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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that locking a 6 year old in a dark cupboard is too harsh as a punishment?

52 replies

HeadFairy · 26/10/2008 21:07

My 6 year old niece was being really cheeky this afternoon, she refused to say thank you when she was given a present, and then refused to apologise. Both my mum and my sister thought it was ok to threaten to lock her in a walk in coat closet (it's tiny, with no light). I have no doubt they would have done it if she hadn't apologised. That seemed really strong for me, or am I too soft? To me it would have been "upstairs, now, no toys or games, sit in your room and think about how rude you've been" but never drag a crying girl to a cupboard and threaten to lock her in. That just seems awful to me or am I just a big softy?

OP posts:

SugaryBits · 26/10/2008 21:09

Way too harsh! What a terrible thing to threaten, let alone actually do!

twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 21:09

That sounds like abuse to me.

PortofinoPumpkin · 26/10/2008 21:10

I don't think yabu. Poor child! I much prefer your options. Usually a threat of no TV for 24 hours is enough for mine!

MorticiaAnnSpookington · 26/10/2008 21:10

my older cousin used to lock me in an attic,which was horrible

neolara · 26/10/2008 21:10

It's bloody barbaric.

Stefka · 26/10/2008 21:11

YANBU - that is just horrific.

SlasherGoober · 26/10/2008 21:12

Are you for real?

NCbirdy · 26/10/2008 21:13

My friend used to get this as a child, she has never got over it and is still claustraphobic now. People used to do things like this, but IMO that was before they realised that children are actually people not "things".

I agree it is abuse, I am not sure what I would do about it though, I gues it depends on wether you could prove they actually do this.

nickytwoooohtimes · 26/10/2008 21:13

Is this a wind up? Because if not, I would be seriously concerned about that chid's welfare.

beansprout · 26/10/2008 21:13

Wow. How cruel.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 26/10/2008 21:13

totally for real slasher....

I cringe whenever there's an argument between my sister and her dd, she's always really strong in her punishments.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 26/10/2008 21:15

that would scar my daughter, who is 5.

how horrid!

Reallytired · 26/10/2008 21:15

That is abuse. However naughty a child is they do not deserve to be terrified. by being in a dark cupboard.

CapnJadetheKnife · 26/10/2008 21:15

I would really consider the rest of their parenting.

This sounds quite abusive.

watsthestory · 26/10/2008 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PeaMcLean · 26/10/2008 21:15

"strong in her punishments"

Sounds like a bully to me.

AbbaFan · 26/10/2008 21:15

Is she the type of mum that threatens but never follows through?

shootfromthehip · 26/10/2008 21:16

Too far- what a horrible, horrible thing to do to any one.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 26/10/2008 21:16

Well it's my mum and my sister, and of course I love them, so I'm really stuck as to what to do. I always say that I think they're being too harsh, my sister always says my niece is being really rude and needs to learn. I agree it's important to punish children when they're deliberately rude, but I think there are other ways. Withdrawing tv, no toys for a day or something like that. Maybe it sounds worse than it is, because as soon as my niece had apologised, and it had all calmed down, she was happy as, playing with her sister and being her usual self. She didn't seem damaged in any way.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 26/10/2008 21:18

No way would either of those ever be asked to babysit my children!! I hope you don't ntrust your dc to their sole care

Pannacotta · 26/10/2008 21:18

Way too harsh, what a nasty thing to even consider,let alone do, I thought this was a wind up until I read the posts.
Did you say anything to your sister?

Original poster

HeadFairy · 26/10/2008 21:21

The relationship she has with her dd is quite tense, they are very very similar. Highly strung, very bright and intelligent and strong willed. My niece knows exactly how to wind my sister up, and my sister rises to the bait. I've said it before, and so has my mum, she's the adult (my sister that is) so she has to keep control. If my niece is being cheeky and winding her up she has to keep calm and not up the ante and start arguing. It's always the same over sunday lunch. I find it so stressful. My niece will start whingeing about not liking this, not liking that, not wanting to sit here etc etc. Just usual 6 year old stuff being a bit of a pain, but I'd just ignore it, but it drives my sister bonkers and they always end up having a big row with my niece in tears and having time out (usually just in the living room). I find it really hard to watch, when to me the simple thing is just to ignore my niece when she's like that. If she refuses to eat lunch then I think just let her get down from the table on the understanding there's no pudding or treats later.

OP posts:

misselizabethbennet · 26/10/2008 21:21

Good grief. Unless this was a kind of 'joke' punishment that the child understands is a joke (eg: I'll send you to live with the bears in the forest) it is just horrible.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 26/10/2008 21:23

dropdeadfred, she has had my ds for a couple of hours before, but I don't think it would happen with him to be honest. She knows I don't think smacking is acceptible, but also I think the whole thing is wrapped up with the really strained relationship she has with her dd.

OP posts:

Original poster

HeadFairy · 26/10/2008 21:26

Abbafan - I do wonder if she's the type to threaten but not follow through because she does do the time out thing but usually in the living room if we're in the kitchen or having lunch. But I think even threatening it's too much. And anyway, surely threatening something but never following through is a rotten way to discipline a child. She'll never learn. If you threaten something you should always follow through, but of course I would never threaten anything like this. It would be "if you don't say sorry then there's no tv tonight" or something along those lines.

OP posts:

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