to want my muslim dh to participate in christmas?

[firstontheway]

It's never been a problem before, we've discussed what will happen when we have kids etc, and we agreed that although we will be raising little one to be muslim, one half of her family (mine) are extremely lapsed christians and therefore she can celebrate both eid and christmas. With the priviso of course that we explain what christmas is, why as muslims we do not see it as a religious event, but as a nice opportunity to visit grandparents/swap pesents/ eat nice food etc etc.

However things seem to have changed now our first baby is on the way (not even due till March!) and he seems to be backtracking a bit and suggesting it's not allowed within the islamic faith and from next year we should think about 'dropping it'. Which I understand if I was suggesting my parents took her to church or something, but they would never go against our religion like that, nor would we present it as a religious festival (at least until she is old enough to understand nativity plays etc at which point we teach religious tolerance ). Am just a bit upset as my parents would be DEVESTATED if we didn't go to them for christmas... they live a while away from us and while we see dh's parents all the time, it's really special when we see mine, and isn't family what christmas is all about anyway?

Probably a bit premature, I'm hoping he'll change his mind when we go to my parent's this year and he sees how fun and wonderful it is. But just a bit hormonal and upset.

snippety, hope he never said you were going straight to hell, as that isnt something JWs believe in

I'm not angry at all, lisa. What a bizarre thing to say

I think there is a difference between celebrating the festivals of another religion, and being with people you love who are celebrating it. It is perhaps only an inner difference - you know you are there only to be with your Christian family in their time of celebration, rather than celebrating the birth of Christ yourself.

so as long as you are not 'celebrating' but 'observing' the festival that is okay do you think?

I am thinking specifically how, as children, we went to our Jewish neighbour's home while they were celebrating Pessah (Passover) and watched as they walked around the room with a cloth bag on their backs (symbolising Jews' escape from Egypt), then ate matza with their kids.

There was no doubt in anyone's mind that we were becoming Jewish, or wanted to be Jewish, or anything of the sort. It was just a light-hearted participation in their special day.

And why not?

i have just bought Nigella's Christmas book and in the introductory chapter she spends quite a long time explaining why she has written the book considering she is an atheist (and she doesn't mention £££ )

But it is quite a good chapter in that she talks about the roots of the Christmas holiday/festitivies/pagan festivals which Christians have literally hi-jacked. How it is about spending time/feasting with family and friends celebrating each other.

Very interesting. And i am Catholic. some of dh's family are muslim and they all seem more than happy to come to my house on Christmas Eve (his mum is German) and feast away!!!

I have found this thread very interesting.

I think the basis seems to be that some people feel able to participate in other festivals associated with religions without feeling they are celebrating them and others find those boundaries harder to distinguish. I guess - as often with religion- it is case of summing up your own opninons on the matter.

Goin back to the OP I think the suggestion of both you and your partner discussing it with someonoe you respect in your religion will be a wise move.

I see you have already sorted lots of things out. I hope you mahange to find a way for everyone to enjoy it.

if your inner faith is threatenend by symbols then it possibly isn't very strong!!

"snippety, hope he never said you were going straight to hell, as that isnt something JWs believe in"

Sorry, Lisa I was being a bit flippant there. He certainly never said that to me really. Before meeting him I had only encountered JWs as a nuisance on the doorstep (sorry !) but he impressed me as a really together, humorous and friendly person. He never proselytised at work either.

BBBeeast - I agree. I think that in Paganism, very few of us are born into our faith (although you do get those who claim to be one of a long line of witches etc ) because it's a relatively new religious movement. IME many are happy to go along to religious festivals of other faiths, but not necessarily the one from which they came. This could be for all sorts of reasons - usually issues which led them away from that faith in the first place. I personally also find the monotheistic faiths - christianity, islam, judaism - more difficult to understand and empathise with than another polytheistic faith such as shinto or hinduism.

I see this as part of the problem for the bloke here - has she really converted to his faith or is she going to backslide and want her child to participate in festivals of her old faith masquerading as family events ? I agree they need to have a big discussion and set out mutually agreeable boundaries.

snippety, thats what i thought
Yews we are generally normal people and very friendly hehe