myself as m/c though) but the reality is very different.

SmugColditz · 01/11/2008 11:17

Well, it's all relative. I have friends who feel poor because their children don't own a pony - because they owned a pony. I think my children are a bit spoilt to have character clothing as it's something I didn't have.

people who feel hard done by when they have relatively plenty generally have peers and parents with more.

I live on a council estate, my mum is up to her eyeballs in debt, yes I am technically poor but I feel as well off as those around me, if not better.

Would you rather have the only 3 bed house in a street of 5 bed houses, or the only 3 bed house in a street of one bed flats?

DaisymooSteiner · 01/11/2008 11:17

Ooooh yes, ITA. I know so many families like that - huge houses, swimming pools, stables, expensive hobbies, and yet they're always skint apparently. Diddums.

screamscreamstagger · 01/11/2008 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Reallytired · 01/11/2008 11:28

I have a modest three bedroom terrace house as do most of my son's school friends and the families we know.

I'm happy, we have enough food on the table. My son has good quality clothes to wear. We can afford to put the heating on. My son enjoys a range of modestly priced hobbies. Our family does not have a single reason in the world to complain.

I think if a family with a huge house and expensive hobbies or private eduation are short of money they should look at ways of making their lifestyle fit their budget.

OP posts:
needsomeonetotalkto · 01/11/2008 11:28

It is all relative. I count my lucky stars all the time as we live in realtive comfort but are NOT rich by any means.

We are money poor compared to my upbringing but love rich again compared to my childhood. I know what I'd rather have.

kettlechip · 01/11/2008 11:28

With the mortgage on a £600k property, a lavish lifestyle and expensive hobbies,they probably are skint tbh.

But that's their choice. We had the opportunity to have a 5 x salary mortgage a couple of years back which would have bought our dream home. Thank God we didn't take it or we'd be probably struggling to eat now while we tried to flog a big cold house.

Would much rather live in a home we can afford and not have the stress of keeping up expensive appearances. Each to their own.

Libra1975 · 01/11/2008 11:31

SmugC - apparently according to the people who know about property it's better to own a smaller house in a nice area than a big house in a not so nice area. Just incase you were thinking about branching out into property developing....

RT- uber middle class????
YABU for being angry about it. Fine if you find it bizarre that they moan about it but angry?

CrushWithEyeliner · 01/11/2008 11:34

Not all "middle class" folk have money, nor all "working class" are poor. These terms are more about education and a state of mind.

BitOfFun · 01/11/2008 11:37

Yanbu, it is irritating, I agree. An ex of mine had parents who would moan (or boast really) about doing the weekly shop for thirty quid because they were skint, but they had a bottle of nice wine with said cheap food every night. I used to think they were really annoying.

lisad123 · 01/11/2008 11:46

its so hard to judge. I think most of us live to our means tbh. You also need to consider that with bigger house, comes bigger bills. People get used to having things in their lifes. I wouldnt say we are well off at all, but dd has ballet lessons, and i would rather give up sky tv, gym, and budget well to ensure she still goes. BUT if it came between dds ballet or house, of course i would stop it. If DH ever moans about money, i always say, well just think where we started. When we started i earned £9000 and dh £11k, and we had small flat and a rusty old car.
It is very hard not to see things as black and white, but a lot of people dont talk about money imo

twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 12:16

So what is she did a cheap food shop so she could afford wine at nigght.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2008 12:20

YABU.

Am too busy trying to keep warm to care, tbh.

We'll never be able to afford to buy and one of us works FT and the other PT. In fact, next year we'll be homeless and with three kids our needs have been assessed as for a 2 bed flat, so we'll be looking to rent a caravan instead.

So they think they're short of money. To them, they are!

I wish people like that all the best because I hope they never wind up in straits like some of us. I am thankful I am resourceful and never take much for granted.

twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 12:21

Is that baby on the way yet?

stitch · 01/11/2008 12:25

threads like this are becoming so ooo common on mumsnet. Yaawwn.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2008 12:25

he.is.fucking.late.TSAP

peanutbutterkid · 01/11/2008 12:26

YABU.
Years ago I complained to a friend that we couldn't find an affordable 4 bedr house (we had 2 DC and one on the way). We obviously had much more money than our friend, who had had to borrow a deposit from her parents to buy even a small 2 bedr house. She completely fell out with me about it, couldn't stand my company any more.

But thing is, I never criticised her for not saving wisely (she had had a big lump sum and spent it travelling). So why did she have to get angry with me, when I was just saying something I thought you could say to a friend, about my feelings and my life?

twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 12:26

he is coming as in now??? Should we be excited?

expatinscotland · 01/11/2008 12:29

no, i'm going for the sweep tomorrow and to beg the midwife to try to get my in for induction right around the 10th-12th because i'm getting pretty desperate to not be pregnant anymore.

stitch · 01/11/2008 12:29

i want to start a thread : i wish i was completely skint, and living in a council estate, with mouldy walls, because then i would be able to afford to get divorced.....
but if i ever did, i'd be squished.

everyone has their own idea of poverty and plenty. a wider outlook on life, gives us the capacity to understand that what happens to us isnt the be it and end all of life.

twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 12:30

Oh I am sorry.Look after yourself, rest chocolates and trashy telly I think.

loobeylou · 01/11/2008 12:30

My kids go to school in a fairly affluent area, though there are some genuinely poorer families. I hate it when one parent moans about having to find £5 for another school trip, when she is bragging about her new £160 boots and £2K watch she bought DH for his birthday. Standing right beside her is another mum who has to cut back on the shopping that week to afford the trip.

We keep putting off a new kitchen and other home improvements so our kids don't have to go without. I know I am still lucky that we have a home, food and heating!

Some people just do not know how lucky they are compared to their own neighbours, never mind the 3rd world!

Sometimes its a case of the more you have the more you want and the more you take for granted.

Money doesn't buy you happiness.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2008 12:30

look at it this way: i'd rather be in a caravan in a glen that's baltic right now and swarming with midgies every single wet summer than in Congo right about now.

SmugColditz · 01/11/2008 12:31

because it smacks of whining, to be honest. It's like going to Poland and complaining about the job situation in England.

It's awfully insensitive to moan to people who would consider themselves lucky to be as badly off as you. I never ever moan to one of my friends when the CSA pays me late - because their child's father doesn't pay at all, and is in and out of jail, and turns up drugged occasionally, demanding his rights as a twat father. I wouldn't moan at my friend who has 5 kids in a three bed house that our house is small, because hers isn't much bigger and we have more space per capita. And it's not ever so sensitive to moan about being so poor you may have to ditch one of the ponies to someone who watches the gas meter tick with a sinking heart.

findtheriver · 01/11/2008 12:31

It seems to be human nature to live right up to our means, or for a lot of people, just beyond their means. And over recent years, society has reinforced this. It seems very rare these days to meet people who live very easily within their means (by that I mean, having a small mortgage compared to income, saving regularly, not being extravagant). But then house prices and the cost of living are such that it's probably pretty difficult for most people to do anything other than live right up to their means or beyond.

There's no point getting angry or jealous of what you percieve others to have. For a start, you often don't really know the whole truth.

We had a family member who a year ago seemed to have it all - big house, kids in private school, holidays, clothes etc - well the bubble burst pretty suddenly and it turned out they'd been living on massive loans.

Once you have the means to have a roof over your head, food on the table, enough to pay the electric bill etc, then tbh the rest is very much a state of mind. You can be happier on a camping holiday than in a 5 star villa in the Med if you're with people you love.