to only spend £50 each on my kids this year?

[SmugColditz]

it never occured to me that I would be unreasonabl;e to do this, but an aquaintance of mine has said "Oh, X says she is only spending £50 each on her kios this year, I think that's really tight, don't you?"

And me being me, I told her I was only spending £50 each too (less on ds2, if I'm honest) because what the hell is the point of spending more than you can afford, and that she herself says her kids broke all their Christmas presents in 3 weeks.

And she looked horrified.

So, if you have a 'normal' or less than average income, how much are you spending on your kids, and AIBU?

I absolutely agree that if people can't they shouldn't and if we fell on hard times the children wouldn't have a rubbish Christmas without a pile of presents, nor do they expect them.
I guess the other key point for us is that other people do not buy for ours, they have 2 sets of Grandparents and neither bother, neither do my brothers

THat is a valid point about other family members katie, I can understand there is perhaps a pressure on you to provide all the presents for your children at Christmas while some of us are lucky enough to have generous (to the point of sometimes being completely over the top in our case!) relatives.

I'm sure your children would have a great Christmas with or without all the gifts, as you say, but luckily you are in a position to provide them.

I know that our DD has been spoilt in the past by her grandparents and I have found, unfortunately, that this tends to make her a bit ungrateful...because she's overwhelmed, I guess, by the amount of presents and can't play with them all at once! Perhaps this is just because she's still so young though.

Like hatrick, we won't use credit for this kind of thing and our children will get what we can afford.

I still can't believe that the parents of a teenager would really say "The limit was £50" and hand them 1 Xbox game which cost £40 and a selection box and say "There's your Christmas kiddo"

Frankly I find that quite tight and mean. Unless you all buy toys, video games, books, dvds all year?
We don't buy anything like that except at Christmas and B'day.
A £50 limit means, you'll never buy your child a games console, new bicycle, more than 1 video game, GHD straighteners, Ugg boots, Guitar, Nike trainers, all things children over 10 like to own.
I find that sad if you could afford to but don't on some moral crusade to 'not go overboard'.

Exactly, as I said I think some people are in for a shock when their children get to school. The NCT that I have volunteered for wouldn't have had any toys beyond 4 years.
I don't do credit cards either but I do save all year around to make sure my DC's get presents that make their eyes light up.

Hatrick I wasn't implying anything, at the end of the day if the children are happy with their toys then we're happy aren't we.
£4k bloody hell, I'd move.

How uncreative of your acquaintance (I note you didn't call her a friend!) to measure gift-giving in purely fiscal terms. Surely if you give a gift that the recipient would absolutely love, you shouldn't have to spend through the nose? The shallow woman sounds like she needs to read Affluenza by Oliver James.

I'm definitely not spending anywhere near £50 on my DS this year - have just spent about that much on a special birthday pressie which he'll use for several years (otherwise ordinarily I'd have spent maybe £20, maybe slightly more). For Xmas we might spend up to £20.

On the other hand I suppose we could get ourselves waist-deep in debt in order to give him a really happily materialistic Xmas, and thus teach him that the most superficial values in life are the best ones to strive for. Yeah, actually that sounds a much better option .

We'll be lucky to afford that much this year tbh (currently worrying about paying mortgage, never name Xmas). I have managed to find a few things during the course of the year (before things went tits up at dh's work), so they thankfully will have a few things to open, and tbh, I'm looking for bargains to fill up their (small) stockings. Main present this year for each of my three though has a £15 limit. Hoping things improve, but if not, then we must be realistic and keeping a roof over our heads has to take priority.

Referring to OP though, I think £50 is perfectly ok and ds1 (10) is able to appreciate our current financial crisis and isn't asking for anything specific, bless him. The other pair (8 and 4) are young enough to appreciate whatever they're given.

Agree about arty things - cheaply available and keep them occupied for ages.

Could some one please answer dd's question

DD (14) wants to know, do your kids have pocket money? Do you buy them stuff through the year as well? And how old are they roughly.

Sorry Mrs Ghost - didn't see that first time I looked through.

Mine are 10, 8 and 4. They don't have routine pocket money, but we sometimes give them a few £s to spend at weekends. They only have bigger presents on birthdays and Christmas (normally), but they use money they've been given for these occasions to buy themselves things they particularly want throughout the year. If they run out, they can earn some more by helping out around the house.

Thanks Aero

MrsG

DD is 9 next week, I am such a slack mother that despite the agreement to give pocket money weekly since her 7th birthday, I have never managed to give it to her more than 2 weeks in a row.

So now I just pay her £1 for jobs, eg per wheelbarrow of fallen twigs/sticks on the paddock that she puts in the kindling store. This weekend she is helping rake leaves and she helped wash the car this week.

She has saved up £30 inc some bithday money.

I rarely buy her comics, occasionally get her lush bath fizzers, hairclips and such. DH however spoils her rotten. He is returning tomorrow from 12 days in Sing and Aus, he will have got her a huge guilt present. Although he is starting to curb his spending as he realises it makes birthdays and Christmas less special (he once bought her heelies after 3 weeks in USA).

DS(4) asks for nothing apart from a rummage in the 25p car box in the charity shop each time we visit.

I think £50 is plenty, but this is just one of those individual things. I think having a stocking is important, with little things to open...

£50 is more than enough though this year we're spending slightly more as
we're buying a wii as a family present, so apart from a few stocking fillers (toothbrush, new socks a satsuma and selection box) thats it for my two. They have aunts and uncles and gp's who also give presents.

GHD hair straighteners? Ugg Boots?

Cripes. What's wrong with the cheaper alternatives?

My two will have to make do with less as, like many others here, we're working our socks off to pay the mortgage, insurances, council tax, car costs, student debts and basic clothing items for the family. We do make savings for Christmas but it doesn't run into £100s as all the other stuff has to take priority.

Sorry Mrs Ghost.
My eldest DD is 8 and she gets a few pounds slipped into her money box when I have change.
I should give her a proper weekly amount, am thinking £2 a week after Christmas so she knows where she's at and can budget.
She rarely asks for anything at all, not sweets, magazines nothing really.
The little two, 6 and 4 have their hands out permanently, I say no to tat but books or even comics they seem to get monthly and the odd toy they fall in love with if they've got enough stars on their charts.

My kids are 5 and 2, and get £1 a week to spend at the car boot (but this includes a drink or a doughnut). I don't buy them toys throughout the year but may cough up for 'needed' toys, like shin pads for football.

Anmd here's more food for thought ... my dad deeply regrets not giving us much in the3 way of material things. He says he kept up poor, and he needn't have, and we got used to being poor, and now he has three children with no ambition to earn pots of money because non of us mind being poor.

SO, with this in mind, should I actually be doing more? I don't want my children to grow up with my searing lack of drive, but neither do I want them to be materialistic little toads (and actually some children are like this very young!)

I think it must get harder though as they get older because like some have said, kids under say, 7-8 don't really know what has been bought 2nd hand such as DVDs, books, nearly-new toys etc, plus they are thrilled with stuff that's cheap ie art stuff, knitting sets, skipping ropes etc. You can also protect them from some of the agressive marketing.

Whereas kids aged 9 and above to teenage DO have an awareness of brands etc. Olifin asks what's wrong with cheaper alternatives to UGG boots and GHD straighteners. Well nothing of course - they both do the job and neither are essential to living!! - but it won't stop tweens and teens from wanting them, or the competition from friends who DID get "the real thing" instead of "fakes" or cheaper alternatives.

I know you can explain about budgeting etc and a lot of kids will see the sense in that particularly given the obvious financial climate this year - but it is easier as an adult to dismiss the power of peer pressure and branding because we know it's a load of smoke and mirrors in most cases, but it is harder for a tween/teen learning it the first time round.

Can anyone honestly say that when they were kids they never ever wanted anything that was a "brand" for which a non-branded alternative was available? Barbie or Sindy as opposed to an anonymous 12-inch doll? Never wanted a Tiny Tears doll or an Action Man or a Lego set?

i think thats a perfectly reasonable amount to spend. we have a £600 budget for christmas this year, that to cover prezzies for everyone, food and decorations. as we have a big family this is going to be a tight squeeze but its all we can afford.
other people should just but out, its none of their business what you spend on christmas. if they want to be borrowig money and paying it back for the next 5 years that up to them, but its not for me!

oh and to the person looking for the tv/dvd combi, have you tried tesco or asda. i bought one for our bedroom for £60 from asda.

SmugColditz, my parents have the same regrets and my mum tries to make up for it now.

It's not that they couldn't afford things either - they certainly could, nor did they accompany it with explaining about being sensible with money, budgeting carefully etc etc (which I would have "got", being a logical kind of child) - it was a simple case of having the money but not wanting to spend it on things like presents.

I didn't question it at the time but when I got older I realised that there had been no need to be disappointed for two years in a row because I hadn't got the doll I desperately wanted (nothing like as expensive an equivalent as say, a laptop/TV/DVD player today). It definately wasn't because they couldn't afford it and nor was it about teaching us about the value of money - how my mum put up with my disappointment I don't know because I couldn't do it to my DC without at least managing their expectations in advance. My mum would say "let's see" which would keep me in a state of anticipation - and then nothing.

(She had a poor upbringing herself so possibly was unwittingly only doing what she had known herself.)

I disagree Smug, we had nothing as kids and I mean nothing and it made me more driven, maybe we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.