Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to leave my child unattended in a car?

143 replies

Gangle · 01/11/2008 00:07

I was recently heavily criticised on a thread for saying that I would not leave DS, now 7 months, unattended in a car, e.g. in a petrol station or car park. Genuinely perplexed that people seem to think it's ok to leave kids alone - noone I know would do it and I don't think any of us are neurotic or precious about our babies.

OP posts:
jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 01/11/2008 08:21

YOur child, your choice. But if you had 3 young children including one non-verbal severely autistic runner then you'd probably leave them in the car with the doors locked. 7 month olds don't move very fast or independently and don't make a pain of themselves in a queue.

ON a related point the only time I've seen someone told off in a petrol station was when a man got his 4 or 5 year old out of the car and stood him next to him as he filled the car. The petrol attendant gave him a right dressing down and reminded him that the child was the right height for petrol to splash in his eyes.

Fillyjonk · 01/11/2008 08:21

I think that if you have ONE, prewalking, awake 7 month old, the ideal might be to get them out of the car, then wander across the forecourt via the safest and most educational route.

The trouble is, and no offence OP, but once the get a bit bigger, and once there is more than one of them, parenting ceases to be about doing the absolutely optimum thing at all times and starts to be about cobbling together the best decision from a bunch of imperfect choices.

IMO it is more fun when it all gets a bit more chaotic and challenging. There is seldom one perfect, fits-all solution though. Parenting is a little too complex and tricky for that.

misdee · 01/11/2008 08:26

you do whats right for you abnd your child. but there is no way i am taking 3 dd's out of a car, to walk across a busy forecourt just to pay for petrol and then strap them all back in.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 01/11/2008 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ags · 01/11/2008 08:59

A work colleague of DH had a really angry call from his wife a few months ago. She had been to the petrol station to fill up and left her two dc in the car while paying. A man came in behind her in a bit of a fuss and said "Someone has taken a car and there are children inside it". She immediately ran to the door in a panic and he said "No, not really, I just hate to see children left alone in a car"! Not surprisingly, she was very angry.

I leave my dc in the car at petrol stations, while getting a parking ticket and while getting a trolley at the supermarket. I feel it is the least risky option for my two (ages 5 and 2).

cripesalorky · 01/11/2008 09:04

I have another issue with the wording now - 'refuse' - who's asking?

chequersandchess · 01/11/2008 09:11

I don't leave my baby in the car, but I honestly don't care what other people think about that.

chequersandchess · 01/11/2008 09:12

(i've got an isofix seat though so it's pretty easy to do)

needmorecoffee · 01/11/2008 09:17

I don't have the enrgy to open boot, lower ramp, unhook the 4 anchor points from dd's wheelchair, wheel her down, close ramp, wheel her to petrol station what always has astep, just to pay. Especially with people waiting. To take her out then get her back in again takes 10 minutes. I timed it once. 10 mins is a loooooooooooooooooong time when inpatient people are waiting for you.

WorzselMummage · 01/11/2008 09:23

I am 'genuinely perplexed' as to how someone with a 7 month old have the energy of the inclination to care so much, post so much or patronise so much about something which doesnt affect them..

The well used phrase Get A Life springs to mind..

Simplysally · 01/11/2008 09:32

If people want to get children out of cars, they can always drive to the parking up area before paying and then they're not holding up people behind them at the pump doing the seats in/out. They're normally pretty close to the shop. I'm a 'get them out' person myself but I wouldn't argue the toss with someone who prefers to leave them in.

theSuburbanDryad · 01/11/2008 09:44

Wow!

Someone has started a thread about ME on mn. I feel like I've truly arrived.

Dear Gangle - I'm sorry if I upset you. I well remember those early days of maternal worry and panic (v normal!) and I apologise if you feel victimised or put down.

But - you've gotta admit, this is pretty funny: "On the motorway they always say get out of the car. This will get ridiculed but my main fear is huge lorry or car reversing into/crushing car or someeone nicking the car - not that unusual for the area I live in."

2shoespunk · 01/11/2008 09:48

funny how the op has ignored mrsghostly

bronze · 01/11/2008 09:50

Maybe if its that worrying stop driving then you don't have to do any of it.

theSuburbanDryad · 01/11/2008 09:50

She might come back if she sees I've posted...

Thomcat · 01/11/2008 09:56

And there's no way I'd take a disabled 6 year old, a sprightly 2 year old and a 1 year old baby out of the car, walk them across a forecourt, opening them to the dangers of people driving in and out, rather than leave then safely strapped into their carseats in a big car that everyone can see and is parked by a pump, watch them through the very large glass window which stretches from one end of service station shop tot he other and which is only several feet away. For me to remove them from the car, keep them safe and next to me while removing them one by one and again on the way back would be utter madness, for me, imo. How am I keeping them safe removing them from the car? I don't get it. But each to their own. Everyone should do what they feel happy with.

TheDuchessOfNorksDied · 01/11/2008 10:00

Not everyone can see MrsGhosty y'know.

avaTsar · 01/11/2008 10:07

It's feasible with one dc I guess but 2/3/4+ you may have start making compromises and sensible risk assessments.

I clearly remember being lectured about this by a dad of one whilst I was juggling 3dc under 3yrs old

chocolateteapot · 01/11/2008 10:08

I think threads and issues like this are great training for mothers of babies and a kind of rite of passage. You come across so many people with differing views to your own that if you get het up about them you'll spend your life in a permanent state of hetupness.

The trick is to be fully confident in what you believe in, don't criticize others who think differently unless it has a direct impact on you, then get on with things and everyone is happy.

eidsvold · 01/11/2008 10:09

Unfortunately we do not have pay at the pump here and there is no way I take any of mine across a forecourt to pay. I do have a garage near me that I go to cause I can literally fill up outside the door of the pay area. If not - then again I do not take 6yo with sn, 3 yo and 18 month old. I also do not move the car as garages are very funny about you moving away from the bowser until you have paid.

It is okay for my lot to be left alone - they are safer strapped into their seats - no one can get out of seatbelt and do anything.

You do what you want BUT don't criticise me for my decision. So easy when you have one non walking baby.

kayzisexpecting · 01/11/2008 10:22

I can understand not leaving your baby in your car when you get petrol. Thats fine if that is what you want to do. But why moan at other people who leave their DCs in the car.

You could do what my Mum does when she has DS. She fills up with petrol and then drives to near the door, parks and goes in to pay. Then she can see DS and she isn't holding up the queue.

Then again my MIL was going to leave DS in the car while we went round the supermarket. I ended up staying in the car with him as I think going to do a big shop is different to getting petrol.

Neenztwinz · 01/11/2008 12:08

Gangle, what will you do when you have another child? Or another after that? Will you get all three out of the car to pay for petrol? What if you had twins? Would you put petrol in, open your boot, lug your super-heavy, super-difficult pram out of the boot, unlatch one twin from the car seat, put them in the pram, unlatch the other from the car seat, put them in the pram, go into the kiosk (if you can get the pram through the door) pay for your petrol, go back out, take one twin out of the pram.... it is so long I can't even be arsed to type it never mind do it when I go to the petrol station.

If I can see the car then I am happy to leave DTs in it unattended. I do it while I get a trolley at the supermarket (again, what choice do I have but getting the pram out to walk 20 yards?), the other day I did it while I was picking something up I'd bought on ebay.

YANBU to not leave your kids in the car - it's up to you, but i think it is totally over the top. That's just my opinion.

UmSami · 01/11/2008 22:44

Ags [anger] at the sick b***d who thought it was funny to tell a mum that her car had been stolen with kids inside!
What kind of person does that?
I'm also at the response this post has got...I mean don't we all just try and do the best for our kids? Noones gonna agree all of the time, noones ever gonna get it right all of the time...no matter how hard we try...
I hate letting DS out of my sight...but you know what, in part, that's my hang up and not entirely healthy, I'm an over worrying control freak who has to learn to let go and chill a bit...having DD anyday now so i guess a crash course is imminent. (Saying that am fighting with hospital at mo about letting her out of my sight...we are who we are I guess)

apostrophe · 01/11/2008 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

vixma · 01/11/2008 23:39

At the end of the day...do what you think best for your kids. As long as you feel you have done this, why ask others for advice...good luck!

Swipe left for the next trending thread